Monday, 14 May 2018

How do I [F21] stop romanticising relationships with purely platonic friends [M20s]?

*Reposted to fit rules * I have a large and wonderful group of mainly male friends (tho this issue applies to my female friends as well as I'm bi). Methodically, my brain decides that each one of them is a. someone I fancy and b. starts searching for any hint that they like me. It's ridiculous and can make things weird at least for me. I'm no pubescent teenager and it's embarrassing for me that this keeps happening.

For instance, today I was hanging out with a friend who I've never considered a romantic option in the past really. During conversation, he very briefly looked at my chest and later, he offered to watch an episode of a tv show together while our other friends did their own thing. This clearly does not mean anything at all as we're friends (and even if he was checking me out, which he wasn't necessarily, it's completely natural and doesn't indicate interest etc etc etc) - but by the time I got home afterwards I'd convinced myself I should make some kind of move on him and maybe this is the start of a wonderful story (vom).

I think a lot of the issue stems from insecurity as I'm relatively inexperienced with romance outside of hookups and the like. I think I'm pretty, but I'm also a bit overweight and intense, and don't find myself getting chased by men often (or ever), and certainly not in any emotionally-based way. So when I get any type of male attention something in my psyche interprets that as romance. I love my friends and it's not a stretch to say I'd date any of them, because as people I love them - but that doesn't mean I'm ok with developing involuntary crushes on them.

This whole thing is honestly starting to make me feel like a creep so please help!!! It's mortifying.

TLDR: I develop involuntary crushes on all of my male friends when they give me any kind of 1-on-1 attention. This is most likely due to my insecurity and I want to know what I can do to calm down and reduce these reactions.

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