My sister has an IQ of about 55, history of mental illness, and lives with our mom [69 F] because she can't live on her own. My mom is a deadbeat who is about to keel over from self-inflicted medical conditions due to a lifetime of not taking care of herself. She was a terrible mother to me (I was taken out of her custody when I was 8, fortunately) and has been a terrible mother to my sister. They both live entirely off of public assistance because neither of them work (my mom has hardly ever worked in her whole life).
I have a terminal degree, a successful business, and a family of my own. My husband and I are comfortable financially and have long-term investments. There has always been an expectation that I would help my sister once our mom dies given that she can't really take care of herself, and my husband and I have always planned to do this (to some extent), but now she's pregnant and planning on keeping the baby. I know that somehow I'm going to be made to feel financially responsible for this. My mom is always trying to guilt me into taking care of both of them financially, and I was happy to commit to helping my sister (once our mom dies), but I feel like this is too much and not my responsibility. How can my sister take care of a child when she can't take care of herself, and why should I be expected to take care of both of them?
They live together in a cat-infested hoarder's paradise - the air inside their apartment is so acrid with cat stink that I can't even go inside; the other day we drove my mom to vote and I nearly vomited because she smelled strongly like a cat litter box (her odor has been getting worse and worse). My husband has offered to help them clean their apartment so that their landlord can rip out the carpets and put down linoleum, but I know my mom, and because this would require her also putting forth some effort, I don't foresee this ever happening (she is a hoarder, to boot, and a massive purge will need to take place to even reach the floor). If the awful living conditions persist (and they likely will), my husband said he will have to call child protective services on them (I'm not opposed to this). I've offered to arrange to have friends who've been on both sides of the open adoption process talk to my sister, but I haven't actually talked to my sister in months, and though I relayed the message through our mom, I suspect my mom is encouraging my sister to keep the baby (they'd get more allowance for housing and food stamps, etc.) and probably never even told her that I'd made this offer.
I guess my question is, what do I do? I've made it clear to my mom that I will not help financially (she's already asked us to build an addition on our house for my sister and her baby), but her assurance means nothing - I know they're going to be knocking on our door looking for money. What do I do when our mom dies (which seriously could be any moment)? How can I be figuratively - not literally - supportive of my sister, especially knowing that she can provide nothing but a life of misery for this child?
EDIT: Need to add that the father doesn't even know that my sister is pregnant, lives in a different state, and my sister is not going to tell him. She is due in a few months, so too late for an abortion.
tl;dr - My sister is incapable of living on her own but is having a baby, lives with my mom who is a mooching deadbeat, in deplorable conditions unfit for a baby. I fully expect them to ask me to help out financially even though I've said I won't, because I have my own family to take care of.
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