Hi all, trying to summarize this in the most concise way manner but I [22F] was in a relationship with my BF [22M] for almost 14 months before he broke up because of stress in his life. To summarize:
- He's balancing school, work, family, friends, and a president position in a school organization where he is leading a team of 6 executives which adds a lot of pressure and stress on him
- Feels like he's drifting from his highschool friends/friends outside of the school organization
- Feels like he's letting down his family by not being home enough (always at school doing work for the organization or in class/studying)
- Feels inadequate compared to the rest of his older cousins and younger brother (19) who seem "more accomplished" than him (e.g. better grades, stable jobs)
- Typically a happy-go-lucky guy who takes life as it comes but with the added responsibility of his executive position and pressure from family and friends, he feels that he has to grow up and be responsible without knowing where he really wants to go in life
- Said that he wants to go and "discover himself" by traveling after he graduates
- Plan was to enroll in graduate school after completing his undergrad this year but is unsure if he wants to do that
Our relationship has had its stresses due to him having to balance these different priorities while still making time for me. In the past two months, we were spending around 2-3 times a week together. Although I would have preferred to spend more time with him (3-4 times a week), I was also understanding of his situation and was trying my best to be supportive of him as I have previously been involved in this school organization and understand how time consuming it can be.
Almost two weeks ago, he broke up with me and gave me the following reasons:
- was feeling suffocated by my support, said I have a tendency to try and do too much for him when all he needed was someone to listen
- he still needs to figure himself out as an individual and felt like he couldn't make decisions for himself because he was always thinking about what I would think about it/how I would feel
- feels like he's letting everyone down and wants to work on repairing those relationships
- said he doesn't love himself and doesn't understand how I could love him or want to be with him
- admitted that he failed to communicate all of the above to me when he should have and let it all bottle up
We talked a week after the breakup and he apologized for having to break up with me but said that I could always reach out to him or talk to him if I needed to. He said he still loved me but he can't be in a romantic relationship because he can't deal with the guilt of not giving me 100%. I let him know that I would be going NC as it wasn't fair that he had the expectation that he could break up with me and still maintain a friendship while I had these feelings. He was pretty choked up at this. I have not spoken to him since then.
I am just looking for some perspective from people who have gone through this situation before. Either you have been the one being dumped or the dumper, it would be great to hear how you dealt with this situation and how it turned out.
I am still dealing with a number of emotions with this but to sum it up:
- feeling angry because he claims to love me and made promises to keep me as a priority in his life but gave up on the relationship
- sad because I feel like we had a great relationship and we were good together, it's hard to let go of something that you felt was an end-game
- confused because I felt like we were stronger than ever in the 3 weeks leading up to the breakup - he was making more of an effort to spend time with me, inviting me to hang out with his friends/family, was texting me more, etc. and then then it ends all of a sudden
TL;DR: Those of you that have broken up with someone or been broken up with because you/they needed to "find themselves" or because they couldn't be in a romantic relationship, how did you come to terms with this? What was the situation like? Did you end up talking afterwards?
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