My [28F] long-distance boyfriend [36M] told me he intends to sleep with another woman today, over my objections

My boyfriend, who lives in California, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for the last ten months since I moved to New York City for an academic position. We have been dating for more than two years over all, and have always been in a monogamous relationship. Our relationship has been stormy - we've broken up and gotten back together multiple times - but we've also frequently talked about marriage and kids, and I've considered us seriously committed to one another. He's visited me three times since we've been long-distance, I've visited him once and am planning on visiting him again this summer.

Last night, at about 11:30 p.m. my time, during what was otherwise a routine bed-time call, my boyfriend S asked for my "blessing" to sleep with a female friend who is visiting him tomorrow. While we have previously talked about the possibility of opening up our relationship, it was always in a semi-joking fashion (at least from my perspective), and we never made any serious plans, discussed ground rules, or made it clear that we intended to do this. When my boyfriend told me that he had plans to sleep with another woman, I was deeply upset and told him that I did not want him to do this, and asked him to please promise me not to sleep with this woman while I considered whether I would be okay with opening up our relationship in the future. In essence, I asked him to give me time to consider this fully, instead of just agreeing to something with very little notice. I felt ambushed by the timing of the call (late at night for me, with little warning).

He refused to promise me that he would not sleep with this woman, who is visiting him TODAY, despite the fact that I was crying and begging him not to. He told me he'd tell me if he did sleep with her, but I'm not sure I feel I can trust him to be honest with me. I am so upset over this. When I told him that I didn't want him to do this, he kept asking me for reasons why, and none of the reasons I gave him seemed to be good enough (I want to be in a monogamous relationship, I feel upset when I imagine you with another woman). S has a history of acting in ways I feel are selfish, or at least self-interested, over my objections, and I feel that this is part of a pattern.

I don't honestly think I can prevent this - in a long-distance relationship, I have no way of preventing this or even knowing what S actually does. I feel in my heart of hearts that I need to break up with S, but I am so sad and broken up over this. I feel worthless that my begging and pleading him not to do this wasn't reason enough for him not to sleep with another woman. After more than two years of us dating, when I've introduced him to all of my family, when my father has helped him apply for a job, to be treated like this makes me feel like a doormat.

**TL/DR: I often feel like I am losing touch with what's reasonable and what's not in this relationship. I have the right to object to this, don't I?**

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Spouse financial questions...

My normal meter for what is right and wrong or acceptable in a relationship is waaaaaaay off. I think I know the answer to this. But I need to double check and read proof with my own eyes before I try to form a sliver of a backbone.

DH and I have been married for 8 years, together for 13. We have 5 kids. 2 of them are from my first marriage. They consider my DH to be their father. They were 1 and 4 when we started dating so he’s all they know as a dad.

I get a very menial amount of child support. Sent only as he feels like it. (Kids 1 and 2.)

DH works and makes decent money. Enough for me to stay at home with 5 kids. Sometimes it’s tough. But it’s part of the sacrifice of me having the amazing opportunity to raise our children full time.

I stay at home, but I also own a business. A real business. Not MLM. When baby 5 came, things slowed way down, so did income. It’s here and there and I’m working to change that.

I contribute financially a significant amount when it comes to the kids. DH has no idea. All he knows is I don’t pay the mortgage or bills, so that makes me a worthless, lazy SOB that is taking advantage of him and needs to get a job. He does the weekly grocery shopping which, with 5 kids, you can imagine the cost and effort is substantial

I say he has no idea because he is only here on the weekends. I pay for everything when he is gone. Sports. Gas. Groceries. Money for school, etc. Nothing fun or elaborate. Strictly the needs of the children. (I don’t get my haircut or buy clothes or makeup. I don’t go to the doctor unless I’m 100% certain I’ll have to have a prescription. I won’t even get my eyes checked because I will need glasses and don’t want to spend the money on myself. I don’t go out with friends. We don’t eat out.) He doesn’t understand that these financial needs exists and fall on me. I never ask for money. (I was very recently given a card to access a side account he has that has a small amount from each of his paychecks for me to use. I use it as a last resort.)

I don’t tell him about this because it becomes “I pay the bills and mortgage!!” Like he thinks I’m asking for praise. When I’m just talking to my husband about our life.

Here’s my question. Oldest two are in a sport. A very expensive sport. I always pay for it on my own. The first of the fees were divided into two with two deadlines. I met the first deadline. Second deadline is tomorrow. I have scrimped and saved and salvaged and I’m very short of having the money. There is also another deadline that is thousands. That’s not for several weeks. I’ll figure it out.

Anyway. I believe that in a normal, happy, functioning marriage, the spouse should be able to say “Kid and Kid need X amount of money for sport. Let’s figure this out.” Or just say “Hey, can we write a check for X amount? Kid and kid need it by X date.” Is this me being spoiled and naive? Or is this the real world?

On my end, I can’t discuss the need with DH because it becomes a lecture on how if I need money I need to get a job. But he also tells me he wants me to stay at home because it’s best for our children.

TL;DR In a normal marriage can one spouse tell the other spouse the kids need X amount to pay for a sport? Or should the mom struggle to figure it out on her own in secret from the husband for fear of being insulted?

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Me (24f) with friend (53f) of four years. She derailed a group holiday after being horrible and controlling all day then storming home. Gonna see her soon, how to avoid a scene?

tl;dr. Friend ruined a holiday another friend (who she only knows through me) had organised and bank rolled. I am inevitably going to run into her. How to approach 1. navigating that and 2. making it up or apologising beyond "I'm so sorry" to the friend who organised the trip?

