“Love Island” Ask the Expert….Week 1

Relationship and affairs expert Yvonne Filler analyses this weeks’ drama.

So, they’re in, the class of 2018.  Record viewing figures watched the opening episode that saw our class couple up for the first time.  But never ones to hold back, the producers are already throwing the hand grenades and exciting audiences with the explosions.  So what’s caught the expert eye so far?

Kendall – As much as I loved her refreshing  “just give me time” approach, I’m glad Kendall is out.  I was beginning to really worry about her.  She just didn’t have the confidence of the others.  Sometimes confidence is just a mask (we’ll come onto that later with the boys) but Kendall genuinely looked like a rabbit in headlights.  I’m wondering if she’d ever even watched the programme before she went in – or if she was just told by her mates “you’ve got the chance to get to know a nice man, over time, in a sunshine paradise”!  She clearly has a past she hasn’t quite processed yet and there was no time for that on the island.  You barely get time to process yesterday let alone your last year.  Enjoy watching from the comfort of your sofa Kendall, and be relieved you’re no longer in the pressure cooker.

Dani – In complete contrast I’m not worried about Dani at all.  She’s a girl who knows what she wants and what she has to do to get it.  Yes, she got upset at the end of the week when Jack “appeared” to move on without blinking, but at that age we all can get a bit jealous when an ex moves on quickly.  Teenage tears aside, she’s a girl that can work through things without too much heartache. 

Laura and Wes – I predict trouble for the seemingly content “Love Island Love Birds”.  Laura shows signs of an “anxious preoccupied” attachment style.  It’s early days so she is quite rightly unsure about Wes’ feelings but she seems overly unsafe in the relationship asking for reassurance from both Wes and the other islanders.  If she actually is “anxious preoccupied” she will only get more clingy, demanding and possessive and will interpret Wes’ actions as affirmation that he doesn’t want to be with her.  This just isn’t going to work on the island.   

Alex – The media have gone crazy for Alex, grabbing such conflicting comments like “as a doctor trying to find love I sympathise with Alex” and “not just a fish out of water, he’s in the desert”.  So either love or loathe the marmite character I actually think he’s one of the more balanced, secure blokes on the island.  Yes, he’s got the usual insecurities about not being picked or finding love but I don’t think they run deep.  On the other hand……

Jack and Adam – The shiny teeth and the mediterranean good looks aren’t fooling me.  These two like to present an “I will always get what I want” approach but after an initial physical attraction females tend to feed off kindness, compassion and the ability to be vulnerable with someone.  Neither of these two look like there even close to be able to provide any of that.

We’ve already seen James admit that he was actually hurt that Dani “just want to be friends” but he didn’t want to show that her his emotional side.  A bit of boy bravado?  Could be, but I am left wondering if he’s actually going to struggle a little bit more than the others with rejection.  We all react to rejection in different ways.  I’ll be keeping an eye on him.

Adam needs it all right here, right now.  Very keen to have someone to stroke his ego so Rosie is perfect for him.  She almost can’t believe her luck that Adam “fancies” her.  Is his need to settle down a result of the same anxious-preoccupied style that Laura shows signs of, or is he simply playing the game and needing a more reliable option than Kendall?  One to watch. 

Niall and Georgia – Nothing this couple have said or done has made me think they aren’t actually the confident, secure individuals they are presenting.  Admittedly Georgia’s “journey” has been relatively straight forward so far.  Join the islanders, compulsory first date, laugh, kiss, couple up, job done, but she’s even won over the suspicious group of existing girls.  A bit like Dani, she seems to be in there for the fun as well as the love, an approach thats like to give you Love Island longevity. 

So, week 1 over already.  7 to go.  Worrying? At times.  Cringey? Yes.  Staged? Almost certainly.  But it doesn’t stop me making the tea/pouring the wine and settling down to my guilty pleasure.

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Are You Too Passive in Your Relationship?

Are You Too Passive in Your Relationship? appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise

Are you too passive in your relationship? Many people wind up being too passive in their relationships for several reasons. One reason is because they are afraid to speak up for them selves, and another because they do not like what they feel is confrontation. Some people are too passive because they choose to be the peacemaker. Regardless of the reason, if you are too passive in your relationship you are not going to wind up happy with the relationship you are creating. Many people do not realize they are being too passive in their relationships so we created a list of signs to help you recognize if you are too passive with your romantic partner?

Signs of Being Too Passive

1. You no longer do the things that were important or fun for you. If you have given up, for instance, going to the gym because your partner discourages you going or you chose to in order to do what they want to do you have made a mistake. Your life should be complimented by your partner, not devoured. What kept you healthy and/or happy should still be a part of your life. Giving up negative habits or behaviors is one thing, giving up positive things is another.

