tl;dr friend of my boyfriend and I is showing signs of poor mental health and loneliness and I am wondering what, if anything, I can do to help/reach out.
Me (24/F) and my boyfriend (25/M) have been together for 2 and a bit years and we are very happy. My boyfriend introduced me to his friend we will call Oliver (26/M) a couple years ago. The two of them used to work together and now the three of us are all good friends. We all hangout for dinners, play on coed sports teams, grab beers, etc.
Oliver is very smart, works in engineering, has a strong family background, likes to be outdoorsy and is very active. He is also very handsome, super thoughtful and just an all around nice guy. For example, for my birthday last year, he gave me two very beautiful hand made mugs from a local store in our city. Oliver does travel often enough for work (he is gone anywhere from 3 days to a couple weeks every few months), but he always offers to get me something from wherever he is to support local businesses.
Basically, I have noticed that Oliver seems to be getting more and more down.... Whenever we hang out, he appears to be out of it and in his own head, plus some of his usual spark is missing. An example is that we had our usual group of friends (about 10 people total) at our house for a bonfire and Oliver was there. Another female friend and her boyfriend invited everyone over to their new apartment for drinks and games the next Saturday and everyone, including Oliver, confirmed their interest and attendance. Saturday came and Oliver didn't show up. I texted him asking if he was okay and he replied that he had no memory of making those plans or being invited.... Normally, Oliver is very committed (always shows up to games or practices for our sports teams), but lately his memory has been poor.
A couple months ago, Oliver and my boyfriend went to play racquetball together and my boyfriend came home saying that Oliver had been super weird the entire time. Oliver had confided to my boyfriend that he was feeling odd and that he had a sort of "brain fog" that was distracting him from his day to day activities.
Oliver has had some struggles lately. His mom was sick for a while, although she is better now, and I know Oliver has trouble with women. I think he wants a girlfriend. He is almost 27 and I do not think he has dated anyone seriously for many years. Oliver confided in me recently that he feels "behind" in his social life sometimes...
Last May, I did introduce him to a friend of mine and I know they went on a couple dates, but he told me that between her not texting him back quickly (I know she is very guilty of this) and his travelling a lot last summer, it fizzled out.
Basically, I love Oliver. He is an amazing person and my boyfriend and I agree that he will be in our lives for many years to come. But I am worried, and my boyfriend agrees. I wonder if Oliver is suffering from depression or struggling with his mental health. I try to reach out to him to ask how he is doing and he always texts me back very long messages that are filled with his normal Oliver jokes and stories and he seems like himself again. And then he will completely forget about plans he agreed to and he will seem distant in person.
Anyway, I'm asking if anyone has any ideas what I can do to help Oliver. I think he is a stellar human being and I really want him to feel better.
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