I apologize for the long text but I need some advice. It's not something major but it is something that has been bothering me for 3 years now, and because I am getting married in four weeks, I need some advice. My fiance is the most amazing man on the planet, he honestly is the guy one always wanted and he's about to be my husband, it's great! The thing is that his family are not what I'm used to, not to be rude but they are really dirty.
For some back story, ”Kevin” my fiance was raised on a farmish type house with his 4 older sisters and his parents. I have met his parents many times before and we try to visit them every year (they live 6 hours away from us). 2 out of his 4 sisters are married and live far away, and the other two moved out and also live far. We usually all visit the parents once or twice a year at the same for a sort of get together I guess.
I honestly don't want to be rude and talk and badly about his parents at all, but I need to be honest. His family is really kind but they are very extreme, and totally opposite from me. For example I was raised in a very clean home, always smelled decently good,and though not at all perfect it was very comfortable.
His parents are the opposite. They don't believe in using soap, they don't believe in vaccines or medicine (this one bothers the shit out of me) , they don't care about keeping things clean and safe, like not cutting fruit on a board that you JUST cut raw meat on! They hoard like crazy to the point where it's hard to even be comfortable in their home. They don't believe in using laundry detergent, cleaning floors etc. They believe cleaning with soap and other products is dangerous because of the chemicals and it's more natural to clean with only water. Same with showering.
They have a barn in the back that have animals inside for them to sell, but they hardly take care of them, animal poop just piles up and when we visit, they want us to help clean the poop that has piled up in the barn since the last time we came. Which I'm assuming isn't good for the animals. Just because they live outside doesn't mean you don't care for their homes. Also they walk manure-covered boots inside their home with out a care, manure all under their nails, and then they proceed to make dinner, which I avoid eating because of the whole not washing hands thing, usually I wake up late so I don't have to eat breakfast. His mom uses her hands for almost everything when making dinner. They even tell us not to take any medicine, even when we need too because it's not natural. Guys I am going crazy. I know we only see them twice a year and I don’t live there but doing this every year for 3 years has made me not want to come back. I'm at my last straw. The hard thing is that they are really nice people and really like me and I do like them, I just don't like the way they live.
The only good thing for me is that Kevin and I are staying in his old room, which is one of the cleanest in the home so that is the only comfortable place I can enjoy myself in. Usually I try and spend time with them in their home to not be rude, but then there's hardly any room to sit and relax because of ALL THE STUFF, so I make and exuse and ”retire to bed”.
Funny thing is Kevin and is siblings are total opposites from his parents . They are all super clean people. The problem is that Kevin is used to how is parents live, he gone through it his whole life, his stomach and body are made of steel I guess and he puts up with it. I love him but I don’t want to come back to his parents house again after this year. I told him this and he said he gets it, but tells me to put up with it because I’m about to be apart of his family, and we are partners so we should be going together.
He's really upset because of me not wanting to come back. I don’t want to strain our relationship over this. To be honest though I’m also thinking about our future babies. I can’t bring them into a house like this, especially for their safety, maybe when they are older but not as babies. It's good to build up babies immune systems but not this way. My fiancé thinks I’m being snobbish feeling this way, Am I over reacting?
TL;DR My fiance’s parents are extremely dirty, they don't believe in vaccines, medicine, soap, separating raw meat from fruit, and after cleaning the barn they proceed to cook dinner without washing their hands. It's driving me crazy every time we visit them, (which is a 6 hour drive.)I like them and they like me, but I can't enjoy myself because of the dirt and lack of hygiene. My fiancè is the total opposite from his parents (thank god!), but his is still mad at me and thinks I'm a snob for not wanting to come back. Should I just put up with it? Am I being a snob?
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