Are You Too Passive in Your Relationship?

2. You don’t make decisions in the relationship, you leave them all up to the one you love. You should have an equal say and equal role in your relationship because what you say and how you feel should be respected and important. If you always let your partner pick where you go out to eat when you have a place in mind or somewhere you would rather go you are being too passive. You are also creating an imbalance in your relationship where the world revolves around only one of you. This is not acting as a couple, but as only one person.

3. If the pace your relationship is moving either too slow or too fast for your comfort zone, you are being too passive. It should not be up to one person how fast or how slow the relationship moves. You need to voice your opinion and concerns and bring your relationships speed into your comfort zone.

4. You have lost a lot of your people. If you have ditched a lot of your friends and/or family members you are being too passive. Your friends and family had a good place in your life before your partner came along and should still have a significant role in your life.

5. If you have built up resentment you aren’t doing the relationship any favors. Stop being passive and instead begin to express your feelings of displeasure. Instead of brewing on the inside, let it out and hopefully that can then create some change and a more healthy balance within your relationship.

If you are too passive in your relationships, and you know it, please share with us some of your experiences in the comments section below.

We also invite you to read Whose Fault is It? His or Yours? 

 

The content and images on this site are copyrighted and may not be used without written permission from the site owners.

 

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Are You Planning a Pre-Wedding Photoshoot? Crazy Props to Make It More Fun

Weddings are becoming sumptuous. The pre-wedding photo shoot has become the first thing to plan for in a wedding. The shoot is the time where couples can have fun.  

What better way is there to have fun than including “fun”tastic and super cute props in the shoot? Besides choosing a perfect spot for your shoot, purchasing the best outfits and hiring the best photographers, you can add a unique touch to your photoshoot with some fun props. If you’re in a dilemma about what props to use for your pre-wedding photoshoot, here’s the list-

1. Engagement rings

A photo of you and your partner with your engagement rings makes a great photo to be added to your wedding invitation or album. This photo will definitely remind you of your bond and commitment.

2. Bubbling with love and fun

Bubbles are another great prop that can add fun and romance to your photoshoot. Bubbles are reminiscent of childhood days and can reflect the simplicity of having fun. Bubbles can go with any color backdrop or any light setting. They add a dreamy effect to the photos and barely cost anything.

3. Flower bouquets

Flowers are quintessential to any wedding. Flower bouquets are one of the common props included in the photoshoot list. Attractive and colorful flowers can brighten up any situation and they can also add an extra romantic effect. You can use unique floral bouquets or floral arrangements for your photo shoot. You can also use just the flower petals for a more classic photo.

4. Color smoke bombs

Color smoke bombs are trending and every photographer actually loves the effect they create. You’ll be surrounded by color clouds which can create a dreamy atmosphere, making it the perfect background for your pre-wedding photoshoot.

5. Balloons

Balloons are undoubtedly the perfect photo shoot prop. They come in all sizes and shapes and in all colors. These colorful props can add more vibrancy to any pre-wedding photoshoots. Having balloons will light up your mood and spirit. It is the perfect prop for people of all ages to have fun. This is what makes it a great prop to work with. You can find all types of balloons from foil to latex and round shaped to alphabet balloons. You can use balloons in a more creative and unique way to announce your wedding date.

6. Banners

Not just on the walls, but banners also add some spice to the wedding photoshoot. They come in various sizes and shapes. You can use banners to announce your wedding date or the names of you and your partner. You can simply hang the banners on the tree or wall or you and your partner can hold each end of the banner.

7. Chalkboards

Just like the banners, chalkboards can also be used to announce your wedding in a unique way. You can use your creativity in chalkboards. Using funny captions on the chalkboard can act as a bizarre factor of your photoshoot. These funny captions can either be printed and pasted or handwritten on the chalkboards. Chalkboards are the best way to give you fun memories that you can cherish forever.

8. Colorful frames

A frame in a photo adds a unique touch to the photo. You can hold the frame together with your partner to spice up your pre-wedding photoshoot. You can also use colorful frames to add more fun and to give different poses. This is a must-have prop if you and your partner love to pose. You can rent a frame from photo booth companies. You can also get additional props like big glasses, beards, mustaches, etc. The more creative the props, the more fun your photoshoot could turn out to be.

Now that you’ve known some really super cool props for the shoot, which one are you going to pick? No matter how fancy and beautiful your wedding props are, you need a professional wedding photographer to click it in a great way.

Have a fairytale photoshoot of yours!!!

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Her Husband Looks at Other Women–She’s Jealous

Jealousy can tear a relationship apart. Here's a story about a woman whose husband looks at other women and what she discovered...