Hey everyone, sorry about the bullshit drama in this post, I'm posting here specifically to try and AVOID any senior school nonsense. Also I wrote too much. Sorry.

I've known X (53f) for four years or so. We lived together in a large shared house for a year, terminating two years ago when I moved for reasons unrelated to her. We remained close and see each other on average four or five days a week due to both of us being in a very communal area - the locals are basically a huge slightly dysfunctional family with all the pros and cons that environment comes with. The local pub is basically our living room.

X and I are very close. Her husband views me as a sort of daughter kind of figure, he and I are also close, same with her son who's around ny age. X is also aquaintances with my partner of two years, he doesn't like her much but is friendly whereas she raves about him. This is sort of important later.

X and I have had minor arguments, normally based on my perceiving her as controlling and petty on occasion and her perceiving me as "wanting all the attention" and being selfish. She's basically always been a sort of 'Mum' figure and I think feels to some degree threatened by how ingrained I have become in our community since moving to the area six years ago. The sarcastic "you're the princess of the pub, now, aren't you?" gets thrown out when she's being argumentative. These arguments are minor, pretty much always when she's been drinking, and my normal response is to shut it down, walk away, let it go and hang out with her again when she's sobered up.

So. Background done.

A friend of mine who knows X through me was visiting from another city a long way away. This friend has always been very generous to me and people I'm close to, and suggested a group trip to the coast. We would not have been able to have afforded this without his help, it was a wonderful gesture. So, Friend (referred to onwards as such), me, my BF, X, her husband and a couple other mates planned on going, all booked, all paid for, AWESOME!

It starts getting knarly here. X basically took the reins of this trip. Kept inviting other people without consulting Friend which he was amazingly relaxed about, but put up some red flags for me. I talked to Friend about it and he said not to worry.

The day of, she AGAIN did a switch up of Friend's guests (?!), basically informed him her son was coming who's a bit of a wild card so we tried to dissuade but conflict is not Friend nor my's strong suit. He ended up coming.

She then packed several of my belongings and when I was getting anxious about, you know, KNOWING WHERE MY SHIT IS, was rude to me. I was heading down later than the rest of them as my BF was late from work.

BF and I got there, Friend picked us up, all went to the place he'd rented. Second we get inside, she's giving me a hard time. She's cooking something, very pointedly keeping me out of the kitchen (we cook together a LOT and it's one of our shared passions), making comments about how she's doing all the cooking, I don't care at this point so just say sure. She then uses up all of a specialist food stuff that I need to have due to allergies. Okaaaaaay, I'll just buy some more or eat something else then.

Everyone is tense now. With perhaps the exception of her husband as he's pretty deaf. I've apologised to Friend about how she's acting, he has absurd patience and brushes it off. (NB. Friend had never been to this location before and was excited, so I was even more horrified). I know that if I'd engaged or confronted her, she would really kick off, so I was basically hoping the copious amounts of wine she was drinking woild send her to bed which 8/10 times does when she's in this mode.

No such luck. I snap at the point where she realises I'm grey rocking, says something like "OP, you have to taste test! You're the only one I trust!" I say sure, and she then goes around the room smirking and glaring (quite a multi task) at me giving tests to literally EVERYONE else, finishing with my BF who had totally missed that particular interaction. She then asks if I wanted any, I just say nah and go back to what I was doing.

Another friend there (Y) lost her Dad last week. X goes up to her, interrupts our conversation and starts going on about it. After a few minutes, I can see Y really getting stressed by the convo, so I intervene, suggest Y and I go have a smoke outside. We do. I again apologise to Friend on our way.

When we get back inside, X has left. She began to argue with her husband about the weather, burst into tears, and went home. We were worried as she was drunk and in a strange city so her son hunted for her for two hours just in case, easily 20 calls between us, and we only stopped worrying when a housemate of hers called and was with her. At that point we just washed our hands of it, all had a lovely few days (yes, her husband and son included) and put it out of our minds.

We got back a few days ago and with the exception of seeing her on Saturday evening in the pub (she scarpered within ten minutes of us (BF, Friend and me) being there and sent her husband to clean out the cat litter trays (pub cats, her responsibility) which I ended up doing because of his breathing. Obviously avoiding us.

Friend left yesterday. She knows this. I KNOW I'm going to see her sooner rather than later, I'm furious with her. Friend had tried to do a lovely thing, she ruined the build up, the first night, and didn't even have the grace to apologise to him. We've planned a Take Two trip next time he's down, strictly him, me, BF and another close friend of all of us who definitely would not be pulling any shit. Even leaving to one side how nasty she was to me, how it affected Friend and everyone else wouod have severely damaged our relationship anyway, and frankly I never really want to see her again.

She's very likely to approach at some point, angry, yelling, telling me off for I'm not sure what (probably ruining everything???) and my plan is to just walk away but I don't think that's really going to work longterm.

We share a social group that I would be devastated to lose, live five minutes apart, shop at the same grocers etc etc etc, THERE IS NO WAY I'M CAPABLE OF AVOIDING HER. UGH.

Basically my question is: when the inevitable X flip out at OP happens, how best should I aporoach this? Walk away, reply (doubt I'll get much in)? Should I approach her when she's sober and have a, IDK, break up conversation? Also, how can I make this up to Friend? I am so ashamed of this and don't know how I can ever apologise enough.

