Husband ("H.") and I have been planning this vacation to a major city ("City") overseas for years. City was on the top of the travel-to list for us before we got pregnant with our 4-year old son ("S."). We've been wanting to travel to City for well over five years and finally felt that our son was old enough to travel without fussing or holding us back too much. Plans to stay there for nearly two weeks so we have time to appreciate the city.
About a month ago our neighbor ("N.") -- who is a little socially awkward and lives alone -- became a part of these plans too. Long story which I won't get into here. The important thing is that the vacation plans to City now include H., S., N., and myself.
The drama started with the Airbnb rental. We changed from a two bedroom rental to a three bedroom rental to accommodate N. We suggested splitting the bill for the upgraded room three ways: three bedrooms and three adults, so each adult is responsible for one-third of the cost. N. would only have paid one-third. Not good enough for N. He insisted that since he was going to be around and could help clean and look after S. that he shouldn't pay anything. (As an aside, we are planning to fully look after S. without N.'s help, and N.'s help was never a condition or term of his tagging along.) We countered by offering that N. could pay only 1/6th of the total Airbnb cost, which he only reluctantly agreed to pay when my H. threatened to downgrade the rental to make it affordable for us. That whole debacle should have been a red flag but we went forward with the planning anyway.
Next came the flight. We bought our tickets months ago on a comfortable major airline with nice international flight amenities. However, N.'s buying a plane ticket for the same flight would have cost N. a lot of extra money because it was so close to the date. We suggested that he could just take a more affordable flight and arrive a day or two later but he insisted on everyone traveling on the same flight. So we cancelled our own family's plane tickets, ate the cancellation fees, and rebooked with a budget airline that arrived a whole day later (with a layover) than originally planned. The whole thing was annoying not only due to the money, inconvenience, and rudeness, but also because the budget airline didn't have TV entertainment or electric outlets to keep S. entertained for the flight.
We've been in vacation City for about a week now and this is where things get really out of control. I can't really organize this into a coherent structure so I'm just going to wall of text everything. First, N. is a total slob and refuses to clean after himself so either we have to clean up after him or tolerate dirty dishes and such laying around. We've asked him to help keep things clean but he keeps blaming S. even though we know 100% it is N.'s mess. Second, N. really likes museums and keeps insisting that we go to them. It's the reason N. wanted to go to City in the first place. However, H. and I like to visit restaurants, parks, pubs, and such when we travel and take in the real local culture. I suggested that N. could go to museums on his own during the day but he rejected that suggestion so we've been stuck going with him everywhere. We have had two afternoons of doing what H. and I want, but I hate having to find consensus with N. on everything. It's very exhausting. Third, H. and I have a dietary restriction that N. does not have, and N. keeps insisting on going to restaurants that serve food without said restriction. The really annoying thing about this is that N. could eat our food, but just insists on going to restaurants with both options even though in practice that does not leave H., S., and I with many options on the menu. Fourth, H. is really mad at me for the circumstances surrounding my allowing N. to join us on the trip so we keep fighting in private. H. keeps asking me to stand my ground about things like restaurants, museums, and money, and getting frustrated when N. forces me to find consensus on those issues.
I don't have any control over N. and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. We have one more week left of this. I feel like the vacation is ruined so far and I can't imagine the rest of this week going any better. What do I do? Is this hopeless?
TLDR: Our neighbor tagged along on a family vacation. He is incredibly overbearing and oblivious, and is just ruining the vacation for everyone.
Edit: Since everyone keeps asking about how N. got invited to this trip in the first place... Last month I picked S. up from pre-school. N. was outside taking advantage of the nice weather to do some yard work. Usually I try to avoid him because he doesn't pick up on social cues, but he ambushed us with some hellos and small talk on our way into the house. I mentioned that we were going on this vacation to City in a few weeks and asked him to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity around the house. N. started talking about how he always wanted to go to City. This led my sweet and naive S. to invite N. along on the trip. For reasons beyond me, N. took the invitation seriously. When I tried to demur and said I'd need to talk to H. about it, S. insisted that we're supposed to share, which is a lesson we'd been emphasizing a lot with S. at the time. So I caved on the spot and agreed that N. could go on the trip with us. That decision led to an argument with Husband, who eventually agreed that I didn't have to rescind the invitation, but keeps throwing the decision back in my face every time something goes wrong this week. I definitely have my regrets about it so no need to beat me up over it.
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