TL;DR - Been friends with guy for a year, really connected over mutual interests and supporting each other. I'm unsure of his sexuality, but I've slowly realized that I'm bisexual and am falling in love with him. I'm moving in with him next semester and feel like a ticking time-bomb is going to go off if I don't tell him beforehand.
So I'm a college student going into my junior year and have been friends with Alex for around a year now. We met through a club and have slowly become closer and closer due to group projects and classes together. I really now consider him my best friend which is something I haven't really done since middle school. (always found it weird that everyone seemed to have a best friend, but I didn't.)
I've only dated a few girls and haven't been in a serious relationship for more than 4 years now. I always considered that I liked guys, and even talked about it with my first girlfriend, but I was just never attracted to any guy until I met Alex.
He's the same age as me and I know he's dated a few girls in the past. I'm unsure (as it always seems to be in these situations) on his preferences. A few months ago we were talking about a concert we had been to and he mentioned (with other people) that 'even though he is straight, there's something about that [singer]'. But then earlier this semester, he also told me (alone) that he struggled with his sexuality in high school. He said that when his last girlfriend broke up with him (beginning of freshman year) he really broke all the confidence inside of him.
We both had pretty terrible freshman years (GPA/mental health wise) and it's something we talk about a lot. He felt himself changing into someone else and not being confident enough to do things his old self would do. (However, I didn't know him before this). And I went to college hoping everything would change, and nothing did. (should probably head over to a mental health subreddit next :S)
I've tried my best to show my interest in him. Casual touching (VERY obvious to me), small gifts, continuous chatting, etc. Our D&D characters even flirt ingame, in front of the group. (I play a girl though) I think sometimes he plays along but it's always right on the edge. For example, last week we went and saw a movie together (with some other people). We sat right next to each other and I spent most of the movie leaning over to him. I accidentally brushed him once and he kind of retreated playfully to the other side of his seat, but by the end of the movie, his face was less than 8 inches away from mine. It's things like that that make me think, yeah he might be interested, but sometimes maybe not.
Anyways, we've continued to hang out, have class, eat lunch, and play games together, and I'm slowly falling in love with him. I have made plans to travel this summer to other states, but every time I think about it, I'd rather just stay home so I could keep seeing him.
I confided in a mutual friend all of this and he also seemed to be pretty clueless about Alex's sexuality, even though they're also pretty close.
For me, I don't want to ruin this friendship. He's the most important person to me and the last thing that I want to see is us just slowly drift apart. I've tried to let him know how special he is to me, but I really don't know if he's realized how special.
Lastly, we're most likely going to be roommates moving into next year, and I feel like it's unfair to him not to tell him because I'm afraid it might eventually come up later.
I think I might have missed my chance to talk to him about all of this before the semester starts, but I might see him later this week. If I do, I really want to tell him (like I have for the past months) but I just can't come up with the way to say it.
Thanks for your advice and help.
Throwaway since my main account is pretty public and easy to find.
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