So this friend (F30) and I (F28) met in an online forum a few years ago and became really good friends. It turns out that we are both one of the more rare personality types, in addition to being in the same career and having similar hobbies and interests. She's truly my sister from another mister, and some days it feels like we're more like the same person in two different bodies. However, until a few months ago we lived thousands of miles apart, so it's been fairly recently that we've lived close enough to actually hang out in person.
She has been with her boyfriend for at least 6 years. They live together, have pets together, and discuss a future together. However, they've also nearly broken up several times just since the beginning of the year, so I feel like the relationship has numbered days. He is extremely immature for his age (in my opinion) and seems to struggle to hold down any sort of job. He's one of the "tortured musician" types that is truly just lazy and unmotivated in my eyes. She has supported them and paid the bulk, if not all, of the bills for the majority of the relationship.
Since I've moved closer, I've hung out with this boyfriend maybe 4 times. He helped us for about 40 minutes when we unloaded the moving van, we went to their place for dinner and a game, we met briefly at a public event, and they came to my place last night. The game night was the only really enjoyable time spent with him, and even then he had some immature, moody moments when his cards weren't picked. 🙄
But last night might have been the last straw. He was on a bit of a rant, expressing his opinion that it is our duty to stay current on political events even if it leaves us depressed. I agreed, but added my opinion that it is also out duty to have some self awareness and not let ourselves get completely dragged down over something we have little to no control over, otherwise we drag everyone in our enviroment down too. Apparently I hit a tender spot, because he exploded at me and asked when the conversation had turned into giving him advice. (It hadn't; he used "We" pronouns, as did I, and nothing was directed at him in any way.) He then dramatically changed the subject in a very mocking, condescending manner. It was bad enough I briefly contemplated asking them to leave, but they left soon after without being asked.
My SO was present and completely unimpressed with the guy's behavior. SO never wants to hang out with him again, and after last night I really don't either. His response was completely over the top and immature, and I don't understand his seeming need to pick a fight over everything. I am a very peaceful person who places high priority on clear, mature communication and friendly discussion. I barely know this asshole, and I definitely don't want to get to know him any better as I am very particular about the friends I surround myself with. But how do I convey this to my friend? I love her dearly, and it would suck to lose her friendship just because her bf is intolerable. I should add that she and I always have a delightful time when we're alone or with other friends.
Tl;dr- Best friend's boyfriend is an intolerable, rude asshole and I want to avoid him while preserving ny friendship with her.
Edit: age/gender details that are apparently needed
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