I'm lost. Please Reddit, any advice?

edit. another detail I just remembered. When we got back, she'd left an envelope addressed to Friend behind the bar with money for her, her husband's and son's ticket in it. No note. Nothing. Luckily Friend found it amusing and actually pinned it on the wall (he was staying at mine, the damn thing went in the recycling thr second he left.)

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My (25f) husband's (27m) hyperhydrosis is putting a dampener on our relationship (badumtish)

We've been together 5 years, married 2.

So, as the title; my husband has hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating) and I'm really struggling with it. Has anyone ever seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog? My husband is basically Moist.

It doesn't happen all the time, but if he gets a bit warm; BAM, he Releases The Sweat. And being near me gets him too warm. I can't cuddle him on the couch while watching a movie, we can't cuddle in bed. Sex is, well, slippery. And not from me. He's got a good sense of humor about it, but I can tell it's frustrating him as well.

I recognize that he can't do much about this, and this is mostly my issue but it's really getting to me. I'm starting to genuinely feel aversion to sex with him because the sweat will physically pour off him, and if he's on top it will drip on my face. Our sex towel isn't to avoid the wet spot. It's for him to have to pause, wipe himself down and my god, it just destroys any romance in the moment. Again, this is MY issue. Post-sex cuddling is completely off the table. Afterwards his body will kind of drain every bit of moisture out of his skin for 30-45 minutes.

I'm also just SO tired of having to change our sheets every 2-3 days, daily during summer. Any less and his night sweats make our bedroom smell horrific. Speaking of, his sweat will quite literally soak everything he touches. If he rolls over to cuddle me in the night (like any normal, loving relationship) I get a rude awakening when I realize I'm soaked to the skin. There will be a husband-shaped body outline on the sheets.

I know this is a minor issue compared to what usually happens here but I'm really starting to get frustrated with just the little mechanics of the relationship. If we're flying I'm terrified the seats are going to be too close together and half of me will be marinaded in husband sweat. I'm genuinely starting to feel kind of "skin hungry?" because we can only cuddle for about 5-10 minutes maximum before it becomes unbearable. And that's not really enough. I love this man so much, and I just want to cuddle him and not have to immediately shower afterwards.

Things we've tried; air con (still sweats), fan blasting directly at him (still sweaty), body powders (just kind of creates a paste. Very not fun during sex, not our kink), remaining clothed (he'll sweat through both his and my clothes), "wicking"clothing (still the same problem), head-to-toe application of strong antiperspirant (gave me an asthma attack). We also live in a fairly temperate climate, famous for being cold & raining a lot, we've only been in a hot climate together once and it was just a nightmare; he was a swamp monster for the entire time and he was utterly miserable.

TLDR; My husband's excessive sweating is making it difficult to be intimate, does anyone have any advice/suggestions for things we can try so that we can cuddle for more than 10 minutes at a time?

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My FWB [21F] tells me that I have a lot of red flags which would discourage someone from dating me [21M]

My FWB and I met on tinder, and she told me that one of the reasons I might not have much success in the dating world is because of my red flags. To give context to this situation, we went out, but since I'm leaving in a few weeks for another country, we decided that we would be sort of FWB. We have sex, and would probably be in a relationship if it were not for me moving (we both agreed that we didn't want a LDR). So we were talking about how weird it would be for me to date in this new country, as I only lived there as a kid, so I'd likely do most of my dating through apps like Tinder.

She told me that the following are red flags which might make someone hesitant to date me, and I don't know how to resolve them.

• I don't have facebook. I detest the platform. But I have messenger. She says that it might seem like I either only want something casual or that I might be cheating on someone. For that matter, I don't have instagram, or snapchat either. So this is apparently a big red flag. (and getting on these social media platforms is not an option. I'd rather cut my own foot off)
• I don't typically dress "well". I dress how I like to dress, and if needed I can dress up. To me, this is just because I'm comfortable with who I am and I wear what makes me comfortable. For example, when I was on Tinder part of my bio read: "I'll never ever wear khakis and a blazer, sorry." (but this is more about how I think that outfit looks stupid, as opposed to me not being willing to ever dress well, I own two well-fitting suits) According to her, it screams "casual fling" and not someone who wants to be serious. My stance is that you shouldn't change who you are. In the right situation, I might make more of an effort to dress well (the first date or an occasion), but most of the time I'm just going to be me, so there's no point in misleading someone.
• I have scars from self-harm. Once again, I can't hide them. I've been told that the best way to be comfortable with them is to not be ashamed of them. Plus they're very old. However, she says that because they're fairly visible, it makes me immediately undate-able (like serious relationship date-able). I'm not going to cover them up with make-up, though I might not display them openly on a first date, but I don't know how to bring up a topic like that before the person I'm dating makes up in their mind that I'm an unsuitable candidate.

**Tl;Dr**: My FWB says I have several red flags which might hinder my dating life when I move. 1) (almost) no social media; 2) unwillingness to dress "well"; 3) my self-harm scars, which I try not to hide from, but which are very old

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My girlfriend[25f] mad at me [34m] for not giving her a gift for birthday. Should I just walk?

So I am in a long distance relationship.

• I flew 6000 miles for my gf of 3 month's birthday ($1500 roundtrip)
• I booked a trip to Disney and booked a hotel. Everything paid by me. Tickets, hotels, etc.
• Got her a cake to come exactly at 12am and wished her happy birthday
• I was dead tired, but gave her a massage, etc.
• Took her to a nice restaurant, didn't hesitate to spend money on food / experience.

