Him and I began as a hookup, and both felt it could be more. So we began dating and after about a month of dating his ex hit him up. She experienced trauma and had an abortion.
They didn’t end on good terms. She had been dishonest with him/ or cheated (not sure exactly). It was a polyamorous relationship and she had other partners. She moved away to another state about 6 months before she recently hit him up. He says that during those 6 months he still had hope of getting back together with her and felt she led him on.
But when she hit him up, he said it brought up feelings for him. He felt that he wanted to be there for her but also didn’t want to because of how things had ended between them. There was a blowup between them. And there was a day of angry texting between them. I told him that this felt like a lovers quarrel between them. And the intensity of what he was saying that “he was confused about how he felt about her” that she was in his heart. And “half in love with her” made me feel that his feelings were unresolved.
We took a break/breakup. Were we said he needed to figure out what he felt/wanted. I would honor my feelings for him but at a certain Point would be moving on. He met up and talked to her and decided not to be together. He says he is no longer in love with her. And doesn’t want to be with her.
I am having a hard time trusting that he is really over her. Because he has also been inconsistent with what he says he feels. Before the break, he said he didn’t want to be with her and wanted to be with me. And now that him and I met up again after the break, he said that during the break (before their convo) he thought her and her might get together. But when they met he realized things were different and didn’t want to be with her.
I’m struggling with feeling really hurt by all of it. I know it triggers my insecurities and self doubts. And that my jealousy and stuff is mine to work on.
What I’m also struggling with is that I asked how they left contact between them. He said he left it as they won’t be together but if they see each other on the street they will acknowledge each other. But that they will still be friends. I asked what he meant by friends and it seems he defines it as he won’t hang out with her or be hitting her up to checkin. But that since she was his best friend she is still his friend (?)
I told him that I feel uncomfortable with them having any contact. That I don’t want to be controlling and dictate who he talks to. Would it be fair for me to ask him to not have contact with her? I’m someone who doesn’t keep contact with exes. And I think if it was a relationship where there was something between them that ended and was resolved, I could work through my jealousy of him having contact with his ex. With this it feels like we were doing our thing, she came around and his focus went on her. So it feels like our relationship hasn’t fully been focused on just us.
He said 1) should I change my number. 2) If you don’t want me to have contact with her, I’ll tell her and we won’t have contact. But I told him no to the first one. I don’t want this to be about you doing this to appease me and us avoiding the real issue of me having difficulty trusting and feeling jealousy. For the second one, I asked for him to have no contact with her the next few months and that maybe we could revisit that conversation.
Tl;dr dated someone for about a month. Ex texted him, which brought up feelings for him. We took a break. He met up with her and doesn’t want to be with her. We are back together, but I’m having a hard time trusting/moving on.
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