Hi
I am 25 and the oldest of 4 kids. The youngest will be a junior in high school next year.
My parents are a lesbian couple. They have been together 30 years. All 4 of us kids were produced via one of the moms (who we will call mom 1) and a sperm donor.
Mom1 works and Mom2 is stay at home and hasn't worked since baby #2 came along. We have a large property so she takes care of it as well as us kids. Well, no one is really a kid anymore but yeah. The two youngest siblings still live at home, the older two including me live out of state.
I always thought they had a really strong relationship.
A few years ago Mom1 decided to go back to school for her PhD (already has her MD). Her PhD requires an additional rotations in its final years.
The area we live has a longish commute to Mom1's work, about 1.5 hours one way. That has been the case for 8+ years and she always came home every night. Her school is by her work.
However the past few months she has been living at home only part time. She is apparently staying with a "Friend" from her PhD program (also 50s, female) who has an apartment right by Mom1's workplace. Logically it makes sense because with her evening classes and weekend rotations, she would be out of the house 6 am to 10 pm like 6 days of the week in order to come home every night. But at the same time, I can't imagine being cool with only seeing my husband one day of the week (I got married last winter). But maybe it's different if you've been together 30 years?? Idk... also it seems weird to me for any friend to do such a huge favor as letting someone stay with them 6 days out of the week for 6+ months so far, free of charge. It's not like my mom has fallen on hard times and needs help, she's a doctor ffs. She could rent a studio by her work if she really wanted to.
Side note, my parents have a few close female friends who they hang out with both separately and together, so I do feel like it's not on it's own as much of a red flag like it would be if a husband was crashing at a female coworkers house, but just the length of it and my moms attitude about it...
I guess I don't have any real evidence it's just a bad feeling I have. I love both my moms but I would say I am more protective of Mom2 because she is more shy and reclusive. And though she didn't give birth to us she devoted her entire life to raising us. Every time we chat and she mentions mom1 not being home, she doesn't sound upset or anything, and just says "oh, mom1 is so busy!" Doesn't sound upset or bothered but idk. But I also think she would never ever get suspicious of mom1 even if there was hard evidence. She would assume there was a reasonable explanation.
When I talk to mom1 she always sounds very cheerful. She does not ever mention missing being home with the family. I made a comment yesterday about how it was extremely nice of her friend to let her stay there for that long and my mom kind of laughed before agreeing which I thought was a weird response.
I am wondering if I need to just stay out of it or if it is okay for me to bring it up to one or both of my moms. If so, please someone tell me how to ask a parent such a thing. Or feel free to tell me if you think I'm just paranoid. For the record I do not WANT to stay out of it. If something is going on I want to be able to chastise mom1 and make sure she knows how disappointed I am in her.
tl;dr growing suspicion that my mom, who is gay, may be having an affair with a friend she has been crashing with to avoid a long commute
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