My ex and I had to do a LDR after 5 months of dating because she got a job in another state. The flights weren't too expensive, and we made it a goal to see each other at least 1-2 times a month. Things were amazing, her family loved me, my family adored her, and in October after about 1 year of dating, she told me she wanted to marry me. It was a very serious conversation and it felt so right. We agreed to wait until I was done with school and she was done with her big internships and we'd go from there.
One thing about my ex that really bugged me was that because she was so busy and always on the go (studying abroad, internships around the country, etc), she had to make time with everyone and I MEAN EVERYONE. It started to get to the point where alone time with her was hard because we always had to split our time with other people, which was ok, I understood that part. However, when she would invite me to tag along to family/friend events she would just brush me off. Idk how to explain it, but it was almost as if she knew I'd always be there so it didn't matter if she didn’t spend too much time with me.
In January her sister and I had planned to go see her. I hadn’t seen in her in a good 3 weeks and we hadn’t been intimate for some time. I was missing her immensely both emotionally and physically. I was somewhat upset during this weekend visit because I ended up 3rd wheeling the entire time. It was just her and her sister, her roommates even made fun of me for it. Family always comes first I get that, but I wanted some attention, affection, anything that made it seem like she cared.
The last night there we had drinks and I got pretty drunk. My GF and I were sleeping in the living room and her sister was sleeping in her bedroom. Because of this, my GF had refused to be intimate because, A) we were in her living room on an air bed, and B) She didn’t want to risk anyone hearing us.
I hadn’t seen her in almost a month, hadn’t had sex in over a month, and was getting ignored/ pushed to the side the entire trip. Needless to say, I was upset that she rejected me when I tried to initiate intimacy. And in my drunken state of mind I guilt tripped her into sleeping with me. Saying things like “we haven’t done anything in awhile.” “Please? We can be quick.” “No one can hear us, they’re all asleep.” Etc.
She gave in. Let it be known that though I was drunk, I still remember what happened. I DID NOT force her. I guilt tripped her. She knows this and I know this. There's a HUGE difference.
I woke up early the next morning to catch my flight and I immediately knew I had fucked up and began apologizing to her. She assured me it was ok and that she knew it was unlike me to act like that, and that she knew it had been a long time since we had been intimate. We talked as much as we could before I had to go, but deep down I had a feeling that things weren’t ok.
Things weren’t the same after that night. We talked and she told me she that a few years ago a guy had forced himself on her. She never told anyone about it, she never sought help or justice. She bottled it up and dealt with it by moving from place to place. She told me that what I had done had brought back the emotions she buried from that incident and that I was unfortunately tied to it.
We tried everything to make it work, we went on a break which seems almost impossible since we were already a LDR! I tried so hard to make up for it. But like she said, I was tied to the emotions of that trauma, so seeing and talking to me was hard for her.
This is where I’m upset and asking for your opinion. I’m torn with my emotions about this because I was a great girlfriend to her, I know people will say that about themselves, but I’m really not trying to toot my own horn here. But I loved her immensley & always put her first. It’s hard to know what to feel because I’m mad at myself for letting my emotions get to me that night and pressuring her and I take full responsibility for that and will always regret it. But at the same time, I’m mad because I think she amplified what I did and made it seem like it was the worst possible thing a person can do to someone. She made it seem as if I was the one who violated her years back, which is entirely unfair.
She let one mistake override all the good. She runs from her problems, she doesn’t deal with her emotions or issues, she bottles it up and unfortunately what I did that night made all those buried emotions surface. She has every right to be mad at me, but at the same time I think she jumped the gun and had too much going on in her life and chose to cut me off because staying with me would mean she would have to deal with the emotions of the past. I begged for her to go to counseling, but she refused to even talk about it more. We ended on good terms and we were both torn about ending something that was so strong and great. I know I messed up, but am I in the wrong for being upset at her too?
TL;DR Guilt tripped my LDR GF into having sex after going a long time without intimacy. She told me later that what I did brought back horrible emotions of something she buried years ago and broke it off. I know what I did was wrong, but I think it was unfair to even compare what I did to that. Do I have a right to be upset at her?
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