Top 10 Relationship Myths

Top 10 Relationship Myths appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise

There are many relationship myths that can cause people to have unrealistic views of relationships. These can lead to unrealistic expectations as well. We have complied a list of many of the top relationship myths to help end the confusion.

1. Everyone, at some point, will be willing to settle down when they are ready and meet the right person. This is simply false. Not everyone will. It is not just a matter of waiting someone out until they do. Some people will never settle down.

2. Living together leads to marriage. In the past that was more common, but nowadays? No. Living together does not mean at some point your relationship will lead to marriage. Especially if you moved in together way too quickly.

3. Fighting or disagreeing is not a part of a healthy relationship. That is false. There is nothing wrong with an occasional argument or disagreement of opinion or belief. Great couples do not have to agree on everything and share the same beliefs either. What is important is how the fights or disagreements are handled. If they can be discussed like adults without things escalating, that is healthy. If every little disagreements leads to shouting and acting out, then there is a bigger problem in play. What is also important is if the arguments or disagreements never get resolved. Having the same issues over and over again without any resolution is a sign dysfunction.

4. It is always best to express your feelings when you feel them. Not always the case. Some times things are better left unsaid until the time is right to unload your feelings. There is a time and a place for everything. Choosing when and where to express your feelings to your loved one the right way can lead to a better reception.

Top 10 Relationship Myths

5. All problems can be solved. Sorry, but this one is a myth as well. Not all problems in relationships can be solved. Sometimes one person (or both) isn’t willing to make a change or compromise and never will. Also, the couple could be compatible in almost every way except an area that is of vital importance to the relationship.

6. Love conquers all. This one, sadly, is also a myth. Sometimes love brings out the best in us and sometimes it brings out the worst in us. If love is bringing out the worst in a couple (or only one partner) the relationship progressively get more toxic.

7. In the best relationships the couple does everything together. This is another myth as well. Yes, some really great couples with fantastic relationships do everything together. But, some really great couples with fantastic relationships don’t do everything together. People are not all the same, and what works for some couple doesn’t work for others.

8. If you have problems in your relationship, it’s a sign you are not meant to be together. This fairy tale is a big myth. I’m sure there are some couples out there that have never had a problem, but there are more that have had their fair share. It’s how you work through the struggles and bad times together (and as individuals) that counts. So do not think that just because your relationship hit a speed bump that it is a sure sign to bail.

9. Great sex equals a great relationship. Well, great sex equals a great sexual relationship. If you want a great relationship, you need more than just great sex to sustain it. Great sex alone won’t keep a couple together if they are not on the same page and are not compatible outside the bedroom. Also, great sex won’t necessarily lead to a relationship either.

10. Change will come if I wait it out. Wrong. Change only come from effort. If you are waiting around for someone to make a change and don’t see an effort, stop waiting. Move on because chances are you won’t see them ever make the changes you want them too.

We would love to hear your experiences with any relationship myths. Please submit to our list by putting it in the comments below.

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Respect: 3 Ways to Have More of It In Your Life

Respect or lack of respect is one of the biggest relationship complaints. Here are 3 ways to have more of it in your life and relationships...

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Consider These Marriage Preparation Online Tips If You Are Newly Engaged

If you are newly engaged or think an engagement might be on the cards for you, you are about to head into a magical and exciting time.

But you are also about to embark upon a road that is long, winding and sometimes rocky.  While things might be wonderful in your relationship now, it might not always be that way. Life is renowned for bringing its challenges, and even though your picture might look rosy now, it doesn’t mean that your marriage will escape from the problems life brings – you are probably going to have to work for your marriage sometimes.  

Even though life tends to destroy our dreams sometimes, you can take steps to smooth the road, by protecting your marriage. And you can do it without even leaving the couch by considering marriage preparation online.

Learn how to recognize and navigate pitfalls of a marriage

Marriage preparation online is a process that will encourage you and your fiance to consider the everyday challenges that most marriages experience – so that you can learn how to recognize and navigate such pitfalls in your marriage if they occur.  Marriage preparation online will also encourage you to consider your reasons for marrying, your expectations around marriage, and of your life together so that you can ensure that your expectations are realistic (which will avoid disappointment) and will also help you to develop a healthy communication style within your relationship.

