(Throwaway because BF is on Reddit)
I've dealt with a lot of being catcalled in my life, living in a city, and having openly dated women in the past. It sucks, but the way I deal with it is by yelling something nasty back, trying to embarrass them in front of their friends.
I never do that if I feel like I'm in actual danger, and I feel like I have a pretty good idea when someone's or some situation is actually a threat. I also keep pepper spray on me just in case.
None of my friends or exes have had a problem with it before, my friends jokingly call me their "angry mama bear" when we go out, and a couple of my (female) exes told me stuff like "Going out with you is the first time I don't feel like I've got to hide being gay, and act like a girl's just a friend to avoid harassment" and "I wish I had your self confidence.
Anyway, once I started dating my current boyfriend Adam, compared to dating women, the catcalling stopped entirely. (Well unless I was alone or out with friends)
So the topic never came up in conversation between Adam and I.
Last week, I was walking to Adam's apartment, and he was sitting out on his balcony. This group of guys was walking behind me, and one was yelling stuff about my "nice ass" at me, and his friends were egging him on, laughing and stuff.
I stopped in my tracks and yelled at him that he was an Ugly desperate (C-word).
The guy muttered an apology and took a wife path to get around me when I continued on into to my boyfriend's apartment.
Adam asked me what the fuck happened down there, he'd seen the whole thing.
I said it was no biggie, and asked him if he was ready to head out to the movie we were going to go see, because it would be starting soon.
He said that he didn't understand how I was treating it so casually, and I said that it really wasn't a big deal, and that I wanted to get going so we could make it to the movie.
On the walk to the theater, I mentioned that situations like that weren't exactly a rare occurrence, especially back when I was in a relationship with a woman.
He asked if I freaked out every time.
I said "Well I wasn't exactly freaked out, but usually I do tell people off."
He said that what I'd done was a massive overreaction, especially in a public place, where there were a lot of people and families in earshot.
I told him "It's not like I'd do it if nobody was around, that's just risky. Anyway, I want people to hear, that they can't get away with that shit."
He just didn't like it one bit, he said I was overreacting and putting myself in danger, that it didn't make me look good or mature to flip my lid at strangers. And that causing a scene in front of kids was just trashy of me.
I told him that I'd rather kids see someone standing up for themselves then see someone cringe silently through the whole thing. But mainly, I wasn't doing it to look good, I'm doing it to make myself feel good.
When he asked about the language I used, I said he had a point. I never thought much about language because my parents both swore like sailors my whole life.
I'm a little annoyed by how critical my boyfriend is being though. It seems like he's more bothered by me cussing the guy out, then he was by the guy being creepy.
I don't know if I should talk to him again, or just treat it as none of his business because it doesn't really happen in front of him.
TLDR - My boyfriend doesn't like how I yell at catcallers, and that doesn't really sit right with me. I don't know whether to talk to him again, or just agree to disagree.
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