Well... at the end of the trip, she said "where's my gift?"

and I was confused thinking the trip was the gift and so I said it's on the way.. give me some time to get it.

She is also upset at that I didn't wish her happy birthday before I left that night ( I did say it several times. When the clock turned 12am, throughout the day, I was just turned off at the end of the day.)

I understand she's probably tired from the whole day at Disney so I just apologized, but from her story about her ex, her ex left exactly the same way (after a birthday trip he planned and she gave a fit and wanted to leave early. Don't know too much detail here).

TLDR : My gf of 3 months seems to not appreciate anything I do. Should I just leave while it's early?

Update : Thank you guys so much. I thought it was some of that "Love Language" nonsense and maybe I was upset for something that can be fixed. I'm assured that she's in the wrong. I'll sleep on it, but will let her know how I feel. Either way, I think we're just different kinds of people. I value experience, she values material.

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Bf's [25M] parents [60s] desperately tries to convince me [23F] that they're wealthy? Apparently I'm not acting impressed enough and it's bothering them.

So this is a weird situation. Before anyone jumps to blame my bf, I want to point out that he's been on my side this entire time. I'M the one that wants to find a peaceful, friendly solution to this. I know people like to say "you have a bf problem, etc." but he's stood up to his parents multiple times now and I'm the one asking him to stop, because I want to smooth things over and build the relationship more.

Anyways, I've been with bf for 2 years and met his parents for the first time 6 months ago. My own family is fairly well-off, but my parents are very quiet about finances so I don't know any concrete numbers. Well, bf's family is like the exact opposite. They talk about money ALL THE TIME. How much this costs or that costs. They are always remarking about how much someone earns, how much they paid for this thing, how much they could get for something else.

Their home is nice, but quite a bit smaller than my parents. They have lots of nice things though, like luxury cars, expensive electronics, etc. But again, not really things I haven't seen before, but I can recognize when they're nice and I definitely say so. Well, when I visited they kept "hinting" at how much things cost. Like ohhh we just got a new tv omg it cost us almost 7k! Or we just landscaped our garden and it was almost 10k, etc etc you get the point. They like to put a number figure on literally everything and it makes me super uncomfortable because this is not something my family ever talks about.

When I talk about things I do with my family, bf's parents also like to ask about how much things "cost." Like I talked about our vacation to Japan a while back. Cue a ton of questions about where we stayed, how much, did we fly business or economy, did we eat in fancy restaurants or just normal ones? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Bf tries to shut his parents down every time but I feel bad because I don't think they mean anything bad. Then again, his mom once asked me how much my diamond necklace cost (it was an heirloom, so who knows) and how many I could buy a year based on my current salary. Weird shit like that.

I've talked to my bf about this and he's beyond embarrassed and wants to basically lock his parents in a box until they learn to behave. I eventually get it out of him that they think I'm great, except I'm apparently not "impressed" enough with their things. They think I'm snooty. Again beyond the weird questions and behavior his parents are actually very nice. I don't want to seem snooty, and I don't know how to act more "impressed" of them. I guess I'm not really, but should I just make more of an effort to make a better impression?

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Tl;dr: Bf's parents are obsessed with finding out how much I earn/my parents earn. They also like to point out the price tags of the things they own and I don't know how to respond. I find out from bf that they think I'm not "impressed" enough and that I'm snooty. I don't want this characterization. What can I do?

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How do I [25F] deal with my friend’s [29M] increasingly demanding girlfriend [25F]?

Hi everyone! I’ll try to keep it short. If you need more information I’m more than willing to give it.

I have a group of friends of about 8 people [24-35 M/F]. A couple years ago one of them met a girl and within a month they lived together. He seems to be happy with her but she has become increasingly difficult for us to deal with.

She seems very shy, introvert and awkward and not at all like she has fun when she’s hanging out with us. We’ve stopped coming to there place because we feel like an imposition when we’re there. But she keeps showing up at our meetings and keeps sighing loudly, looking the other way when you talk to her and sometimes she leaves the group to go sit on her own somwhere close to us. At first we thought she was just shy or had a difficult time in social situations. But after a couple of years it’s the same.. When she drinks she becomes really chatty, constantly interrups conversations, starts dancing wildly at inappropriate times. She also has a habit of latching onto me (verbally) and tries to keep me talking for hours.. in which she talks.. constantly..

Lately she started confronting us about not being good friend with her. Especially me and my boyfriend. She thinks we want to break them up and that we hate her. I don’t like her and I wish she’d leave me alone at parties, but I dont hate her and I’d want to break them up! Her boyfriend seems very happy with her, for some reason.. The last week things started getting out of hand. We were hanging out at one of our friends places. And she would Not leave me alone at a party and kept me talking for literally 4 hours!! She accused me of hating her, wanting to break her and her boyfriend up, guilt tripping me about things I said over a year ago, twisting those words, insulting me in the progres.

I am not a person who’s good in a conflict. I try to be nice, I try to be friendly, resolve things, explain myself.. but after 4 hours of trying to resolve this, telling her I would like it if we could hang out like normal people, not be (best)friends, but being oke with eachother.. she said she doesn’t trust me, that I never tried to help her and said I really need to make an effort in the future. Even though she doesn’t believe we can be friends.. I kinda flipped in my own subtle and friendly manner. I told her to stop talking, she didn’t, I got up and walked away.