You can expect to find your marriage preparation online experience through a variety of different mediums – such as; online counselors, online courses, advice and tips found online, apps, forums and groups built explicitly around marriage preparation online. The format and structure of your marriage preparation experience will be individual to the vendor – but all should revolve around the main focus areas listed below.

Building an open and honest communication style

If you and your spouse stop communicating or communicate ineffectively, you can be sure that problems will arise. When you plan to marry, you are planning to build and live a life together, and you are also committing to deal with all of the responsibilities and problems that occur together, as a partnership – so you’ll need to be able to communicate well!   

If you or your spouse cannot express what they want, if incorrect assumptions are made, if one partner always responds to problems a certain way that is difficult for their spouse, then you’ve got problems that can grow and harm your marriage.   Marriage preparation online can help you to avoid this problem.

Learning how to communicate effectively now and in the future will ensure that if any of these challenging communication styles appear in your marriage that you’ll be able to spot them, and discuss, or work through them together.  You’ll also learn how to communicate well in all situations – not just the difficult ones, and possibly determine how you are currently communicating, so that you can work through any critical topics that you might be avoiding.

Learning how to keep the love alive

If you are about to marry, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that you’ll be thinking positively and expecting to remain in love and happy together for the rest of your life.  But with so many marriages experiencing an emotional distance between spouses at some time or other – which some marriages never manage to recover from (leading to divorce). It’s important to make sure that you maintain the love and respect in your marriage.

Not paying attention to the task of keeping the love alive is a risky strategy for a marriage.  Especially when it doesn’t take too much effort to invest in learning about the common pitfalls and developing strategies or techniques that you can use to keep the love alive through marriage preparation online.  

Whether you develop skills in understanding your spouse’s perspective, learn how to compromise, ensure that you spend valuable time together in the years to come, retain intimacy, have each other’s back, and work together as a team as you navigate through life.  They will all help you in the future and are essential topics that should frequently be discussed in your marriage so that you can keep it stable and secure.

Conflict resolution

Arguments can be healthy, they can clear the air, but the types of arguments you are experiencing in your relationship now will change over time.  

Conflict can arise through family, parenting, poor communication, a distance between each other, pushing each other’s boundaries, bringing burdens from the past into the marriage, misaligned goals and values, unrealistic expectations and from many many more issues. These arguments are the real deal, they are more serious – they’ll be about life issues, and a lot will be riding on them. Which only adds to the drama.   

Conflict can be unpleasant and damaging to your marriage.  But If you can learn to recognize what is happening when you experience conflict in your marriage, and you can agree upon a strategy to diffuse the situation. The story changes into an account of a fabulous and loving marriage despite the troubles.

The three topics discussed above should be essential for every married couple to be aware of and educated in.  All three are often covered in-depth when you undertake marriage preparation online.

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How to Make Time for Your Personal Hobbies When Married

Having a hobby is important to many of us. Without a hobby to fall back on, many of us find ourselves succumbing far too often to boredom. When you’re married, your life is no longer an individual venture; you must now divide your time and attention between you and your partner.  

1. Encourage your spouse with their hobbies

It is much easier to find time to pursue your hobbies if your partner is doing the same. Many couples will have met through a shared hobby or interest, so sometimes it is natural to include one another. However, where you and your spouse don’t have a shared hobby, you should encourage them to find one of their own. You can always invite them to join you, of course, but some couples find the time apart valuable, and some individuals find that they need a little solitude in their lives. Speaking of which…

2. Don’t be afraid to spend time apart

It is only natural to want to spend as much time as possible with your spouse, especially when you are just married. But it is important to recognize the value of spending time apart from one another. It will also be of great value to both of you to have an activity or pursuit you can go to when either of you needs some time alone. If you and your spouse argue (and even the best couples do), it can help a lot if you each have a hobby you can turn to as a way of calming down.

3. Be respectful

For many people, their hobbies are an important part of their life and identity; they can even be the basis of a career. A person’s hobby can, therefore, be something that is very important to them. However, if your hobby is very important to you, and you want your spouse to be respectful of that, you must also be respectful of their wishes and interests. Make sure that you aren’t prioritizing your hobby over other commitments to your spouse and that you treat their interests with the respect you wish for.

