Four Shocking Famous Divorces That We Can All Learn From

With celebrity culture rife, and rising it’s hard to avoid hearing about what is going on in the world of the famous. Even if you don’t pay too much attention to popular culture, you’ll probably, be aware of some snippets of celebrity life.  Famous divorces are no exception. If an A-list couple marries or divorces, you can guarantee that you are going to hear about it.

But we can learn from these famous divorces, after all, personal growth lessons can be found everywhere.  We can see the silver lining in them and bring the experiences into our awareness, lives, and marriages. And we can do that even if we don’t enjoy the glam, glitter or any other superficial nonsense often involved in a famous divorce or marriage that doesn’t inspire us.  

Of course, we’ll never know what went wrong in any famous divorce that we hear about; we can only learn from what has been put out into the public eye. But there are still some profound lessons that famous divorces can teach you about divorce.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston

This is one famous divorce that many of us have yet to accept!  Brad and Jennifer seemed to have it all, including a picture-perfect marriage.  However, in 2005 news broke that they had decided to divorce.

Why they divorced

According to the rumor mill, this famous divorce occurred because they were able to agree on whether to have children or not.  Brad wanted to, Jen did not.

The lesson

There are some shared goals and values that are absolute deal breakers when it comes to maintaining a marriage, and children are one of them. You need to be on the same page when it comes to children.  

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore

Bruce and Demi were another surprising famous divorce – they seemed like they’d last forever, and their marriage did last a very long time (over ten years).  They had the whole deal, love, contentment and a family together and there were no claims of an affair. So what went wrong?

Why they divorced

The passion died, the spark fizzled out, and they became bored with each other and their life together, according to the press.

The lesson

Maintaining the spark in a marriage continuously, and for the rest of your time together is essential if you want to avoid becoming another divorce statistic.  Effort should be applied to appreciate and make time for your spouse as a matter of priority, throughout your marriage.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Ben and Jen were another couple who seemed to be in a whirlwind of marriage perfection, they had three children together and were frequently photographed looking happy together.  

Why they divorced

The reasons behind this famous divorce is a common cause for divorce – an affair.  Unfortunately, they split up in 2015 amongst rumors that Ben had an affair with their nanny.  

The lessons

While Jennifer really couldn’t have changed the situation (other than not hiring an attractive nanny), she was firm in her boundaries over fidelity, hopefully leading to a happier life after Ben.  Clear boundaries are essential in any relationship, but it’s important to stand by them too.

Nobody is immune to temptations, but If you choose to partake in infidelity, and cannot resist it despite clear boundaries, then you can expect to be paying high stakes with your marriage, or perhaps need to take a look at what is wrong within your marriage that should cause you to look elsewhere.  

Taylor Kinney and Lady Gaga

An unusual couple they may be, but they were a couple who seemed extremely happy together, and sharing it with the world with plenty of romantic photos – only to end up on the ‘famous divorce heap’ but still claiming to love each other.  

The reason for divorce

Demanding work schedules, and an inability to find the right work-life balance.

The lesson

It’s important to determine priorities before getting married because one of the key features of marriage is establishing priorities that both parties agree upon.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

It’s no secret that Katie Holmes had a crush on Tom even in her teens, so when she married him, this seemed to be one of those marriages that could be predestined. But surprisingly their famous divorce hit the headlines six years later.  

The reason for divorce

This famous divorce was probably also on the cards, just because their fundamental values were misaligned.  They divorced because (according to rumors) Katie was not onboard with Scientology values and when she became a mother, she was not prepared to subject their Daughter to such values.  She felt she was protecting her Daughter.

The lesson

A marriage will not last if one party is absorbed in and committed to a particular fundamental belief and the other party is not. Religious beliefs can become a genuine stumbling block for some couples and lead to divorces.

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Loving Female Led Relationship COUPLES WORKBOOK is HERE!