Both our boyfriends were there and since they work together they have a lot of time to talk about it. My boyfriend is very upset with the situation.. as is her boyfriend.. but they both have no idea how to make her behaviour stop. Our friend does not seem to plan on leaving her anytime soon. So I’m afraid I’m stuck with her for a while.

How the fuck do I deal with this person? She is mean, manipulative, doesn’t respect boundaries and is hurtful. And she keeps.. showing.. up..!! I know I’m too nice.. but how do I deal with this? What do I say? It would help me to know what YOU would say in this situation, what words would you use?

a/*bolded TL;DR: my friends girlfriend is increasingly demanding and doesn’t leave me alone at get togethers. She harasses me about putting more effort into our friendship. How do I deal with this person!?

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My boyfriend [21M] dislikes animals. I [19F] live on an animal sanctuary. He's coming to my home for the first time..

So when my boyfriend and I met, we bonded over bringing his sister's puppy for walks. I quickly realised that he is more tolerant of his sister's dog than actually fond of her, which I don't mind because not everybody is an animal person!

On the contrary, my family and I absolutely adore animals. We work very closely (in our spare time) with an animal sanctuary owned by our friends, and we have a small sanctuary ourselves, basically in our house and on our land. We don't have a ton of animals at the moment - four of our animals are permanently here and our's. The rest are usually rescued abused animals, strays, starved animals and also wild animals that have broken legs/wings - those animals only stay as long as it takes for them to heal and then we let them go of course. My mum is in charge of all the broken bone animals because she understands how to set broken wings etc, and she works closely with our local vet.

So our home is a doggy, kitty, birdy, donkey (and as of last week, goaty) paradise - and I know my boyfriend will be freaking out internally when he comes to stay for the first time next weekend!! He's also going to freak because our bat nursery is just outside the window of the spare bedroom and some people can be afraid of bats. Agh I feel like this might end up being a bit of a nightmare.

Is there anything I can do that will help settle him and make him feel more at home with all these animals around? I've always been naturally drawn to people who are big into nature and animals, so I don't know how he'll take it?! He's a city guy at heart and I know he absolutely loves living in a busy area. I live outside the city in a woodland area. There's deer and frogs and rabbits all over our garden and land and I feel like he's going to absolutely hate it and I'm really worried. But I also think it's important he meet my parents properly! We've been dating for 8 months and he's only met them briefly, once, whereas I've met him family about twice or three times a week since we began dating! (I live in the city during the university year to make it easier).

I see how stressed out and pissed off he gets around one dog, so I feel like the weekend away will make him stressed times 100 ..

Tl;dr - how can I make my boyfriend, who dislikes animals, feel at home when he's surrounded by animals?!

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I'm [25F] finding myself crushing on a coworker, but I'm in a long-term relationship... Tips on how to get over stupid teenage crushes?

In short, my boyfriend [28M] and I have been together five years -we've been living together for about 6 months now. I know that it is normal/not strange to get crushes on people even when you're in love with your partner - those little, puppy-love-style crushes which affect you pretty much immediately, but don't have any substance. I'm used to them being on people that I don't have to see much, or can choose to not see at all (ie the cute barista at your local coffee place, or someone who works out at your gym), so it's easy to get rid of the crush - just avoid them for a while, and it goes away.

However, I've recently developed a crush on a co-worker, who is also in a long-term relationship, and I just really want to get over it, but it's hard when I have to see him and talk to him every day in my relatively small office. He's very attractive and sweet and intelligent, but we don't know each other very well.

Basically, I'm looking for tips on how to get over a crush when they're someone you have to see every day, because I'm sick of the guilt that comes with these empty crushes when I've got a boyfriend I love at home.

Tl;dr - Have a crush on a guy at work, but I'm also in a committed relationship. Tips on how to get over a silly crush?

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Am I in the wrong?

I (27 m) have been with a (23 f) for about 9 months. 7 months ago, she invited her ex be over while I was working my shift as a police officer. She had been drinking and was acting sketchy while I was on duty. When I got to her place, she was sitting with her female roommate. I could just tell something was up. When she fell asleep I checked her text messages. I saw that she had been texting her ex and she invited him over. The text messages were explicit, about how he wanted to do sexual things to her and she lead him on. She woke up and I called her out on it. Maybe it was wrong to go through her phone but I knew something was up and I didn’t think she had any plans to come clean. She went on about how she needed to have him over for “closure” to be able to move on in our relationship. Her roommate confirmed that after he arrived they only talked. I did have reasons to believe her roomie was telling the truth about that. However, the next day I told my gf that if she wanted to remain a couple she would have to cut ties and communication with this guy. She said that she didn’t want to lose me and she agrees. The following months gave no indication that there was anything else shady going on. She did keep him as a friend on Facebook though. I saw a couple times that she “liked” a post involving him. I’ve had a lot of trouble believing that this was the last of it. There are still pictures of them from when they were together on her Facebook. I just feel disrespected that the door is still open a crack with them. She originally said that they were just friends but that was apparently bs after that night. I know if I gave her another chance that I’m supposed to just trust her now. But I recently voiced my remaining concerns to her and it turned into a bad argument. Of course it turned into her saying that I don’t trust her. I don’t think she’s going to do anything to hurt me intentionally, but I’m still worried about it all. I explained this the best I could. I’m just looking for some advice on how to proceed.

TL;DR
Gf invited her ex over behind my back and I’m having trouble accepting it and moving forward.

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I (17 F) have a choice of leaving home school and going back to my old high school for senior year. I cannot decide what to choose.

