First I'll give some back story. My GF and I have been together for 2 years now. We are living together and our relationship has been going really good. She has PTSD from a previous relationship that has given her trauma due to her ex cheating on her. Relationship stuff can trigger her very easily and she is emotionally set off from this whole thing.
I've been single most of my life and from being alone I've developed a habit of going online to look at girls I know to masturbate to. Its really creepy and I feel like a shitty person for doing it but I find it is very sexually arousing for me. I have lot of built up sexual urges and my gf is not as responsive to sex so I find Im masturbating just as much as when I was single.
Last night she went through my computers history which is breaking some privacy barriers but i really don't mind that much. I try to be as transparent as possible. She found I had looked up a female friend of mine and she freaked out. I admitted that I was jerking off to her but have absolutely no intentions of cheating. It is just a fantasy but I honestly love my GF and would never want to do that to her. Due to her past she is reluctant to believe me and is at a counselor right now for more help.
I realize now that this was a huge barrier for her and that I crossed the line. Right now she is totally questioning my love for her and her confidence is decimated. I'm not sure what to do. I've offered we go together for couples counseling but she is very unresponsive at the moment.
TL:DR GF looked through my history to see I was looking up my female friends to jerk off to. Due to her traumatic past its really bothering her. Need advice on what to do to repair this.
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