4. Be honest

You should never be sneaking off to pursue your hobby in secret. If you are doing this, it will inevitably require you to lie to or mislead your spouse. You should always be honest with your partner, especially when it comes to your interests and passions, and how you spend your time. Fostering trust is a crucial part of any relationship and you should take any opportunity to strengthen it. Being open and honest about your hobby is an easy way of contributing to this.

5. Prioritize

Another crucial component of any successful and long-term relationship is the ability to prioritize. If you consider your hobby to be a major part of your life, make sure that your spouse understands this. As long as you show that you are willing and able to prioritize your time, your partner will find it easy to be supportive.

When you are married, you will often find that you don’t have as much free time to pursue your own interests. However, as long as you are considerate and honest with your spouse, you should find it relatively simple to make the time for your hobby.

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The Handy Marriage Dress Buying Guide That All Brides To Be Must Read

So, it’s getting close to the marriage dress shopping excursion. Excitement might be in the air, but there are also likely to be many questions, and concerns too. Such as ‘do I take my own underwear?’, ‘what’s the process of buying a marriage dress?’, ‘what do I need to consider?’, and ‘how can I make the whole experience something wonderful by avoiding stress?’

It’s not like you pop out to buy a marriage dress every day, it’s natural to have some questions, or even miss some useful tips that would have made the process smooth. So we have put together this quick guide to help you every step of the way.   

Starting with what you might need to consider before you head to the bridal shops, how to go about maintaining momentum, and how to snag the best amount of time and attention from the sales staff at the shop.  

Scheduling your shopping trip

Shop on a weekday

Shopping on a weekday will ensure that you have a higher chance of getting more attention from the sales staff since they won’t be so busy.  You’ll probably get around the shops quicker, and have much more space to sashay, twirl, and gloat over your dress too.

Always book an appointment

It’s much better to book an appointment.  If you are heading out for dress trials, you may as well make sure that you can get the undivided attention that you’ll need, and that your salesperson is in the zone if you shop on a quiet day.  You may not be so lucky if you just walk in.

Skip day one of any sample sale

If you are attending a sample sale, avoid the first day. It’s just going to be busy, stressful and frustrating. Find out how long the sale runs for and attend later. The last day may have even more markdowns too.  

Keep it exclusive

Seriously, don’t bring your ten bridesmaids, your four sisters, your Mum, Nan, Great Aunt Edna and her friends’ dog along to find your wedding dress.  It’s going to be a nightmare that way. You’ll be distracted by them, and nobody will have the same opinion. Instead, take one or two of your closest friends or family members (ideally those gems of friends who are honest and practical with their advice).

Make sure to factor everything in for the bridal shop budget

Pay attention to your budget. Did you budget for your marriage dress on its own and then plan a separate budget for the accessories? If you didn’t then you need to remember to save some of your budget for such things. Items you are going to need are the veil, jewelry, shoes, hair accessories, underwear, and alterations. Allocate these costs first, this way you won’t realize later that you’ve blown the budget and then have to either give up it up or find more money!  

Keep on scouting

Remember you are going to need bags of momentum. Mainly because you might not find the perfect gown on your first trip out. Which might be disappointing.  The thought of going through all of the trying on again might seem gruelling. Try to take it in your stride. Keep on scouting, there is a beautiful gown out there waiting for you.

Additional tips

The underwear dilemma

Many bridal shops have a variety of bras in the fitting room. But if you’ve already picked your underwear, or have a favorite style, or shaper – or just prefer to bring your own underwear then bring it along. You won’t need your chosen undergarments until your first fitting.

Sample gowns

Bridal shops cannot possibly carry every marriage dress available, even if they do stock the bridal gown designer that you prefer. Most will try to obtain a sample of the dress you desire if you call ahead and ask them. So if you have a specific dress you’d like to try, ask the bridal shop to see if there is a chance they could obtain a sample for you.  

Undergarments

Try to find undergarments that match your skin tone as closely as possible, and also consider anybody shaping garments that will enhance the look of your dress (just make sure that you can breathe in them!).

