TL;DR: Hubby takes offense to decisions I make about my own body and space.
The 2 most recent examples of this have me reeling. A few weeks ago we moved into a new house, and we’ve been setting up furniture. We were deciding how to set up our offices (we each have our own home-office room), and he asked where I wanted my desk. The layout of the room is a little awkward- the only way to have it where my back wasn’t to the door (pet peeve of mine, I hate having a door behind me it makes me uneasy) was to have it directly facing the door- kind of executive style.
You guys, he got grumpy and said he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. I’m thinking how could MY desk in MY office have you feeling any kind of way? But I asked politely what the problem was and he said it made him feel emasculated. I’m like what the fuck? My DESK? I was incredulous. He starts getting upset that I’m not taking his feelings seriously, but I was so floored. I basically said there was nothing I could do if the position of my desk made him feel like that. I ended up walking away from the conversation when it started getting heated and we haven’t brought it up since.
Yesterday, I was having period cramps so I took some painkillers and went to lay down for a bit. When my husband came home from work and asked what was wrong, I told him about the cramps and said it should be fine in a bit, I took some ibuprofen and was just waiting for it to kick in.
He then exclaimed “Damnit, I should have picked you up some midol!” I said hey don’t worry about it, the ibuprofen is good enough. But he got MAD. He starts ranting about how he knows scientifically that midol is better for cramps and he should have picked some up. I said it’s not that much better, painkillers are painkillers, and this really set him off! He brought up instances in the past when he’s brought me midol and how he’d asked me how it was working, and based on my answers he concluded that it was a better painkiller for cramps. His main argument/rant was based on how I contradicted myself- how could I have reported in the past that the midol was better and yet be satisfied with ibuprofen? He insisted he felt confused, hurt, and pushed away, and I was being mean for not considering that.
You guys, I was beside myself. I didn’t ask for any goddamn midol. I didn’t ask for ANYTHING and he came in while I was lying down and not feeling well and somehow made it about him and his feelings. I had no idea how to manage it and just started crying and freaking out. I apologized for being mean just to end the conversation and then shut myself in the bathroom to cry by myself. He apologized afterwards, saying he’s worried that all I took away from the situation was “Doug got home when I wasn’t feeling well and came in and make it worse.” In my head I’m thinking um excuse me but that’s EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED but I just muttered that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore and dropped it.
We've done therapy in the past but he hated it, said he felt like it was just everyone telling him he was wrong about everything.
Could I be missing something? Do I have a blind spot here?
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