My husband [26m] and I [26f] have been married 4 years, together for 8, and have known each other for even longer. I feel like I can't rely on him as a partner for the rest of my life.
When we first started dating, he was working hard to make enough money to put himself through college without loans. He was motivated and driven. He picked his major based on what would pay the most and have a large job market but it turns out that he hates it. Every job he's had post-graduation has made him miserable, but I'm not sure if it's the work or culture.
My husband has always had trouble with authority. He doesn't like being told what to do, especially when he disagrees with whatever is being asked of him. In the corporate world, the people above you ask you to do things and meet certain expectations. He tends to speak his mind when he disagrees, which causes conflict at work. In my opinion it's important to know when to hold your tongue, but he says I'm just a sheep. He also has a problem with sleeping in and missing work. He got fired from his last job, though he laughed about it. He told me he thinks it's because he told them what he thinks could be improved, but they fired him for misconduct.
He has been out of work for 6 months. Financially we are okay, but I'm starting to feel it. I told him I need him to show me he is motivated and cares about his work, but he says I have unreasonable expectations because he will never be like me.
When he lost his job, he told me he was looking for work, but did not start looking until 2 or 3 months later. I had to break down about him lying in order to find out he decided he just needed a break and planned to start looking after two months. Whenever I would bring it up, he would get angry and tell me he was looking and didn't need nagged. He has told me white lies a few other times as well when he thinks he can get away with it and it'll get me off of his back. On the bright side, he's looking now, but I think he sleeps, surfs the internet, and plays games most of the day -- though he will disagree.
A few months ago I told him that I expect him to clean the house and cook dinner. He has cooked a handful of times and only cleans when his friends come over every other weekend. He says he doesn't need to cook that much because we didn't much when we were both working.
He also has trouble communicating. He doesn't like to think or talk about feelings, and doesn't believe in saying sorry, because it means nothing. He also has a temper he has been improving, but every few months he will get angry at his video games and scream and hit or throw things. Never at me, but it's still scary.
I'm aware that everyone has flaws that come up when you're in a long term relationship. I have been trying to be supportive. I've encouraged him to look for a different type of work that might make him happier, but he doesn't think anything viable will. I'm running out of emotional support and no longer respect him. I feel like I can't rely on him for anything. He says he's not depressed and though I have threatened divorce and asked him to book counseling appointments while I'm at work, he has not. I'm just not sure what I'm getting out of this anymore.
When is it okay to say I've had enough?
Tl;dr: I can't rely on my husband to hold down a job, take care of the house, provide emotional support, or tell me the truth about small things. I'm at my wits end but feel like I'm supposed to be supportive of him until (if) things get better.
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