I am a 17 year old outgoing, introvert. I used to go to a normal high school for my freshman and half of sophomore year but certain things happened. It started in the middle of sophomore year. Long story short: I had sex with a guy. Parents found out. I was sent to live in another state. Guy told everyone in my high school all the things that we did. All.

While I was in another state, I got so many messages asking about how him and I had sex and whatnot. I didn’t deny any of it.

After finishing my sophomore year in another state, I came back home and did homeschool for my junior year. My parents are now giving me the opportunity to go back to my high school for senior year. But I can’t decide which to do.

1. I’m a changed person, I’m actually not sure how I’d react to so many people in a school. I’m still outgoing but I just stay in my shell too most of the time. From sophomore year to now, I know I’ve grown so much quieter. But at the same time, it’s comfortable.

2. My boyfriend is not in high school and we have a lot of time to hang out during normal high school hours. (My home school just requires you to do your assignments).

I have a lot of pros for home school. But I don’t love it. I’m missing out on prom, having a social life (I really have 1 friend, not counting my boyfriend), I won’t graduate with people I know, I won’t be able to attend clubs (I love doing that), I won’t be able to go to homecoming, and have those highschool memories.

But, a lot of people know about the rumors and I’m just so self conscious about everyone knowing that. I really, really hate it so much.

I’m comfortable with where I’m at, I’m just sad I’m missing out and not having any friends (like I used to when I was in highschool) . Please don’t lecture me on why having sex was stupid and how my parents are right for sending me away, I’ve been told so many times. What should I do? Which would you choose? Am I thinking too much about it? Are those ‘years’ overrated?

TLDR: Had sex with a guy in highschool, parents put me in homeschool, rumors spread and I hate it so much. On the other hand, I want to go back and enjoy those years. I’m stuck on this decision.

EDIT: Homeschool: Highschool classes at home Highschool: Actual school to go to

EDIT #2: Parents sent me to homeschool because they’re over protective (fun fact: after my dad found out I wasn’t a virgin, he cried. I just find it funny ?). The people who run the actual high school don’t care at al. Also, there’s no other highschool to go to since I live a bit too far.

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I'm [29F] receiving vitriol from husband's [32M] family for choosing to hire nannies to raise our kids while we both work.

We have twin boys, 11 months, and I've recently returned to work after an extended maternity leave due to some health complications. Husband and I both have strong career aspirations and we never once thought about one of us staying at home. The plan was always to hire nannies to help where we can't.

Anyways, my decision to go back to work has been met with SO MUCH hatred from family on my husband's side. In-laws found out that we hired two nannies, one full and one part-time, and they absolutely lost it. My MIL called me unfit to be a mother and terrible names for choosing to leave my babies before the age of 1. I've tried to defend myself (hell, I was raised by nannies and I turned out okay and I have a strong relationship with my mom to boot) but it's pointless with her.

I'd be lying if I said none of this got to me. I do feel a lot of guilt, but I know I can't give up on my career and stay at home. I know myself well and I know I'd grow to resent both my kids and my husband eventually if I'm not allowed to pursue my own professional path. My career is so extremely important to me and I have big plans on where I want to end up. However, I feel like everyone I meet thinks I'm a selfish monster for valuing my job over staying home with my children.

Most recently, I attended my SIL's bday party and she announced that she was pregnant. It was a huge occasion and I was overjoyed for her, but halfway through she broke into a monologue about how she can't wait to be a mother and to raise her kid with a mother's touch, not by strangers. She said she's sure her baby will turn out exceptional because she plans on being _there_ (emphasis on there) and not just birthing them and passing them off like petstore puppies.

Needless to say, it was very obviously directed at me and everyone kept searching my face for my reaction. I felt like crying but held it back and faked a smile for the rest of the party. The hardest part is I have literally 0 friends in the same situation. All of my friends are either career-oriented and childless, or have children and stay at home/have low-stress jobs. At my present company there are less than 5 women at my current level, and all of them are childless or single.

My husband is trying so hard to be supportive and push back at his parents but I feel like he doesn't understand the particular struggles when you're a woman. I just wish I had people in my life who understood and could give me guidance. What should I do?

-------------------------------------------------

tldr: Husband's family resents us for choosing to hire nannies to raise our children instead of one of us staying home. I feel no one understands my perspective, and I'm being treated as a monster by most women. What can I do to cope?

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My(27f) boyfriend(28m) has gone MIA and seemingly blocked me on social media and maybe on his phone with no cause whatsoever. What do I do?

I’ve been dating an introvert for the last two months. We had a rough patch a week ago, during which we opened up fully with one another and really opened up about what we wanted in a relationship and what we felt about one another. We spoke last on Sunday night, and then as of tonight( Tuesday) I realize that he’s blocked me on Facebook, and maybe on his phone. Nothing at all gave me any idea as to why he would do this, after we just spent an amazing Wednesday- Sunday together. I EXPECTED him to want space and I’m fully in support of that, but blocking me on social media and on the phone goes so far beyond that, especially when we end every night on the phone together to say good night. It’s completely out of character for him. He’s always communicated before anytime he’s wanted some space or time to process things.

For goodness’ sake, he wants me to come visit him in Virginia for the whole of Memorial Day weekend. So what in the world is going on?

He’s planning to move from his small college town to begin an apprenticeship in my city. (coincidental to us beginning to date, I told him I didn’t want to be the primary reason he moved here and assured me I wasn’t) in July after his lease is up. He is going through a lot of changes that to me, he’s seemed excited about moving to a larger town and beginning a new phase of his life.