Glam up the shoes  

You don’t have to stick to a classic white stiletto. Instead, if you are into high fashion then stick on your favorite pair of blue Louboutins.  Other ideas are flip flops for a summer wedding, if you are into Doctor Martens wear them – anything goes Trainers, cowboy boots, snow boots, slippers.

Jewelry

If your dress is very detailed, and intricate, play down the jewelry, even wearing nothing but the engagement ring – don’t forget the engagement ring!

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3 Marriage Preparation Resources to Keep Your Relationship Happy

So you’re about to tie the knot and the big day is looming.  By now some thought and even some planning has probably gone into your wedding ceremony.  But the ceremony is just one day, and a long-serving memory. It isn’t your marriage. And since marriage can be a challenge at times, and will require a lot of effort over the years, it makes sense to find some useful marriage preparation resources, so that you can make sure that your marriage will be long lasting, happy and healthy.

But don’t worry, you don’t have to research your own marriage preparation resources because we’ve made a start for you. Here are three ways that you can protect your marriage by preparing in advance.

Journalling

Ok, so this might not be the first thing you’d expect to see as a marriage preparation resource, but it’s a healthy habit to develop.  It’s also a great self-assessment technique and one that will see you through the tough times, not just in your marriage but throughout life too.  

Of course, when we refer to journalling, we don’t mean the type of lifestyle/papercrafts journaling that you see a lot of these days (where images, words, and pretty papers are used to create something visual to look at). We don’t mean keeping a diary either. We mean reflective journaling.  

Reflective journaling is one of the best ways to develop your sense of self-awareness and to figure out what is going on in your life compared to your goals and dreams.  

You simply take a notebook, and a list of topics, ask yourself questions and write down your answers. Then read through your responses afterward to figure out what in your life might need attention, what you are doing to achieve your goals (or how you might be sabotaging your goals) and to critique your decisions.  

Typical questions you might ask yourself :

• What does marriage mean to you?
• What are your expectations from your marriage and are they realistic?
• If your expectations are realistic, how do you know?  
• How can you ensure that you are fully present in your marriage?
• What can you do, (what strategies can you create) for when there is a problem?
• How do you communicate with your fiance?
• How would you like your fiance to communicate with you?
• What needs to change in the relationship?
• How can you create the change in the relationship without forcing your will onto others?
• What do other people who are married say about their experience of marriage?
• Where do you think you’ll experience problems?
• How will you cope with trauma or loss, is it possible to build contingencies?
• What would have to happen to make you leave a marriage?
• What would make you stay in a marriage?
• How will you manage money?
• How do you feel about where you live?
• Are you both on the same page when it comes to children?
• What concerns do you have about marriage?
• What concerns do you have about your fiance?

If you can encourage your fiance to follow this process too,  and then honestly discuss your answers with each other (you don’t have to share them with each other). It’s a great way to iron out any creases, to create contingencies for any problems that may occur and for making sure that you are both headed in the same direction in your marriage.

Pre-marriage counseling

Pre-marriage counseling is a great way to achieve similar results to those discussed above, but without having to assess and critique your own answers, and without having to spend time researching the solutions to any problems you have uncovered.  

A Pre-Marriage Counselor has seen it all, they know all of the pitfalls that can occur in marriage and also know the typical mindset of a premarital couple.  Which means that while it will be more expensive to hire a pre-marital counselor, it’s also one of the best marriage preparation resources that you will find and a great way to protect and preserve your marriage.

Premarital courses

Another, interesting marriage preparation resource is a premarital course.  Courses can vary in time to complete and content, and can also be taken online, or in person (depending upon the provider). There are also courses related to specific religions.  Because the courses can vary, it’s worth researching well to make sure that you pick a course that you feel that you and your fiance will get the most out of.

Courses will cover topics such as communication, conflict resolution, commitment, shared goals and values and how to keep the spark of love alive in your marriage. You might have the opportunity to ask married couples questions, and will leave (or end) the course feeling clear about how to manage your marriage succeed.

An investment in a marriage preparation resource is going to give you the best chance to achieve a strong and healthy marriage, and with these three resources, there’s something to suit all budgets – so there’s no excuse!