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Why It’s Important to Heal From Childhood Traumas Before Getting Married

I married a mentally ill man. The realization came after the wedding, on a rainy interstate as he pounded the steering wheel in a rage, literally taking our lives into his hands. At ninety miles an hour, you get some perspective. Why the hell had I married this maniac? A decade later, I know the answer: I married my childhood wounds. And this is what we do. We seek to heal the wounds of our childhood by dating and marrying them. That’s why, before setting out to find our soulmate, we need to heal ourselves.

We didn’t live together before we married, but the signs were there. He had raged on a smaller scale. I realize now that this behavior, which would have been a red flag to a “normal” person, wasn’t for me. Why? Because in my experience, rage was the fodder of family get–togethers. The night after our wedding, my cousin broke my uncle’s nose. When my new husband and I brought ice to my uncle, my aunt announced: “Welcome to our happy family!” Humor was our collective coping mechanism. At another aunt’s fortieth birthday, someone walked around with a tray, asking jokingly if anyone would like a “coffee, tea, antidepressant?

We marry our childhood wounds!

The psychological phenomenon for why we marry our childhood wounds lies In “attachment theory and unconscious mental models…our earliest relationships…not only influence how we are able to connect to others as adults—in romantic and other contexts—but also create internalized scripts or working models of how relationships work…As human beings, we are drawn, on an unconscious level, toward the familiar. For a securely attached individual whose primary connections taught her that people are loving, dependable, and trustworthy, this is just dandy. But for those of us who are insecurely attached, the familiar can be dangerous territory.”

Familiar territory can be dangerous

The familiar was certainly dangerous for me. After my epiphany on the interstate, I gave my husband an ultimatum: get help or get lost. Eventually, with the right diagnosis (Bipolar II), medication, therapy, and holistic healing, he got better. But it doesn’t always work out this way. Two key factors in healing are self-awareness and motivation, both of which my husband had. The ultimatum was the tipping point, but he knew he was a mess, and he was tired of being miserable. Thankfully, he was able to heal, and we now enjoy a strong marriage built on a decade of supporting each other through life’s ups and downs. But we could all save ourselves so much suffering if, instead of attempting to heal ourselves by marrying our wounds, we first healed them by other means.    

So how do we heal?

Truly healing from trauma requires a two-pronged approach. Traditional therapy is crucial to helping us identify what our issues are and the connections between our childhood wounds and unconscious behaviors. However, it’s not enough. Ever known someone who’s been seeing a shrink for decades without much improvement? That’s because trauma has an energy to it, and we carry that energy within us, mainly in our chakras, until we clear it. Childhood trauma is stored in our first three chakras: the root, sacral, and solar plexus.

Getting the energy from the trauma out of your system

Until that energy is healed, it continues to fuel our unconscious behaviors and causes anxiety, an inability to know ourselves, and a lack of self-confidence (respectively). To clear this energy, we need energy therapy. Acupuncture, emotional freedom technique, and Reiki, just to name a few, all seek to balance our energy and/or remove energy blockages. When looking for a therapist, choose one that has at least a dozen good reviews as well as a Google business listing and/or social media presence. This ensures that they cannot filter out negative reviews.

Once we heal our wounds, we can enter into relationships and are able to spot red flags. And then, we can consciously go about choosing a partner who will mirror our healed selves. It’s key to remember that we’re not just doing this for ourselves, but also for any future children we may have. While “happily ever after” may be the perfect ending for fairy tales, breaking the cycle of dysfunction is the beginning of a reality that we can all achieve.    

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Does Parental Divorce Have an Effect on a Child’s Education?

Kids suffer from unprecedented emotional harm after divorce. The school year doesn’t even go too far before teachers recognize the divorce symptoms as they reflect on the child’s performance while in class. With no knowledge of what’s happening in their students’ personal lives, teachers easily notice signs which alert them to the issue.

Although these challenges may befall children of any family, they are quite rampant when it comes to kids of divorced parents. Socrates Gorgias once raised a crucial issue when he asked, “Will the soundness of the soul cause disorder or certain proportion and order?” Well, here we want to answer him by stating that the emotional life of any child goes through strain and stress after divorce. Now, let’s go deeper into some of these harmful effects!

Reduced concentration span

Kids have a tough time trying to concentrate on their academics with diligence and attention. They experience deep conflict during parental divorce which gives them a sense of instability and insecurity. Without harmony, order, and peace in their homes, such students are unable to give their studies the attention it deserves.

In most cases, the fears, anxiety, and anger of their parents end up visiting the children too. So, just like sickness limits the academic achievement of a student, mental turmoil comes with a tough challenge that prevents kids from learning correctly. Also, remember that the mind of any child requires serenity and composure to memorize, reflect, think and master content.

G.K Chesterton, an expert in the field of learning, observed that “50 percent of the education process happens in the ‘atmosphere.’” A relaxed and quiet environment creates the perfect conditions for learning and concentration!

