My mother [59F] is in a support group for parents who don't like their kids' partners [me 24F with him 28M, almost 3 years]

TL;DR: What have you done when your parent doesn't like your partner?

She didn’t purposely tell me but hung it in front of my face because she mentioned seeing a friend and I asked her where she knew this friend from. She acted all funny , making it obvious that she didn’t want to tell me and then saying I wouldn’t speak to her if she told me (and laughing!) and then she told me...

And what makes it worse is that my partner is great , but the things my mother just seized on and finds evil intentions from are things that are less than ideal about him. Like I wish he were more expressive of emotions but he’s pretty stoic. He can come off very much like a “going through the motions” type person and I feel more comfortable with people who are expressive and warm (not that he isn’t very loving , caring , and affectionate- I just wish he were more expressive). My mother sees this personality and assumes that he is controlling , manipulative , and trying to force me to be a cookie cutter doll to fit his exact needs and requirements. Every time I see her I feel like she is manipulating me against him.

And of course he doesn’t like her because of how she is so she tells me he’s trying to turn me against her

After she told me she spent two hours complaining about him. She said that the way he put his legs over mine and his head in my lap (in front of her and my grandma) was controlling, manipulative, and a way to show that he owned me and I had to cater to him. I love when he does that. I asked a bunch of women (who are staunch feminists) if they thought that was controlling or sexist and all of them agreed with me that it’s nice.

I'm very sensitive to being in a relationship where the man thinks that his career matters the most and that I'm secondary / being controlled (since I lived 18 years with a controlling mother), so I am vulnerable to being told things like this even if they're ridiculous and far fetched. How do you deal with your parent not liking your partner?

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