So, when I was younger, my parents had a lot of issues with my extended family. Half of my grandparents are completely cut out of my life, and my parents eventually moved me and my brother (15M, 4 years younger than me) to a different state so that we didn't have to be around my extended family a lot.
This grandparent (my dad's father, let's call him J) and his wife (my dad's stepmother, let's call her F) in particular have had issues with my dad ever since he was little, and those issues only continued as he got older and eventually had me. J was an alcoholic as my dad was growing up, and neglected my dad. He never took care of him the way he needed to and was never a good father figure. When he married F, when my dad was very young, she was generally just very sour and judgemental. She favored her bio daughter over my dad and his sister, and was just an awful woman.
Once I was born and my mom and dad got married, F would constantly criticize my mom, and when I stayed over at their house, she would question me about the things my mom did to raise me and would try to teach me to hate her and the things that she did. While J never did the same things, he also didn't try to stop her or stand up for my mom. He was no longer struggling with alcoholism at that point but was still in a place where he was letting F push him around and call the shots. Eventually my parents got tired of this so they never let my brother or I be around them anymore. I specifically recall asking them to let me stay home and not be around them because I didn't like the way F treated my mom. They heard me and acted accordingly to try and protect our family.
I haven't talked to them in about 10 years. My parents don't talk to them much either, but my aunt (my dad's sister) tries to maintain contact with J as much as possible (she hates F, as most people in the family do). J recently sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I accepted after a couple days because I figured that I should let him see what I'm up to. My aunt recently disclosed to me that he wanted to try and contact my brother and I again because it breaks his heart that he doesn't get to see his grandkids grow up as a result of F, yet he still won't sacrifice his relationship with her. She told him since I'm over 18 he can pretty much do whatever he wants in terms of contacting me unless I explicitly state otherwise. He "waved" to me on Facebook this morning, but I haven't responded.
What should I do? I don't want to betray my parents by rekindling a relationship with J. I also don't want to make F mad if I have a relationship with J and not her (because I definitely don't want a relationship with her). My parents never cut them out of my life for selfish reasons, it was only because I specifically asked not to see them again and because they wanted what was best for the family. But I feel like I might be missing out on a good relationship with my grandpa. He had good qualities about him, he wasn't just a big pushover. But I'm also barely an adult and have no idea how to start a relationship with a family member who was cut out of my life for choosing a sour, abusive woman over his own kids and grandkids. Where do I even start with this?
tldr; my grandpa was cut out of my life by my parents (via my request) for choosing his wife (who shit-talked my mother to me and my brother) over his kids and grandkids. now he wants to have a relationship with me now that I'm over 18, since my parents have no say anymore. I don't want to betray my parents or stir the family pot in any way, but I feel like this could be good ?? idk. pls help.
[link] [comments]
from Relationships https://ift.tt/2s5G6YG
No comments:
Post a Comment