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Ever Wonder What It Is like to Be Married to a Soldier?

Every marriage has its share of challenges, especially once the children arrive and the family unit grows.  But military couples have unique, career-specific challenges to face: that of frequent moves, the deployment of the active duty partner, having to constantly adjust and set up routines in new places (often entirely new cultures if the change of station is overseas) all while handling the traditional family responsibilities.  

We talked to a group of military spouses who shared some of the pros and cons of being married to a member of the armed services.

1. You are going to move around

Cathy, married to a member of the U.S. Air Force, explains: “Our family gets moved an average of every 18-36 months.  That means that the longest we’ve ever lived in one place is three years. On one hand, that’s great because I love experiencing new environments (I was a military brat, myself) but as our family grew larger, it just means more logistics to manage when it is time to pack up and transfer.  But you just do it, because you really don’t have much of a choice.”

2. You’ll get to be an expert at making new friends

Brianna tells us that she relies on the other family units to build her new network of friends as soon as her family is transferred to a new army base.  “Being in the military, there’s sort of a built-in “Welcome Wagon”. The other military spouses all come to your house with food, flowers, cold drinks as soon as you move in.  Conversation is easy because we all have one thing in common: we are married to service members. So you really don’t have to do a lot of work to make new friendships each time you move.  That’s a nice thing. You get instantly plugged into the circle and have people to support you when you need, for instance, someone to watch your kids because you have to go to the doctor or just need some time to yourself.”

3. Shifting is hard on the children

“I’m fine with the constant moving around,” Jill tells us, “but I know that my kids have a tough time leaving their friends and having to make new ones every couple of years.”  Indeed, this is hard for some children.  They must get used to themselves with a group of strangers and the usual cliques in high school every time the family gets transferred.  Some children do this with ease, others have a much more difficult time. And the effects of this ever-changing environment—some military children can attend up to 16 different schools from first grade through high school– can be felt long into adulthood.

4. Finding meaningful work in terms of career is difficult for the military spouse

“If you are being uprooted every couple of years, forget about building a career in your area of expertise”, says Susan, married to a Colonel.  “I was a high-level manager in an IT firm before I married Louis,” she continues. “But once we got married and began changing military bases every two years, I knew no firm would want to employ me at that level.  Who wants to invest in training a manager when they know they won’t be around for the long-term?” Susan retrained as a teacher so she could continue working, and she now finds work teaching the children of military families in the on-base Department of Defense schools.  “At least I’m contributing to the family income, “ she says, “And I feel good about what I’m doing for my community.”

5. Divorce rates are high among military couples

The active duty spouse can be expected to be away from home more often than at home. This is the norm for any married enlisted man, NCO, Warrant Officer, or Officer serving in a combat unit.  “When you marry a soldier, you marry the Army”, the saying goes. Although military spouses understand this when they marry their loved one, the reality can often be a shock, and these families see a divorce rate of 30%.

6. The stress of a military spouse is different from those of a civilian

Marital problems related to deployment and military service can include struggles related to service-caused PTSD, depression or anxiety, caregiving challenges if their service member returns injured, feelings of isolation and resentment towards their spouse, infidelity related to the long separations, and the roller coaster of emotions related to deployments.

7. You’ve got good mental health resources at your fingertips

“The military understands the unique set of stressors that face these families”, Brian tells us.  “Most bases have a full support staff of marriage counselors and therapists that can help us work through depression, feelings of loneliness.  There’s absolutely no stigma attached to using these experts. The military wants us to feel happy and healthy and does what it can to make sure we stay that way.”

8. Being a military wife doesn’t have to be difficult

Brenda tells us her secret to staying balanced:  “As a military wife of 18+ years, I can tell you that it’s hard, but not impossible. It really boils down to having faith in God, each other, and your marriage. You have to trust each other, communicate well, and not put yourselves in situations that cause temptations to arise. Staying busy, having a purpose and focus, and staying connected to your support systems are all ways to manage. Truly, my love for my husband grew stronger each time he deployed! We tried very hard to communicate on a daily basis, whether it was text, emails, social media, or video chat. We kept each other strong and God kept us strong, too!”

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