My mom has always been naturally skinny and never had to worry about dieting. I have always been very curvy and fluctuated from chubby to overweight. In the last year, she’s put on a little weight from aging, but she’s still smaller than I am. Since I was in high school, my mom would make comments about my body in a “concerned” way, incessantly asking when is the last time I went to the gym, offering to buy me diet food, rewarding me with gifts when I stuck to a diet, etc.
For the past few months, I have been dieting and exercising. I have lost about 15 lbs, but at this point it’s about the discipline and challenge rather than the weight. Well, my mom cannot take it. Any time my weight comes up, her compliments are in relation to herself. “Wow, you’re only four pounds heavier than I am,” or “wow, I’ve never even worn that size in pants!” I can roll my eyes at things like that, but since moving home from college last week, it has already gotten worse. She’s started working out obsessively and making comments about why she can’t lose weight as quickly as I am... except the fact that it took me four months of working out every day to lose weight. I see her buying clothes that she would never fit into just to prove to herself that she’s still the skinny one. She hasn’t said anything outright for me to be able to claim that it bothers her that I could eventually weigh less than she does, but her words and attitude are toxic. I don’t even care about the weight anymore, but it’s clear that she still wants me to be the bigger one, which is making it hard for me to stop seeing myself as the fat one.
How can I address this with her? I don’t have clear enough evidence to accuse her of anything, but she is making me really uncomfortable, and it’s impacting my self-esteem.
TL;DR my mom is upset that I may soon weigh less than she does. How can I address this with her without seeming too defensive or sensitive?
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