My boyfriend and I [30s M/F] took his mother and her husband [50s M/F] out for lunch Sunday as an early Mother's Day gift. Boyfriend and I have been together for 3-ish years and I have known his mom just as long. Mother and her husband are Christian, boyfriend and I are atheist. Until now, my relationship with his mom has been sort of "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to my religion. She talks very openly of her beliefs and her various activities with her church. I bow my head and join hands respectfully during prayer in her home, and when they choose to pray in mine (typical mealtime prayer). She has occasionally invited me to church events that I respectfully decline.
Mom had one too many glasses of wine and she started talking about her son's fine genetics (it was a weird conversation) and we sort of laughed that the bloodline ends with us. It has never been a secret to her that we do not plan on having children. I try to keep the baby conversation light and to a minimum, historically.
This upset her and she bowed her head and reached across the table to hold our hands and pray silently. We held hands for many uncomfortable minutes while she quietly cried. (The poor waiter. If you are out there waiter, I am sorry! We feel god in this Chili's tonight!)
She took this already emotional moment to discuss some health problems she has been having, which made her more distraught. I think she is feeling her mortality a little bit. She cried some more.
I excused myself to the restroom. When I returned, my boyfriend excused himself to the restroom. While he was gone, Mom asked if she could ask me a personal question. I sort of awkwardly laughed and told her yes, but only if she stopped crying. I don't think she appreciated my joke. She asked very plainly, "Do you believe in Christ?" I'm sure my eyes got wide - I was raised by Christian parents, one of whom is now an atheist, and I identified as a Christian for some of my young adult life. I have not called myself Christian in more than a decade. I said that I did at one time, trying to spare her feelings and not make an already uncomfortable situation worse. But of course that isn't really what she was asking, so she asked again and I simply shook my head no. She said she had so hoped that I did, and I said, "I know." We sat in silence while she welled up again.
At this point my boyfriend returned and soon we saw ourselves out. In the car I learned that while I was in the restroom she grilled him on children and marriage. (He would like to get married, I am on the fence.)
I don't know what advice I'm looking for here. The whole thing was such a mess. My boyfriend is angry with his mom now for sort of making a scene, and for making me uncomfortable. I feel bad that I made her upset, but I could not in good conscience lie to her face when asked a direct question. Now I am the godless whore who won't make an honest man out of her son nor provide her with grandchildren.
There is so much that I could explain to her - my religious upbringing, my reasons for choosing atheism, my complete acceptance of her religious choices! I feel like so much was left unsaid, but I can't exactly sit in a restaurant all day and tell my life story to a woman who probably doesn't care to hear it. I'm worried now that she's dwelling on this information and making assumptions about me because I didn't elaborate. I wish I had said something about this being a conversation we should have and not just a yes or no answer. Or about how I am still the same person I have always been despite this "new" information. It was never a secret that I am an atheist, we just never brought it up, for better or worse - her son and I have lived together in sin for years!
She texted yesterday morning to blame her emotions on menopause and to say, "sorry you got caught up in it!" I responded that I know menopause can be trying, and that I hope she had a good Mother's Day lunch, regardless.
I guess my question is this - should I broach further conversation with her about my (lack of) religious beliefs? Should I wait until she brings it up again? I really want to maintain a positive relationship with her. Looking for advice on how/when/what to say, if I should say anything at all!
TL;DR - Told boyfriend's mom that I'm an atheist, she cried. What do?
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