My best friend and I have been living together for almost two years now and it has not always been easy but we’ve always managed to communicate and deal with our issues. Living together we became a lot closer and started sharing a lot of the chores around the house like dishes, groceries and taking care of her dog. We share all our food and split every expense in half (even her dog’s food). This was not an issue for me, it made me feel like I was part of a small family and it makes me happy to provide for both and vice versa.
However, recently as she was finishing her undergrad, she was dealing with a lot of anxiety issues and had a lot of difficulty doing things around the house. She was never tidy, always kind of lazy and I was usually the more proactive cleaning type. I really had to step it up with her anxiety and it really took a toll on me after a while.
That’s not the issue, we talked and I let her know that I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t do all her chores, work the hours that I was working and listen to her rant about her life over and over. It became a lot of work and I wasn’t enjoying our relationship anymore. She said she was “trying”, and honestly I gave her the benefit of the doubt and believed things would get better with time. They didn’t, and we talked again. This time I was more insistent on the fact that I wasn’t enjoying our relationship anymore.
That is not what my post is about though. I’ve been noticing little things are getting done here and there. Dishes put into place, her being more proactive and being more grateful for the things I do for her. It’s not much, but I’m honestly very grateful for her efforts.
I’m the kind of guy who shows appreciation when it’s deserved. I’m not sure how to do that this time though. I mean don’t get me wrong but she is just doing her own chores, and she’s not really doing extra although it is an improvement.
So how do I let her know that I’m grateful for the little things she’s doing, but still need to her to do more? I’m afraid of saying anything that might make her feel like “she’s not trying hard enough.”
Sorry for the long post
TL;DR- My best friend/roommate has improved with chores around the house, but I still need her to keep improving and do more. I want to show her I’m grateful for what she does, but that the chores are still unfairly divided.
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