I'm struggling with this because it isn't a very clear-cut dealbreaker situation.
My SO drinks daily. I've long since given up keeping track of how much he drinks, but I would guess it ranges from 15-20 shots of liquor a night. He has ADHD (officially diagnosed, though untreated) and claims he can't fall asleep without depressants.
He doesn't get abusive or violent. The issue is that his mind seems to drop to the mental state of a handicapped child. Sober, he's amazing. Kind, funny, intelligent, quick to help me out, etc. At night, he seems to drink himself into a near-passout stupor, and then it's my responsibility to take care of him. Even at my most drunk, I've been able to consciously assess my state, brush my teeth, and get myself into bed. With him, I feel like I'm parenting a remarkably stupid child every night, and after a year of living together it's really wearing down on me.
Some of the things he'll do is pass out on his chair, so that I have to spend 15 min shaking him awake and getting him into bed. He'll spill food, knock things over, and walk around like a zombie, completely unaware of the chaos he's leaving behind him.
A common occurrence is that he'll get the munchies. He'll stay up later than he should cooking food. I sometimes have to go to the kitchen to drag him to bed, but there are also days when I have to wake up early, and I lie in bed wondering whether I should just let him deal with himself, but also feeling stressed out about the mess he's likely making. One night, he ate all the food I prepared for myself for the next day AND spilled sauce all over the kitchen. Like, there was a literal POOL of sauce in the microwave. I have no idea how he managed to accomplish that. The next morning, I had to clean it all up while rushing to get ready for my commute. He had no memory of it at all. Another night he threw out all my leftovers (which weren't even a day old) on a cleaning binge. I'm a student with an unfriendly lunch schedule, so planning out all my meals beforehand is important, and it really fucks me over when he messes with it.
He's always super apologetic when sober. He always buys me a replacement for whatever he ate the night before. But that doesn't do much good when he just eats the new food all over again the next night.
I'm honestly exhausted. I'm tired of playing parent every night. I have an easier schedule than him, but I have my own things to worry about. I take care of getting my own ass into bed at night.
I end up being mean and snapping at him. I say things like "I want to break up with you", or "I hate this relationship", just to try and break him out of his stupor. It doesn't do much good at the time, but the next day he's sad and apologetic. Many nights, even when drunk, he'll cling to me and keep telling me he loves me and he's sorry. But the next night will end up being the same.
I've always encouraged him to get treated for his ADHD, though it seems like he won't take the initiative unless I literally schedule an appointment for him. I'm also obviously concerned about health issues related to his heavy alcohol consumption, but there comes a point where I just get tired of trying to monitor/control his drinking.
I don't know what else to say. Any advice? :/
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tldr: Boyfriend drinks too much, acts like a child when drunk, forcing me to play mother and get his ass to bed and/or clean up his messes.
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