Been dating since junior year of college, decided to stay together (~1000 mile LDR) post-graduation with the plan being that I would join him for grad school in a couple of years, discussed marriage/kids/being an adorable old retired couple at great length.
Fast forward/smash cut to now: about to apply to grad school and we've just hit a huge bump in the road--it's like all of the bitterness and resentment etc. that "should've" been there throughout the duration of the LDR bubbled up all at once, and it's not something we've ever dealt with before (always minimal fighting, great conflict resolution, 100% certainty and investment in the relationship from both sides, deep/unconditional/gross-mushy-over-the-moon love (exchanged "I love you"s 3 weeks in), the whole nine yards). For the past week or so it's been a completely different story--it's like we can't talk to each other anymore, and I can't even access those feelings consistently, which has never happened; sometimes it's like I'm seeing them through some kind of translucent barrier instead of feeling them. Prior to ...this week, loving him has never been a conscious effort, even when "fighting."
Typing it out this sounds so stupid, but what can I/we do? Part of the resentment from my side is that I feel like I've been putting in 95% of the "work" in the relationship (I told him at some point that it's not that I haven't felt he's there for me, but I haven't felt he's there for us, if that makes any sense). I love him so much but in the past week I've felt so disconnected; where in the past my "knee-jerk" emotional responses to him were 100% empathetic/caring/loving, they've just been frustrated and I've found myself lashing out in ways I thought unimaginable. I hate the person I've been in the context of our relationship and I'm terrified of pushing him away.
Is this a normal/workable hurdle in a relationship? We've been "talking it out" in the sense that we're both being very open 1. with how we feel and 2. with our continued commitment to push through it, but we've never dealt with this depth of ...disconnect? before. Any tips and/or tricks?
TL;DR Serious LDR relationship hitting its first true snags/doubts; normal end-of-honeymoon-phase stuff or bigger red flags?
[link] [comments]
from Relationships https://ift.tt/2kbY2NB
No comments:
Post a Comment