I met my now-husband, Seth, when I was 18 and he was 25. We met in an online game, became quick friends, and eventually developed feelings for each other, which (after several visits, of course) led me to move across the country to be with him. After a year, we got married. At first, I wasn’t too keen on the whole getting married so young thing, but he asked me to be his wife, and I figured I loved Seth more than anything and didn’t see myself being with anyone else so why the fuck not. We got married in a courthouse with his close family. (My family wasn’t too happy about the whole thing and my relationship with them still hasn’t fully recovered.) So, yeah, 20 year old bride with a 27 year old husband.
I always tease my husband that he’s an old man, that he’s my sugar daddy, that I’m his young trophy wife, etc. etc. but the age gap never actually bothered me. I never felt like there was an age gap. We like the same things and share the same core principles and life philosophies. Besides, it’s not like there’s a huge generational gap. It’s not like I’m married to someone’s grandpa. He doesn’t look older than me. He doesn’t really act older than me. So, no problem, right? And it was no problem, until somewhat recently, where our age gap has started to take a toll on our relationship.
Seth wants kids. I do too. But, I don’t want to have kids right now. I feel I’m not ready yet because I still have a lot of growing up and finding myself to do. I’m only 22. I’ve only been able to legally drink for like a year. Seth’s argument is that he’s almost 30 and wants kids sooner than later, because he doesn’t want to be too old. He also wants to settle down and get a house together, whereas I want to travel and have fun before pooling all my money and resources into a house. I want to go out and party a bit, but he’s over that whole thing and I wouldn’t feel right going out without him. He wants me to have a long-term career instead of working as a secretary like I currently do. He’s even mentioned careers he’d like me to have. It’s like he’s planning my future for me and it’s suffocating.
I tried talking to him about it, but he just gets frustrated because I don’t think he expected this to be a problem either. Just the other day, he told me to “Grow up a little”. And it’s not like this is like the first few months of our relationship, we’ve been together 4 years and married for 2. Our relationship is otherwise great, we’re best friends, the sex is amazing, and, without a doubt, we love each other immensely. But it’s now obvious we are at different points in our lives and those points don’t have a lot of overlap.
I don’t know what to do other than just give in. But I don’t want to just throw away my youth. How do you compromise on major life decisions like this?
TL;DR: My husband is 29 and I’m 22. He’s ready to settle down with a house and kids, but I’m not quite there yet and it’s straining our relationship and causing a lot of arguments.
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