Little back story, we've been together for about 5 months, long distance for the most part, and we're coping pretty good. Both incredibly glad to have found each other and do get along immensely well at the best of times and we're able to talk things through at the worst. My lady has had a rough two years since she ended her first long-term (6yr) relationship and spent the subsequent time focusing on work, with plenty of partying, dating, and "having fun" while she's still able to. Myself I've only had 4 relationships, longest lasting barely a year, last one having ended about 3 months before we met, so relatively inexperienced and really seeking some advice on whether I am being unreasonable and what I can do to make this work in my head.
Likely because of the fact we're so similar we tend to make (mostly always correct) assumptions about each other, but when our thoughts/feelings don't align it's generally a pretty big moment and requires a fair amount of effort just to understand and be able to accept how the other feels. Our biggest difference is probably centered around sex and promiscuity - she's a city girl, has had 30+ male partners, has been through accidental pregnancy, abuse, and generally doesn't think much about going out there to get her rocks off when required. We're both non-religious but you can call me a bit more old fashioned. I think sex is something that should generally be reserved for people we love, I've not slept with someone outside of a relationship (not that I am against it - but I've no interest or attraction to this and have never seeked it out) I believe it's not really worth the risks for few moments of fun, albeit they can be mitigated, and it's probably worth mentioning I have trust issues due to a previous betrayal by somebody who coulnd't help herself and cheated on me - so herein I think lies the reason I feel uncomfortable that my girlfriend wants to get surgery to be sterilized, so that she does not need to worry about pregnancy.
To me, this is like removing your spine because you have back pain. Granted, I do have an old fashioned romantic's view on life, I think the ability to birth a child is a beautiful and powerful thing whereas she thinks it's disgusting, scary, painful, and (yes we both agree) the world would probably be better off with less rather than more humans. Unfortunately she's had problems with hormonal contraception and cannot stand experiencing the standard (albeit extreme - I've witnessed) side effects of birth control pills/patches, coupled with her happy-go-lucky attitude that she "doesn't want to worry about pregnancy for the next 5 years and then we can worry about it" - apparently if the time comes, we can go "in vitro" which is supposedly still possible albeit more complicated after sterilization? To me this raises red flags, we've talked and I've expressed my discomfort, it just doesn't feel right to me or seem like a smart thing to do at our age! She's told me I'm the only person she's considered having a child with yet here she is suggesting a permanent "fix" to end any chance of natural conception.
I can't get over this, does anybody have any advice on what to do? Am I wrong here? I'm not going to force her to do anything but I feel like if she follows through, this will forever affect our relationship, and am unsure if I can live with it.
Also, does anyone else have experience with alternatives to pills/patches which they can recommend due to hormonal sensitivity? It's my understanding both have relatively high levels of hormones so I have suggested at least looking in to all other options before pursuing a permanent one.
TL;DR Girlfriend wants permanent birth control at 28 years old but I'm unsure I can deal with this. I need advice.
Thanks in advance
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