I had been dating my girlfriend for about a year and half. We had a bit of a rough start to our relationship, but we spent a lot of time discussing and trying to resolve our personal issues.
My biggest concern was that she would often lie to me, but it seemed to be due to insecurity or doubt in herself rather than malicious intent. I broke up with for about a month due to a series of lies that were insignificant, but hurt my trust in her and my own confidence. During this time, all I could think about was how much I loved and missed her, and that I might have been to harsh.
We got back together and dated for about 3 months, with no issues at all. She was clearly making an effort to regain my trust, and we were both very happy.
One weekend when she was out of town, we got into an argument about me not responding to her texts when I was out with friends at a bar. At the time I thought it was unfair and hypocritical based on our past. I ended up dancing and making out with someone I met that night, but she didn’t come home with me. I didn’t feel guilty about what I had done. I made the decision to break up with my girlfriend right before it happened, and I would wait to tell her in person when I saw her again.
I called her the next morning and told her we needed to talk. When I saw her I told her I was breaking up with her because I wasn’t happy with the relationship and needed my personal space, but didn’t come clean about the other girl. She didn’t believe me, insisting something else must have happened and questioned what I had done that night. I deflected because I was ashamed and didn’t want to deal with the consequences. I turned the situation back against her, and said the real reason was because I couldn’t trust her because of her past, and didn’t believe she would ever change.
I handled this situation in the worst possible way, and it’s really having a negative impact on my life. I can’t stop thinking about how selfishly I acted. It’s been almost 8 months. I’ve tried dating other women but can’t seem to get over my ex or forgive myself for my actions.
I wish that I had been more patient and just talked to her instead of acting out and cheating. I had the opportunity to tell her the truth and move on, but I couldn’t. I know I broke her heart and telling her the truth now while she is trying to move on will just cause her more pain. I don’t feel right appeasing my guilt at her expense, but I want her to know it wasn’t her fault. I need advice on what to do. We do not speak to each other anymore. Any help is greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: Cheated on girlfriend, didn’t tell her the truth and blamed the breakup on her instead. Not sure if I should reach out months later to try to make things right.
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