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What are backlinks? | Backlinks

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What to Do if Your Significant Other Has a Gambling Problem

Gambling is intended as a recreational activity, not an all-consuming distraction. It should be lighthearted and entertaining instead of stressful and erratic. If you are noticing that your partner spends an excessive amount of time and money at the casino or in the online gaming sphere, they might be a compulsive gambler. Here are some questions to ponder if you think this could describe your significant other:

• Do they turn to gambling as a form of escape from conflicts or difficult situations?
• Do they often place reckless wagers then feel the impulse to chase their losses?
• Do they tend to isolate while gaming or lie to avoid confrontation about the behavior?
• Do they shirk their obligations like school, work and household in favor of gambling?
• Do they seem disinterested in pursuing their relationships and other hobbies?
• Do they resort to extreme or unpredictable mood swings when they lose money?

If any of these scenarios resonate with you, it’s plausible that your partner has a gambling issue. This can become a serious problem with negative impacts on your relationship, but although it might seem overwhelming at times, don’t feel like you need to navigate this alone. The advice below can point you toward resources, guidance and support, both for yourself and the person you love.   

Help your partner establish healthy limits

When it comes to recovering from any kind of compulsion, maintaining accountability is crucial. So urge your partner to create boundaries for the frequency and duration of time they can spend gaming. On some of the gambling sites, you can regulate their spending by activating self-exclusion features on the site. This tool can enforce limits on wagers, losses and the time allocated for playing. It also gives the option to suspend account usage altogether for a minimum of one week. These restrictions will teach your partner how to gamble safely in moderation.

Take responsibility for financial decisions

While you don’t want to be overbearing and controlling of your partner, since they have an unreliable track-record with money, for the time being, it’s a smart idea to manage the household finances yourself. If the other person if willing to cooperate, decide together how much access your partner should have to the joint bank accounts, then open separate accounts for the remaining finances and keep the login credentials hidden. You also need to be prepared to withstand your partner’s requests for money, as those with gambling issues are often prone to begging or manipulation tactics.   

Be supportive but avoid enabling the issue

The line between extending compassion and becoming part of the problem can get blurry, so remember it’s not your job to shield the other person from the consequences of their actions. Even the sincerest intentions of supporting and encouraging your partner can turn into enabling the compulsion if you’re not careful. For instance, although it might be tempting to give your partner the cash needed to repay their debts, it’s more beneficial when you allow them to experience the brunt of their choices and learn from their mistakes. Otherwise, you are just reinforcing the irresponsible behavior.   

Encourage your partner to seek counseling

Since the causes of compulsive gambling often mirror those of substance abuse, your partner might not be able to control their urges despite a genuine desire to quit. Biological, social and environmental factors can all contribute to a gambling issue, so your partner might need to seek professional help to recover. In fact, gambling emits the same chemical reactors in the brain as certain drugs which can give the person a sense of feeling high. A licensed therapist can assist your partner in figuring out the roots of their problem, then teach them how to utilize interventions to help break the cycle.

Find outlets to process your own emotions

There are many complex emotions involved in watching someone you love struggle with any kind of compulsion. You might be feeling anxious, betrayed, helpless, frustrated, scared, angry or all of these combined. You desperately want to reach them but have no idea where to begin. So as the significant other, you need to create your own network of support to deal with these ramifications. Find safe spaces to process what you’re feeling with those who understand and empathize—a support group for the friends and family members of compulsive gamblers is an ideal starting point.  

You might be intimidated or fearful to confront your partner for their gambling issue, but this difficult conversation can be the most loving action you take for them. If you’re unsure how to navigate this process, the Responsible Gaming Foundation has online resources, advice and a free hotline to assist you. Gambling problems are serious, but they don’t have to derail your entire relationship.

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Work as a Team to Prevent Failed Marriage

So many marriages fail because the partners are working against one another rather than together. In a failed marriage, one may feel as though they’re superior and deserve things to be their way. One may feel as though they’re putting forth the most effort. At the end of the day, does this really matter? Why allow minor things such as who does/gives what interfere with a union that is designed or permanence? Is it really that serious? If we shift our focus and view our marriage as a partnership where we work as a team rather than seeing it as a competition where we compare every detail, progress can be made.

