Throwaway as ya girls username is known. This is a lengthy one so be ready. TL;DR at bottom
I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. Prior to us dating my best friend was pretty friendly with him and they got along well. Before me and SO started dating we were pretty good friends so needless to say we took a while to get together. During this time there were a few people who meddled trying to get us together and some people felt negatively about him taking so long to ask me out. To be honest I don't agree with this view as it was as equally my fault us taking so long. I don't believe it is all up to the guy. This is where my friend started to get negative views on him. Anyway flash forward and we are dating.
Over the last couple of years she has expressed her dislike for him here and there but always followed with, "if you're happy I'm happy." I asked her to stop saying some of these negative things about him and she agreed. Now I rarely talk to her about SO as I want to avoid these awkward confrontations.
This tactic has worked pretty well until this past week. Many of our friends are getting engaged and starting their lives after uni graduation, and twice this past week she has expressed a fear of me getting engaged. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon, but I also can't imagine a life without my SO in it.
The last time I spoke to her was at a dinner party. Earlier in the evening I was talking to some friends about their relationships and how things were going and I got to speak positively about SO. It was refreshed. My friend came late and some mentioned his name and she went on a bit of a rant saying that he's a bad person and how could I be going out with him. She also bought up his family, their wealth and topped it off complaining that he was unattractive and having a dig at me saying I have bad taste. I was in shock and couldn't even find the words to defend him. A few moments later she was talking and wouldn't revile the majority of her story but would tell everyone 'later' I presume not in my presence. The next half hour she barely spoke to me.
After the incident, alone I asked her why she was acting this way and said she could do and say what she wanted because she doesn't like him. I personally don't think this is a good enough reason, am I being too harsh?
The next day in tears I nervously told my SO what had happened and I swear to god he was the sweetest he DEFENDED her and was trying to think of reasons why she may be acting this way because he doesn't think she is a bad person. He is a very very rational person and tries to also see the best in people. His thoughts were maybe she was upset before she even got to the party and took it out on me, maybe she's jealous as she is single, or even that I am my happiest because of him. He puts in so much effort to get along with her but she doesn't change or even explain her behavior. He is honestly amazing and so thoughtful, even my granny loves to him to bits and she is incredibly hostile to most people.
I guess I have come here for general advice on what do do next. I feel a little crazy and I don't want to lose my best friend but at the same time I'm not willing to give up my love to stop her from being mean, and at this time I'd chose him over her.
TL;DR My best friend has never been a fan of my boyfriend, however she said some pretty hurtful and spiteful things that made me upset. He's pretty amazing and doesn't hate her for how she's been acting. This was not only an attack on him but also me and I'm not sure where the friendship stands.
How should I proceed? Am I being too harsh on her? If I can't reason with her is a friend break-up in order?
EDIT: Added a little more detail.
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