I have been with my wife for about a year and a half. Some pretext is that I was most recently in a two-year relationship. The woman I was with was a huge weed smoker, morning, noon and night, and it got to the point where I just can't stand it anymore. My last relationship soured me to weed, which I was never a huge fan of anyways.
Enter my wife: she basically chased me as I was enjoying singledom and staying away from women. I finally caved and what do you know, the first thing she wanted to do was smoke weed. Unfortunately, I liked her a lot so I caved. I did make a clear point on our first date, however, that I don't ever want to be with another pothead. She insisted that she only does it casually, at night, a couple of times a week.
At the start of our relationship, her weed smoking was just that. We even made a trip to Colorado and smoked weed like once during a three day weekend, in a state with recreational marijuana. I was fine with this kind of smoking! After about 4 or 5 months, however, she began smoking more, getting more high than usual and smoking in the middle of the morning/day on the weekends.
I brought these concerns to her and she basically revolted. We argued about it a bit, she said I was controlling or overreacting, but then she just said that she would quit smoking altogether. I came to find out, however, a couple of months later, that the ounce of weed we had in the closet was all smoked up during this period of "abstinence."
This led to more fighting, more times of her smoking and lying about it and getting caught, and more frustration. The more I get hurt that she lies about it and the more I complain to her, the more she smokes.
In our most recent fight, she "quit" again, and even left all her weed stuff in a corner of the room so I could "see that she wasn't using it," only to find out she had a whole new weed pen thing she kept in her purse and was using in secret for a few weeks.
She got a prescription for xanax and adderall "because she quit smoking and needed help" only now she's taking that, and smoking too. And I don't think she used to need to smoke for anxiety because she only ever did it for fun.
She was married for 8 years to a guy who I guess was a control freak, so I feel like that is the biggest obstacle to overcome here. I was very clear from the offset what I was ok with, and it started off fine. It seems like any time I have a single issue with what she does, however, she has to take it to the max the other way.
We are going to couples counseling about this, but are my hopes and expectations even realistic? She said she would have never dated me to begin with if she knew I disliked weed that much :/
TL;DR: my wife has been smoking more and more weed and the more I voice my displeasure the more she does it and lies about it.
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