Im very new to this. So forgive me if im not doing something right. This is gonna be kinda long so forgive me, but i hope you guys are still up for reading this.
A couple months since last July ive been married to my husband. Very new marriage obviously. He is in the marines so we married young so i could be with him where he's stationed. I only very recently moved in with him this January.
It all started last December when i went through his phone and saw he had been lying to me. Basically i found out he was acting like he was asleep (as he would tell me) but was really up drinking with friends or from what i found out. Being at strip clubs. Yes yes i know big deal right. Well yes i thought that too. Though it hurt knowing he was lying to me. I forgave him. But i had an intuition. I knew something wasnt quite right. So long story short. I knew once i moved in with him in January we would get a joint account together, and i could easily see what he had spend his money on through his bank statements. I had this plan. And boy did it work lol
So i found out he spends about hundreds of dollars at strip clubs. I had found out he had gone quite a few times and spent about 700$ being the most at a strip club. I find he sent 300$ to a stripper through venmo. I mean the whole thing. But you know what. Theyre strip clubs right?! Isnt that something men do? Maybe. So it was hard to forgive but i really tried at that point. Here's where it gets worse I mean you think you know someone right? So i remember a week before our marriage (small fast court marriage) but nonetheless, i remember going through his phone after i had come back from a family trip for just the weekend. I find a screenshot of a girl with a phone number underneath her picture , i find this screenshot in deleted. So obviously i bring it up. Of course he lies. " oh i was just showing that girl to my friends because shes a prostitute online and i was joking with them on how our other friend would do something like that" and of course thats fucking weird. So i asked him why is he looking up that shit, blah blah. His response " thats gross what the fuck, do you think i would do something like that?" And i really believed in that time, that no he wouldn't have done something like that. So long story short. After finding out the strip clubs, going through ALL the bank statements. One looked out of place. 200$ taken out at the Hilton Hotel. Of course i questioned him, he must've had this thought out since he came up with an alibi pretty fast. I made the mistake of believing him. A couple days go by maybe, and i really start to think about his excuse. I then realized i HAD to make sure that the uber he had taken made a "pit stop" at the hotel like he said so he could "take out money to loan to his brother". Well nope, i find out he had been there for about an hour and 20 mins.
Well then i realized the day he had done this was the day after i left for my family trip. And that i had potentially just saw the prostitute he had chosen from backpage. Im happy i dont remember her face at least.
Well now here i am. Our marriage is new. I asked all my family and friends for advice, they think it best for me to try and work it out. But i never told them he cheated with a prostitute so i dont know if their advice would be the same if they didnt think he just cheated, im honestly too embarrassed to.
So my problem is that im trying my best to forgive but its so hard when i constantly think about it. He has changed and apologized and has admitted to what hes done, he claims to regret it and says it destroys him. He seems genuine.. of course ive taken some action. He knows i can literally see what he spend his money on and if he takes out money he lets me know, he shares his location now so i have that also, oh and his passwords. Of course i know thats not gonna stop anyone from cheating. I guess its the only way i can try and forgive him. He recently came forward to his friends about what he did because he was feeling really shitty. I didnt ask him or want him to. And its so hard because im keeping this from everyone also. I need to say it. So i decided to say it here.
My guilts - I feel guilty because when im feeling really bad about it and it gets to me. I feel like he deserves getting cheated on right back. I havent done anything but i feel that way sometimes. I also have deleted tinder on and off , i havent met anyone anyone but im not sure if i have the guts to ever go through with doing that.
I know nobody can really tell me what to do. But i could use some advice. Has this happened to anyone? Is this something you'd forgive? I still love him, and when i moved in with him (before i had found out everything) i was so happy. And now im so torn and lonely. He's deployed for 6 months so you can imagine all the time i spent overthinking this shit. And man does it hurt. Sorry this was so long :(
Tl;dr New marriage and already heading somewhere bad
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