Children generally feel unhappy about studies

Education needs kids to be joyful and have a rich sense of wonder, plus the love for life. Sadly, divorce destroys a child’s source of delight and imposes on them too much sadness. Divorce affects the child’s spirit and empties it of excitement, energy, and enthusiasm.

In many cases, the teacher notices a listlessness, apathy, and passivity in the students who do small tasks, show no determination or willingness to learn. Such is because a secure family setting during parental divorce exerts a loving influence on the child, motivates, and inspires them to do the best.

Kids appear disorganized and disoriented

Here, the first signs that the teacher will notice is when homework is not done, essays fail to meet deadlines, and of course, being late for class. Also, procrastination and tardiness appear in several forms. Just like Plato and Socrates teach, “If there’s no order in one’s soul, a person’s life lacks self-discipline and control.”

Since the child often stays in two homes, he or she has to adapt to two separate sets of standards and customs. Eventually, he or she fails to gain an actual sense of expectation that’s mostly got from parents who are living in the same place and follow the same teachings and ideals.

Such a state of mind comes with a false sense of apathy or sloth as well as a “don’t care” attitude. Whether he or she succeeds or fails has no importance if one of the parents is missing from his or her life. So, basically, the child of a failed marriage lacks willpower, idealism, and motivation.

Divorced couples deciding who should pay the educational fees

One of the toughest challenges, which generally face divorced couples, is deciding on the person who should pay for the child’s college fees. In many situations, the parties end up going to court to decide on who should take custody of all, if not most of these responsibilities.

While such wrangles continue to happen in the courtroom, the child’s education continues to worsen. You’ll even find that in some situations, a child is unable to attend school. Luckily, such cases end up being rectified. Eventually, there’s nothing that can replace the lost time. Our advice to parents seeking divorce is to make prior preparations financially before finally separating.

Low self-esteem of the child

Children of divorced parents have a hard time trying to understand the concept of divorce. Any angry child would ask, “Who invented divorce?” What this does to a young student is giving him or her a false sense of belonging, undernourished emotionally, and deprived of love and affection. In the end, they end up performing poorly in their studies.

Conclusion

While divorce often seems like the most straightforward approach to solving family conflicts, it comes with adverse effects especially on the lives of young students. It destroys their concentration, and passion for learning. On the other hand, a child with a strong family foundation has a more comfortable and prosperous time in school.

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3 Quirky Wedding Invites That Are Just Perfect

Your wedding day is the most important day of your life, one that you and your spouse will treasure forever, but it sure does take a lot of planning and hard work to get it just right. For many, planning the wedding is part of the fun, especially as it allows them to take control and get everything exactly as they want it to be for the big day. One area that allows your personality to shine through is in the choice of wedding invitations. They’ll be treasured by whoever receives them of course, but they’ll be enjoyed even more when you go out of your way to send something a little different to the norm.

Personalized postcards

Traditional wedding invitations, still available today, have changed little from those used by the generations of our parents and grandparents, and they remain popular. Predominantly white, they feature familiar motifs such as horseshoes, hearts and wedding bells. A much more modern option is to send wedding postcards as invites, and their big appeal is that they can be customized to your heart’s content. There are lots of options to choose from, including rounded corners and different coatings for added durability, and it’s easy to upload a picture that truly represents the special day to come – such as the happy couple to be in a relaxed, informal pose.

Tea towel invitations

Some people like to keep and treasure their wedding invitations forever, especially if they come from a close friend or family member, but over time the card or paper can become faded or damaged. This won’t be a problem if you use a material that’s a little more durable, such as a cotton tea towel. That’s right, you can now have an elaborate wedding invitation printed on a tea towel and then sent to your guests. It’s certainly a wedding invitation that they’ll never forget, and it’s practical too. The ink used on the tea towels are colorfast, so they can be utilized just like any other towel. The only difference is that these will bring a smile to the face each time they’re used.

Wooden wedding invites

Are you and your partner nature lovers? If so, wouldn’t it be great if the wedding invitations that you send reflect this? Well, they will do if you send wedding invites that are made out of wood. They’re very durable and incredibly stylish, so those who receive them will want to hold onto them as a keepsake and a reminder of a great day. Look for ones which are made from sustainably sourced wood, as this also means that they’re an environmentally friendly alternative to standard wedding invites.

Do you want your wedding to be spectacular, or run of the mill? That’s an easy question to answer of course, so why use wedding invitations that are run of the mill? Wedding postcards, wooden invites, and invitations printed on tea towels are just some of the ways that you can stand out from the crowd. They’re fun but memorable and can be an ideal way to invite those closest to you to be your guest at the most special of occasions.

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