Phew. Writing this because I suppose I have limited outlets to turn to, thanks for reading!
BF and I have been dating for half a decade now, since my senior year of HS. I always had a crush on him and when we started dating, everything was amazing. He is confident, boisterous, strong. I admired him, I still do. When we first started out, we had a long distance relationship as he went away for college. We made it work and frequently visited one another.
Flash forward a few years- I’m on my college grind and he has dropped out. Now he’s home and we start spending more time together. Some fights pop up here and there, usually ending with him telling me that he’s going to do whatever he wants no matter what.
Ok. I get that.
A few more years roll by, now it’s been ~4 years together, we both still live with our parents which has started to strain our relationship. He constantly talks down to his mother, makes her cry and ignores her. It’s tough to watch and I realized he was doing the same things to me if he didn’t like what I was saying.
So I try to address the problem, telling him that although logic and fact are necessary in conversation so is recognizing emotional context. That sometimes your point may be valid but gets clouded because you’re speaking like an asshole and your conversation will deteriorate even though you may come from a good place.
He doesn’t get it.
I plan a vacation for my college graduation, to drive down the west coast and explore, I bought him a plane ticket to come with me. I have a nice plan of camping in mountains and exploring beaches but he practically overrides my trip because of a concert happening in the area I want to travel to.
In an effort to be reasonable I agree to go, yet he makes no effort to do the things I want to do (on MY trip) and when I mention camping areas he blows up at me and says it’s annoying I want to spend so much time with him. That stung.
For some reason I’m still adamant about fixing our blips, because overall, the pros still outweighed the bad.
There were some other instances where he expressed more interest in his female friends than me but he brushes it off saying I’m over emotional and rather than realizing I’m calling him out, tries to defend his friends. Dude, I don’t have a problem with your lady friends, the problem is how you’re acting, not them.
So things clear up for a while, smiles, dinner dates etc. we’re both still living at home and these days. I plan another vacation to go to a few festivals down south. He offers to buy me a ticket to one for Christmas (this is the first real gift he’s ever gotten me for bday or xmas in 5 years) The trip is an absolute dream, everything is going smoothly to the point that I’m waiting for something horrible to happen because it seems unreal.
My bf was just told he can’t drive anymore because of a condition. It’s definitely been weighing on him, I’ve been driving his car around and navigating the entire trip and any slight mistake I make ends up with him screaming at me in the car and making me cry on the highway. (I drove him 3000+ miles on this vacation with no accidents or tickets)
So we drive to the next city and have a little to drink when we get there. I ask him to try and be nicer to me while I’m driving because his reactions put us in a dangerous situational which he flips out and tells me to “recognize why I’m here” that I would have never been able to do this on my own and some other stuff that really bummed me out. I planned this whole thing, drove the whole way and yet he was still trying to wave the only gift he’d ever gotten me in my face.
Whatever, we were drunk.
Or so I convinced myself then. Yet I’m noticing this behavior continuing, he says I’m the only reason he can’t drive (although it’s his medical condition and I’m driving because I don’t want you to murder everyone on the highway when you blackout) and still yells at me when I’m driving.
Ive wanted to live with him for so long, but now I’m not even sure I’d like living with him. He doesn’t value my feelings at all, doesn’t make any effort to find a positive way of communicating with me even though I’ve expressed my needs countless times. I just feel so one sided when I try to support him and use his love languages and get condescended to in return.
TL;DR Not sure if BF doesn’t understand or just doesn’t care about my needs. I don’t want this to be the end but I want to be happy again.
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