Sorry for the really long post but here goes nothing...
My ex and I broke up a month and a half ago. We were together for 1.5 years and we really had an amazing relationship without any hiccups for at least 9 months. But then slowly the cracks started showing through. He was really insecure and if I even spoke to a member of the opposite sex (be it for college assignments or even make eye contact with a male) he would make a huge deal and I often had to apologise and show him tremendous amounts of affection for him to be normal again.
There was one specific evening after a college lecture I was speaking to a guy who was sitting next to me and he blew up about it when I told him. He started questioning whether I even went and wanted to see my lecture notes as proof. After that more incidents happened during the year; he would want me to snapchat him if I was at the library to see who I was sitting next to, wouldn't like going to busy libraries with me because he thought people would look at me or something, got angry because I emailed a classmate some tutorial notes and asked "How was your holiday" in my email. Basically I couldn't go anywhere without it turning into a huge fight filled with accusations which ended in me apologising and begging for nothing.
So around new years I couldn't take it anymore because it got to a point where even if I was out with my family he didn't even want me to have a glass of wine or wear a short dress even on the beach at 40 degrees celsius. I broke up with him but we ended up getting back together because I thought I would give him one more chance. During this break up period, I went to a party with my family to celebrate the new year and one my cousins friends kissed me on my forehead in the most platonic and sympathetic way you could imagine and I never initiated it or even saw it coming. It lasted less than a second and straight after I went to sleep because I didn't want to be around that kind of thing cause I knew my ex wouldn't like it. When I told my ex about it he got extremely angry but forgave me for it. Even though it was never my doing and I didn't flirt with the guy or make any sexual advances. It almost felt like I had to apologise for someone else touching me without my consent or my without my approval.
I should say my ex was really affectionate towards me and I had met his family and he really meant a lot to me. We could spend days together and never get sick of eachother. I still miss him and I wish things were different. We had an amazing time together when it was just me and him. He spoilt me thoroughly and never made me question whether he loved me or not. We spend most of our days together laughing and just being together and happy.
However, the New years incident couldn't leave his head. So one day we were having an argument in the car because he said that according to his values "a girl that wears a short dress is provocative or asking for it." The conversation eventually led to him asking about what I wore when the guy kissed me [on the forehead]. I told him it was mid thigh length beach dress and he said it was whore-ish and thats why the guy felt like he could do what he did. I didn't agree with that and was pretty shocked. He ended up punch the steering wheel and swerving his car.
He says that the car swerving wasn't dangerous because he was fully aware of what was happening and his speed was under like 40k's an hour. But It still made me feel unsafe and I just couldn't trust him after this.
So we broke up.
Now with all that said and done, he constantly tries to make feel guilty of breaking up with him. He was a beautiful writer and writes things about me saying that I broke his heart and I left him and he still loves me. There is a college confession page I follow and yesterday I saw he had wrote something about loving me and how much pain he is in and how he wishes we were still together.
I guess I'm writing this to figure out why even after being fully aware of why I broke up with him and knowing it was the right decision do I still feel so hurt by his words. Is there a way for me to ask him to stop or do I have to constantly be careful when I open my laptop to come across his writing and be depressed for the next week? I don't want to call him or ask him to stop because that means I have to open a conversation with him. But how do I let him know that we broke up for his mistakes not because I didn't love him.
Tldr: feeling confused, hurt and guilty for breaking up with an ex even if it was for the right reasons.
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