Marriage replaces the I/me/my with us/we/ours

If you wish to build a lasting harmony and love in your marriage, no longer can you have a selfish mindset and expect it all to be about you. That is not realistic nor how it works. Both partners must feel as though they’re just as valuable as the other. Despite what many say, men like to feel wanted and appreciated just as women. Society gives a false sense of what marriage/relationships should be, which has clouded judgment on many women’s behalf. They begin to think that it’s their way or no way. Thus, the saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. What happened to the husband? Does he not matter in this equation?

If we realized that “We Are One”, our words and actions would change drastically. We’d be less likely to inflict hurt on one another because it would be hurting ourselves. Our level of open/honest communication would increase because no one wants to play the guessing game or be filled with uncertainty and doubt. Thought would be put into our words before being expressed because very few speak ill of themselves.

Makings of a strong union

A failed marriage scenario can easily be averted. We all have the makings of a strong union if we value our mate as we do ourselves and place them at the same level of value. There is no I in T.E.A.M. = Together Each Accomplishes More.

Stop keeping tabs

Although you may be able to handle things on your own, it’s less stressful when you don’t have to. Let’s remember we’re not competitors. Stop keeping tabs on who does/gives what because it’s a joint effort. There will be times where one is more involved in certain aspects than the other, but that’s ok. You’re both working towards the same goal which is a successful, lifelong marriage. Don’t micromanage your spouse as they deal with enough of that on the job. Rather than focus on where he/she is weak, praise their strengths. If you find yourself being overly critical of how they do certain things simply because it’s not your way or to your liking, try doing it yourself. No biggie. Teammates play multiple positions all in an effort to secure the win. They are flexible and prefer to be where the greatest need is at the moment.

Be open and willing to compromise

Change is guaranteed in life, but growth is optional. Whatever you go through, good or bad, use it as a learning tool. If you fail at some things, try a different approach. Don’t be quick to discard and replace. Take the time to repair and rebuild. Besides, you wouldn’t give up on yourself!

 

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4 Ways to Co-Parent Efficiently

After going through a divorce, the way you look at your former spouse could change dramatically. In many cases, ex-partners harbor a sense of anger or frustration against one another, making it difficult to be in each other’s lives. This gets more complicated when you share a child with your ex.

Co-parenting with your former partner is a huge challenge. The person that you potentially wanted to never see again, will continue being a consistent factor in your life. I know that just thinking about this fact could cause a headache, but it is important to remember that your kids should be your first priority right now. Your child needs both of you to help raise them, guide them, and teach them. It is essential to present yourselves as a team in front of them.

Here are four ways to co-parent efficiently.

1. Go in with good intentions

It’s not unlikely that you and your former spouse have different parenting styles. You may disagree on what school is the best for your child, or what diet they should be on. Try and remind yourself that just because you are no longer married, doesn’t make them your enemy.

Instead of using these disagreements as a reason to argue, remember that you and your ex-partner both have good intentions when it comes to your children. Remember that you are both fighting for what is best for them. Maintain an open line of communication with their other parent, and instead of arguing, calmly talk it out. Do not use parenting decisions as a way to give your former spouse a hard time. Don’t simply bicker just because you still have ill feelings toward them. Co-parenting efficiently requires allowing their father or mother to move forward with their parenting style. This doesn’t change when you are divorced.

2. Do not argue in front of your children

I understand that this may be a big ask, however, it is imperative that you and your former partner are a united front while you’re with your children. Co-parenting efficiently means that you shouldn’t discuss things that might cause an argument. For example, if there are still problems that you need to discuss in court, like child support and custody, try not to discuss these issues when you are doing pick ups and drop offs with your kids. Hire a family law attorney and communicate with them on what you’re looking for and what you need. Refrain from speaking to your ex about this outside the mediation room.

Allowing your children to see you argue can be detrimental to them. Don’t let them think that they are the reason you are upset. They will pick up on the negative energy and act out or feel that they are a burden.

3. Be open to schedule changes

Most custody agreements will come with a set visitation schedule. However, life is often unpredictable and could cause you or your co-parent to be unavailable on your designated day. Instead of getting mad at your ex or giving them a hard time about not being able to care for your son or daughter, try to be understanding and allow the schedule change.

If this occurs on a regular basis, speak to them about changing the schedule permanently switching days. Do not engage in an argument or heated discussion with them about it. Calmly approach it and work together to find a new visitation schedule that works.

