I will try to keep this as short as possible.
We've had my MIL living in our house for the past 4 years because she left an abusive situation. Because of certain circumstances, she will never live independently, so we were prepared to just have her with us indefinitely.
She decided recently that she wanted to return to her husband (my husband's step-father), and while we don't like the idea, it's not like we have any control over the situation. We told her, though, that if she does end up going back, that is a final decision, and she can't go back and forth between him and us just because she's upset.
At any rate, my livelong friend (we grew up on the same block together and even went to the same college) is familiar with the situation, and I was talking to her about it recently (on FaceTime because we live on opposite sides of the country now).
I told her that while I am really sad MIL is getting roped back into the abusive situation, I have to respect her choice. Friend didn't like that and felt I needed to try harder to convince MIL that it is a bad idea, but there is only so much someone can do in a situation where a person's psyche has been molded by abuse for her entire life... etc etc.
She didn't seem happy with that answer.
The conversation progressed to me discussing my personal feelings of... pain? (I guess?) on the matter. My husband and I made a lot of sacrifices on her behalf in order for her to live with us. I resigned myself to and accepted the fact that she would be with us forever. I adapted my boundaries of personal space, etc. to make her feel more welcome. It was a very stressful time for all of us... So it hurts a little bit that she has up and decided to leave after all that.
I also expressed a bit of relief because-- while she is a lovely woman who didn't intrude-- it still will be nice to just have the home to ourselves (and our son (6)).
Anyhow, by the end of the conversation, my friend had gotten progressively more and more quiet. She then said she had to go put her daughter to bed, and we hung up.
I awoke today to a text that said, "I have felt for a while that we are growing apart and becoming different people. Your incredibly selfish way of thinking about (MIL) has just sealed the deal. As a victim of abuse, I would have expected you to be more empathetic. Please don't contact me again, as I will not be as civil if we continue speaking."
I'm honestly taken aback. Of course I care that she is returning to her abuser. There's just nothing I can do about it. And I thought since this was my best friend, I could tell her my deeper thoughts on the matter.
We did mature into different people, but it never seemed to be anything that marred our friendship. Things felt normal on my end, but I guess maybe they were strained on hers? This is the first I've heard of it...
Anyway... should I wait a few days and then respond, asking her to talk with me more about it? Or should I just accept that this friendship is over? It seems a shame to throw away a 30+ year friendship over this.
TLDR: Best friend doesn't like how I'm handling a situation and our friendship is over?
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