Ok, so backstory. My parents divorced when I was 7. They didn't really speak after that but since my brothers and I are now grown they will say hello to each other and small talk about their grandchildren if we are at family events. After the divorce my dad went MIA for a while and due to this my brothers and I have a lot of unresolved issues that no one ever brings up. We all still spend time with him and take our kids over to spend time (but our kids are not that comfortable around them) Also, my dad remarried when I was maybe 13? And my mom is technically single but has a "friend" that my brothers and I see as more of a father figure (we call him first for money problems, car problems, advice, etc.)
So that's a little backstory, if there are any other family dynamics I'm missing please ask.
Now to my problem. I had a son last year who will be one in June. My husband and I currently live with my mom as we are saving to buy a house and hope to be out by the end of the year. Since my son will only be turning 1, we didn't want to do anything big and thought we would just have a small party at the house. It's free, there will be a/c and my son is comfortable there of course.
So I told my dad the plans and he immediately told me "When your parents are divorced and they each have significant others it is proper etiquette to have events at a neutral location." A part of me knew this would happen as he did the same to my brother a few years back and they ended up having his son's party at Chuck E. Cheese. I don't know if I should give in though.
When I told him it would cost to have it anywhere else he said that's what grandparents are for. So to appease him I looked for other places and saw that I only had two options. I could rent a room in a venue or a pavilion in a park. The problem with that is we planned to have some water activities for the kids in the backyard and people could go inside to the a/c if they wanted. With these options I can only have one or the other. I refuse to have a party at a place like Chuck E. Cheese or any other kid places because my son is one, he will not remember, and it will cost too much.
What's weird to me about this is my dad has been in my mom's house before and his wife has been there by herself before. So I'm not really seeing the issue. Also, it makes me angry that even if there was a problem that he can't put it aside for a few hours for his grandchild. He can sit on the screened in porch and not even have to come in the house if he doesn't want to.
I should note that no one but him has a problem with him coming. I'm very tempted to say whatever he just won't come and have the party the way I want.
Reddit, please help me. Am I being crazy? Unreasonable? Should I change the location? Are there any other locations I should consider? I really need an outside opinion.
TL;DR Parents divorced. Having son's party at my mom's house. Dad wants me to change the location.
Edit: I should clarify that he never full out said he would pay the full price. Just said "that's what grandparents are for to help you out with the costs" so I assumed he meant he would pay a portion. But I would only move if he will pay the full amount. I'll clarify with him later today.
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