I cut my ex entirely out of my life a year ago. Even the year I spent with him, I knew he wasn’t good for me. But I was so in love with him. The connection we had when we talked, when we touched, the way I could tell him anything. It was his angry, jealous, paranoid side that destroyed me. He was manipulative and self centered and emotionally abusive. I thought if I was just good enough, we’d be okay. Somehow he always found a way to create fault in what I did, even in the most benign situations. He broke up with me, and I begged him to stay, and two weeks later I realized I was best without him and he’d never be who I needed him to be, and I cut off contact entirely.
A year later, my world is fantastic. I’ve got an incredible new job, a new apartment, a new life, a new me, and I did it on my own. I’ve furthered my hobbies more than I ever thought possible. I’m dating someone who I love deeply, who is so incredibly supportive and kind in a way I’ve never had, and he makes me feel so good about myself instead of always questioning me and tearing me down. I’ve never felt more confident and excited for the future.
And yet I miss my ex. All the time. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him. I have him blocked on social media. I haven’t called or texted. I know through mutual friends that his life isn’t going too well and he’s not seeing anyone, so even the awful petty part of me should be happy because I “won the breakup.” I should be 100% over him. So why aren’t I? And how can I get there? I just don’t want to think about him anymore. I don’t want to feel anything for him anymore.
TL;DR: I was with a guy for a year. He was not nice to me, and then he broke my heart. I cut off contact. A year later, I’m happy and successful and for some reason I still miss him all the time. I never stopped. Please help me figure out how to stop.
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