Remember, it is very likely that you will need to switch days sometime in the future. If you’d like your former partner to compromise with you when this day comes, you will need to compromise too.

4. Remember the good parenting qualities

Before your relationship ended, there were good parenting qualities that you once admired about your ex. Keep those in mind when disagreements arise. Just because someone is no longer a great partner, doesn’t mean that they are not a good parent. Co-parenting efficiently requires you to remind yourself of these qualities by talking to your child about what a wonderful job their father or mother may be doing. Doing this will reinforce the idea in your head and show your child that you two still appreciate and respect each other despite the divorce.

Learning how to co-parent effectively is a long process. Be patient with one another and you will slowly make progress. Remember to communicate and to compromise.

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How to Make a Man Happy Comes Down to One Thing

The phrase “how to make a man happy” pulls in thousands of searches per month. So, someone is obviously looking for some advice or insight on men, and how to understand or make them happy.

Well, as a married man myself, who also happens to be a relationship coach, I can tell you that most men I know are not that complicated at all. In fact, I’m going to make it even simpler for you – I believe, most of our behaviour as men, actually stem from one specific thing.

It influences the way we look at the world, as well as why we do what we do, even when our spouses are sometimes left baffled by it.

The advice I give frustrated women – learn to show TAAA

Some experts tell us that in order for love to flow freely between partners in a relationship, there has to be an element of polarity. Polarity is the energy that creates attraction, chemistry, and consequently a relationship of openness and willingness to display vulnerability. And there are essentially four things that a woman can do to get her man to become more “vulnerable” and open up more to her, and in doing so allowing his love to flow freely. Four words: T (trust), A (admiration), A (appreciation), A (affection – physical)

1. Trust is essentially about communicating with her man that she accepts him as he is, and trusts that he is showing up in the best way he knows how, right now.
2. Admiration is about thinking that he is awesome and great for you and letting him know constantly in various ways.
3. Appreciation is about communicating how much you value his presence and contribution, however small because it makes them feel good about his contribution and therefore himself.
4. Physical affection is about men needing to experience affection from their partners, as an extension of the previous three points. When a woman displays affection to her a man, it communicates to him that she values, appreciates, and like him. He’s essentially her knight in shining armour.

Taking all of this together, it ultimately comes down to the one thing women need to understand about men, and what they value above all else – respect.

The importance and power of respect

Figuring out how to keep your man happy starts with respect; both respect for him and for yourself. This is a crucial point for all women to understand. Respect is foundational to any healthy relationship.

But respect for another starts with respecting yourself. But here is where it gets interesting. Men thrive on respect and women thrive on love. And a man is more willing to love a woman who respects him and a woman is more willing to respect a man who loves her. But, this actually becomes an unhealthy cycle.

If you want him to show you more love, then it’s time to show him more respect, even when it’s difficult (within reason of course).

Several ways to show respect to your man

One of the most powerful ways is to validate him in front of others. You may think he wasn’t listening when you told your friends about how awesome he is, but he was. In fact, these types of compliments will actually motivate him to work harder to please you, so make sure he hears you. Ask his opinion.

Men naturally want to be the leader and feel like he’s making the decisions. We are hardwired to lead and be the “hunter.” Your guy will feel respected when he knows you want his opinion and you’re listening to all he says. Asking for his opinion does NOT mean you’ll take it, but he needs to feel like you will.

Don’t smother him

Nothing sends a man running for the hills faster than trying to control him. When you allow him his space then you are showing him respect. And that respect is what makes you attractive and appealing to him.

Don’t do these things

Speaking badly about him and to him, that is emasculating or degrading, will only blow up in your face. Making him feel bad about his actions or ideas lets him know that you don’t respect him.  Consequently, it reduces his attraction to you. Also, you should never tease your man and play with his sexual desires. Do not use your body or sex to manipulate the situation. You actually have incredible power over him using your looks because he is incredibly visual.

But, when you use yourself in this way he actually ends up losing respect for you. He may not need to respect you to love you, but if he doesn’t respect you, he’ll most likely be looking for someone else whom he can respect.

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