I (F29) am having a major problem with my boyfriend (M25) and I’m not sure what to do. We have only been together 4 months, and known each other for a few months longer than that but so far everything has been perfect. He is incredibly nice and sweet, we hang out almost every day, my friends love him, my family has already met him and love him. I’ve met his family already and they seem to really like me too, and even though everything was moving fairly faster than I’m used to in a relationship (meeting friends and family, I love you’s, etc) it really did seem to be so perfect.
Before we ever had sex I asked about STI’s, I test before every relationship and my health is important to me. He assured me several times that he was clean and that I had no reason to worry. I’m on the pill and after our talk I assumed we were safe to have unprotected sex, which we have been throughout our relationship. Two weeks ago I was going down on him and felt a bump. I mentioned it and he began to shake and cry and then admitted that it was HPV (genital warts) and that he had just noticed it a week prior and had gone to the doctor to have the warts frozen off, and that he had wanted to wait on further test results to tell me. He was so upset that I ended up feeling bad for him and telling him it was all okay and that I wasn’t mad, but then the more I thought about it over the past two weeks the angrier I became that he had known for a week and not told me. I asked last night to see his lab results from his doctor and all medical records. He claimed that he had only ever gone that one time but when I insisted on seeing them and having him pull them up in front of me he cried again and showed me and it turns out that he has had this problem since before we had even met. He was literally having warts frozen off ten days after we first had sex. I don’t know how I didn’t notice, we usually have sex with the lights off (his thing, which now is making more and more sense to me) but still. I have the HPV vaccine but that only covers a few strains and there is no guarantee that I’m protected against his particular strain, and even still it’s not as if he knew that I was vaccinated (it never came up in conversation).
I’m devastated. Everything had been so perfect and to find out that he lied in such a major way has just shown me such an ugly side to him that I don’t know what to do. I would have been ok with the STI if we had talked about it, but to lie to me and to knowingly put my health at risk is so immoral and even illegal in my state (misdemeanor). I made him text every partner he had before me in the past year and tell them about his STI, which he did in front of me. I broke up with him and he has cried and begged me to forgive him. He keeps saying that he saw a real future with me and thought that we could be together forever, that I'm his soulmate, etc.mTo be honest I really do want to forgive him but I’m so hurt and I don’t know if I can move past it. Things were so perfect before – should I try to give him another chance? How can you rebuild trust in a situation like this?
TL;DR: my amazing boyfriend lied to me about having genital warts. He told me at the start of our relationship that he did not have an STI but he was actually been getting treatments for his warts since before we met. He has otherwise been so amazing that I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him but who lies like that??
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