He’s admitted to being afraid of commitment before, which is what lead to us having a long, long talk about being open if he felt rushed or like things were too serious too quickly; we had this discussion Mother’s Day weekend, so barely a week before he came back to visit me and stay with me from Wednesday to Sunday.

This past weekend there wasn’t anything that gave me cause to ever expect this from him- ever. He’s so good at responding once he’s had time to think through what he wants to say, and I don’t think he’s ever blocked me before. I pampered him a bit this weekend before letting him take care of me Saturday evening after I moved my mom all day long while he hung out with friends in my local city. There was no precipitating fight, no behavior changes, so I’m both floored and worried about him.

I know this is a last ditch effort; but does anyone have any idea as to why this would occur? We’re 27/28, there’s no reason for him to break up with me by blocking me. I’m so lost and confused. I understand he’s an introvert and I’m the definition of an extrovert. However a lot of my friends are introverts and I understand the need for space and to recharge on their own a lot of the time before they want to engage again. I expected us to both have some distance for a few days, but when I went to post something funny on his Facebook and I couldn’t find him at all, I got worried. When my friends could find him, and my calls went straight to voicemail without the phone ringing once, I became confused. My larger issues;

What do I do now? If this is a normal reaction for an introvert when they need to recharge, how can I express best that this hurts me and feels pointed directly at me; I don’t know how else to take it but personally.

I want to point out, we’re not casually dating, he’s my boyfriend. I say that only to point out, I’ve been ghosted like we all have, and would laugh at this if it was someone casual.( maybe not immediately, but in a few weeks.) I have met his friends, he wanted me to come to the beach with them the first week of June. They’re my friends on Facebook now as well; He has ties to me other than just texting or going on one or two dates that should, I guess make it difficult to ghost someone(???) I don’t understand how this reaction could pop up after we just spoke about what happens when he feels rushed, and we’re both extremely open and honest about what we wanted. Thank you all in advance.

TL;DR- introvert boyfriend spent last weekend here, and haven’t heard from him for last two days. Have come to find I’m blocked on his Facebook and maybe on his phone. What do?

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My [45F] daughter [16F] was caught shoplifting and is now suffering consequences. I'm just here wondering when did things go wrong.

My daughter was caught shoplifting with one of her friends. She was stealing liquor and was caught by the security guard. She also resisted the arrest and was given 6 months probation, detention in school on Saturdays, was told to pay restitution and was ejected from the volley ball team. It is still unclear if she will lose a scholarship but it is possible.

She has a curfew and is not allowed to go out unless for the purposes of the penalties.

It's been one month and she's now behaving worse than she was before the incident. Talks back, throws stuff at her sister when they get into arguments, tries to get into fights with boys and girls who mention the whole thing, and other things.

She had been impulsive before but no signs of criminal behavior. She has been, for example, in fights in school, but all the time it's been clear that it was started by someone else and she reacted. Of course, her reactions were outrageous sometimes, others she was attacked first.

She still hasn't showed regret and just seems upset that she was caught.

I am just here sitting in my bed, wondering what happened? What went wrong? How did it get to this point? And, what are we supposed to do from now on?

tl;dr: Daughter was caught shoplifting with a friend. Has probation and was expelled from the volley ball team. I have no idea how things got to this point and wonder I should do from now on. Help?

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My (f29) boyfriend of two years (m30) told a coworker of his (f20s) about a sexual role play of ours

Throwaway because I'm embarrassed. English is not my first language.

Quite at the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend and I did a roleplay he came up with. This role play was thr first time he dominated me. It also involved a very small but plug, which served the purpose of getting me into the zone better, as in "As long as you wear this you do this and that". I had lots of fun and came a bunch of times, so I guess he's somehow proud about this?

Yesterday while we he was fixing his dinner my boyfriend casually told me that he told a coworker of his about it.

BF: Last night at work I told Jenny about the that roleplay of ours.

Me: Which roleplay?

BF: THAT roleplay.

ME: Aha. And what did she say about that.

BF: That ist sounds interesting but butt plugs weren't her thing. But I told her it's just to get into character, so it could be anything, like cat ears or a hair band or something. Then she seemed intrigued. Me: ... I don't need other people knowing about you putting stuff in my butt.

BF: Oh. Sorry.

Me: How did you come to talk about this anyway??

BF: I don't remember.

He went to work shortly after and I didn't think that much about it until this morning. He works as a bartender and his co-workers are mostly young people, so the workplace is more relaxed, especially with people working late evenings or at night. Still, how does one think it's appropriate to talk about stuff like that with a coworker?And even if she was more of a friend, I don't want other people to know things like this about me! I now wonder how many other people did he tell this?

The way he casually told me shows me that he just didn't think I would mind, so now that he knows I do I assume he won't tell anyone else, but he can't take that one back and I feel super embarrassed.

I have some problems understanding and expressing my own feelings. I'm not sure how to talk to him about this again and where to go from here.

TLDR: My boyfriend told a female coworker of his about that time he put a plug in my but and I liked it. I'm angry and embarrassed.

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I (19M) want to commit suicide

I want to commit suicide. I see I've gotten myself into a lot of shit and I am shit so I just want to die.

So a while ago I signed up for a volunteer position at my college. I forgot I signed up for this and didn't finish my tasks as I was asked to.

I told my parents what happened and they were angry. They said they had advised me to check the schedule and get started on that volunteer task but I never properly got started.

