TL;DR. My dad is nearing the end of transition (male to female) and wants me to celebrate Mother's Day instead of Father's Day. I'm struggling to be okay with this, and I don't know how to deal with it.
Backstory: My dad came out as transgender a few years ago. I have been fully supportive throughout the entire process so far. The first year I didn't call on Mother's Day, I called on Father's Day. I said that I wasn't sure if that was appropriate, but I still wanted to celebrate my parent.
The second year, my step-mom said she was getting my dad a gift for Mother's Day, but that I shouldn't feel pressure to do the same if I didn't want to. I told her I wasn't sure if I was okay with that. I called Mother's Day instead of Father's Day that year, no gift or card.
Last year, I didn't send a gift or card again, just another phone call. But a few weeks later, my dad called me and said that it hurt her feelings that I hadn't done more. I've suggested in the past that we pick our own day to celebrate parents, since Mother's Day hasn't been big in our house anyways. I told her that I felt it took away from celebrating with my actual mom, to which she responded with, "Why do you have to tell your mom?"
Nothing has been said about what should happen this year, but I think the expectation is that I need to do more than a phone call. I don't feel okay with any of this. I've thought about just getting a card but what kinda card says, "Happy Mother's Day to my transgender dad!" I'm at a loss.
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