My boyfriend (32M) and I (28F) of 3 years live together and at the moment he supports me financially. He makes a good living working 2 jobs, 42-55 hours a week with only 1 weekend off a month. I am currently a student in my last year, with no additional income except for what is left of my savings from an internship and loans from this semester. I am currently job hunting and studying for my board licensure exams, which would complete my degree. Until then, I will most likely not be able to contribute to our shared finances apart from small things like food/toiletries as well as other things like keeping up the house, cleaning, meals, etc. We agreed last year that I would borrow less from my federal student loans to save us in the long run, and he offered to make this possible by supporting my living situation. My savings will be going towards my personal bills and expenses (car insurance, health insurance, licensing exam fees, gas, food, interest owed on my undergraduate debts, personal trips), but I will have some room to breathe after. I am extremely lucky to have someone who loves and trusts me so much that he has offered to take on the burden of supporting me in order to lessen our debts in the long run.
We both have massive school loans (each 8+ years in school), and have decided to live relatively frugal until they are under control. However, working so many hours has really burned him out, and so we take mini budget vacations every so often with saved PTO hours and our shared travel points. We also have a Southwest Companion Pass in which I fly for free whenever he flies.
I've recently taken some long overdue trips to visit a couple friends in other states, and will also be going on a girls trip this upcoming May with some classmates to celebrate the completion of our degrees. We have anticipated this trip for the last 3 years, and have already booked the non-refundable flights and airbnbs. Coincidentally, all these trips take place within 2 months of each other, and has created some concern from my boyfriend since I am not contributing financially and should be saving money to pay off my loans. I don't blame him. I feel guilty that I am going off to have fun and catch up with friends while he is at home, working an ungodly amount of hours, and paying for the mortgage and utilities all by himself. However, once licensed and hired (goal is by July/August), I will be able to bring in almost the same amount of income (about 85% of his yearly salary) and we will restructure our finances to be equal and fair.
Recently I was invited to a bachelorette weekend in October and I can tell he is not thrilled to hear that I might be going on another trip, especially when I should be responsible with my finances and saving to pay off my loans as well as other major costs, such as our potential future wedding. I haven't agreed to go yet, but I am contemplating it since I do believe it would mean a lot to the bride-to-be and I would definitely be disappointed if she couldn't make it to my bachelorette party. If this was just for any other trip, I would not be going.
With that being said, he has found a way to compromise, but I'm afraid that it would piss the rest of the bachelorette party off. He wants to use the Southwest Companion Pass to give me a free flight, but this means he will be coming with me, for at least a little while, on the bachelorette trip. He will need a break from work and wants to have his own vacation in the same town, with either his own friends or just alone. He says he would book a different hotel/ airbnb and plans to try to avoid me and the rest of the bachelorette party, other than the flight and ground transport.
I don't mind, since it makes sense to me, especially if we don't end up seeing each other for most of the trip, but I'm worried that it would annoy the bride-to-be and the rest of her party. I've never been to a bachelorette party before, but I know that SOs are usually explicitly not invited, and I don't want to ruin that for anyone. What is the etiquette on this? It seems kind of silly with all this hassle, and I feel bad for my boyfriend, who I know will be needing a break from work. Should I ask the maid of honor (who I don't know at all) if it's okay or ask the bride herself?
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TL;DR: Unemployed student close to graduation with major school loans, studying for licensing exams that will result in a job come July/August. Bf desperately needs a vacation and works like crazy to support us, while I go on trips when I should be saving. I got invited to a bachelorette weekend, and bf was not happy about another trip cost until he thought of a compromise that would give me a free flight and allow him to have his own vacation at the same time, but I'm afraid that this will piss off the rest of the bridal party.
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