They called me out for being a jerk even though that wasn't my intention. I got angry (we were having lunch at a restaurant) and I started shouting and banging the table. They were extremely angry. Now I just want to die and kill myself. Everyone is angry at me anyway.

Tl;dr: I signed up for a volunteer event at college. I didn't check the list and thought they didn't need my help but it turns out they did list my help so now my professors are angry. I also signed up for other volunteer activities right now so I don't know if I have time to work on that one. My parents are angry that I didn't check it careful while it wasn't intentional and I was angry and started shouting at them and banging a table at a restaurant when this happens. Now I want to die as everyone hates me.

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I [28f] am pretty convinced I have “supernatural” experiences regularly. My fiancé [29m] who I’ve been with for 5 years makes fun of me for believing in what I feel I see and and experience.

So on my honor I swear this isn’t a troll job or some attempt to inflame a debate about ghosts and aliens. In fact I’m not even going to go into details about my experiences because it’s my fiancé’s reaction (and my reaction to his reaction) are what are important. I’m not even 100% convinced but if I were to put a statistic on it, I’d say 75% chance that the events I experience on a near weekly basis are real, physical, in this world experiences.

The issue is with my fiancé, who for the most part is a great guy. We have other issues of course but for the most part we do a great job of working things out. He’s very attentive, sweet, faithful and funny.

This is our “big one” that we can’t seem to find common ground on. For example I’ll have one of my encounters and they are truly terrifying (think a very intense nightmare that you can’t escape) and I will return and be screaming crying, covered in sweat and sometimes be so affected that I’ll throw up. At first my fiancé was very concerned for me but as we got deeper into the relationship and I felt comfortable saying it was more than nightmares, at first he was skeptical and that grew into very cruel derision. He’s explained to me that he feels at best I’m having intense dreams at worst my active imagination is running away from itself. Even worse than that is when he told me that “you’re gunning for attention because your dad was such a jerk” as if I’m still an overly dramatic teen with Trichotillomania. Whats even worse lately is he has starred using derisive “cartoonish” phrases like “did Maz Kanata show up we our bedside last night?” As I’m in a sweating, hyperventilating near panic attack.

I don’t care if he doesn’t believe me, most people won’t. But I care that he doesn’t respect me so there a very hard line to walk here.

My questions are these; how do I accept that my fiancé doesn’t accept a major facet of my life?

And: how do I get him to respect my reality and not be derisive?

tl;dr: I have regular supernatural expereinces and my fiancé doesn’t believe me. It’s fine if it were a respectful disagreement but he takes disbelief into derision and making fun of me. How do we resolve this?

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I (23f) noticed my fiance (24m) downvotes all my Reddit posts while I upvote his. (Serious)

My fiance has always been competitive and even argues about who gets to upload the funny thing to reddit.

I know this sounds funny but I'm serious.

Lately since I've introduced him to my main profile I've been noticing I'm getting one down vote when he "goes to bed".

Even my old 3 year old posts were getting a downvote.

I looked on his phone to browse reddit one day (I was trying to show him a meme I made) and looked up a post of my own to show him and I saw he was the one downvoting me.

It's nothing mean or anything I post on my main, and I mention him frequently in personal comments. I don't even have a personal connection with anyone on reddit.

I feel as though if he had enough time to go through 3 years of my posts and downvote them all, there is something weird going on?

And this is still actively happening. I made this post because my post on my main I just uploaded a minute ago was downvoted after he went to bed.

TL;DR: went on reddit with my finances phone and checked my profile to show him a meme I uploaded. Noticed he's been downvoting all of my 3 year old-present posts.

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My [30m] childhood best friend [30m] is an unsuccessful indie game developer who has lost touch with reality

So, lot to unpackage here.

I've been friends with Tom since we were kids. We met back in the first grade and were damn near inseparable until high school. Our lives followed relatively similar trajectories. We went to close-ish colleges, majored in something similar. Went off to grad school around the time for the same. Back then, we were always very much on the same wavelength. We had similar interests (games, tv, etc) and got along super well.

I guess the problem came about when my friend, who since childhood had dreams of becoming a game developer, published his first game on PC. He had worked on it for years, and I had admittedly not seen anything of it until release. Kept it very secretive. Well, upon release, it became apparent how bad the game was. Screenshots and items from the game became memes and it was widely mocked for a variety of reasons. To Tom's credit, he handled it mostly well - keeping his cool but taking criticism to heart. Though, he also was clearly defensive about a lot of it.

Since then - he has not relented in his game development and has released many more games - and to be frank, they have all been atrocious. To the point where YouTubers and game reviewers have featured his games as an example of terrible game making. He believes though, that his games are excellent and he's a great developer.

Over that time, he's pushed away anyone who's been critical of him, even those that have approached it in a caring manner. I've tried to be supportive, but he's truly gone off the deep end. He believes in conspiracies of game reviewers and trolls against him, and has became thoroughly unpleasant to be around. All he talks about is his game development. He quit his job a few years ago to focus on games full time, despite it not getting anywhere close to a living wage. He lives with his parents and believes that he's only a few steps away from being self supporting.

We've been friends for a long time and I've tried to help him get his life on track (offering suggestions and advice to go back to school etc) but he's been totally resistant. I want to help and support him, but truly, he's barely the same person I once knew. I've been gentle with my suggestions, knowing he pushes away people who criticize him harshly, but I'm at a real loss here. Do I walk away? What's left to do?

tl;dr My friend has lost touch with reality and has become a thoroughly unpleasant person due to his game development failures.

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