In the past my boyfriend of 1+ year has made some comments about me that have irreparably shaken my confidence in our relationship. Once when I opened up to him about how insecure I feel about my looks, he said something like, "So what? You aren't the most attractive woman. I'm not the most attractive man. But you're still attracted to me, right? And I'm still attracted to you." It was, I think, a really dumbass attempt to cheer me up that backfired completely. I told him it made me feel like shit and he apologized profusely, but I've never been able to get it out of my head.
A similar remark followed a few months later, only this time we were talking about the futility of comparing yourself to others: "You aren't the smartest or the funniest or the most attractive person I've ever met. Neither am I! But it doesn't matter. You'll make yourself miserable if you're always judging yourself against other people." Once again, he insists the sentiment was well-intentioned and it just came out the wrong way, but I maintain that there's no right way for a comment like that to come out at all.
I'm also not sold on the reasons he says he loves me. He tells me I'm kind and I make him feel loved, which, great. I'm glad. But those things are supposed to come standard in a healthy relationship. They say nothing about why he values me specifically. It saddens me that he doesn't seem to admire the qualities that I like in myself, or that my friends like in me. "You don't treat me like crap like my exes did" is just such a dismally low hurdle to clear.
In the day to day, he treats me kindly and respectfully. He enthusiastically praises my body whenever I change clothes in front of him and tells me I look beautiful when I get dressed up. He buys me little gifts for no reason. He asks me questions about myself and remembers the answers, and he remembers my preferences. He makes an effort to get to know my friends and to introduce me to his. But all the same those two comments are always at the back of my mind, and I wonder whether he's just going through the motions because being with me is better than nothing.
I've talked to him about this multiple times and he always assures me that he loves me and wants to be with me, but I can't make myself believe him. I'm at the point where I'm debating breaking up with him just so I don't have to constantly doubt myself and feel like insecure crap anymore.
What do?
tl;dr: My boyfriend (accidentally, allegedly) insulted my appearance, intelligence, and sense of humor and cites really lame, vague reasons for loving me. I don't think I believe him.
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