Together 4 years, have a 1.5 year old child. I'm a stay at home mom and he works from home.
My SO used to put effort into our relationship. He used to hold my hand, want to spend time with me, take me on dates and buy me gifts for special occasions.
Now the only physical affection I get is him groping me aggressively (he thinks he's being playful.. he's not. He's rough and it hurts sometimes) or him grinding his junk into my ass in bed while saying "wanna bang real fast?" I've told him to stop groping me so roughly everytime he does it. He doesn't stop. I've told him that I would be in the mood for sex more if he gave me more affection and actually tried to turn me on instead of just asking to "stick it in" or "bone" me. He still does it. And if he starts touching me, he stops and rolls over in bed in a huff as soon as he figures out that I'm not in the mood for sex.
Sunday was mother's day. We are tight on money so I just asked two things: to spend time with him and to sleep in in the morning. He told me he would spend the whole day with me and our child but said he couldn't promise that I would get to sleep in. He slept in til two. Spent a few hours broken up over the rest of the day with us. He took me to the store to pick out a gift.. speaking of gifts, if he wants to get me one, I have to pick it out and he pays for it because he doesn't know what I want.. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but after four years together... I feel like he should have an idea of who I am and what I like. I send him links to things and show him stuff in magazines and tell him what would make a nice gift and still he doesn't ever know what I want. I tell him that it would be nice to get a surprise instead of having to pick it myself but it never happens.
For out past two Anniversaries, he hasn't gotten me anything or even made an effort to spend time with me. I understand not getting a gift, but then not even spending time with me and last year inviting his friend over? He will never plan ahead to put time aside for us. He said he doesn't know what I'd even want to do, so I made him a list (museums, nature trails, old stores, recipes to cook, movies to rent). I don't think he even looked at it.. If I try to plan a day for us, he says "we'll see when we get closer to the day" and them the day comes and he tells me he's busy. Today he told me that he has plans with his friends for two days in June. He already has that planned out a month in advanced.
I've told him that it makes me upset that the year is half over and we went on one date (him sitting in the car while I shop at a store I hardly get to go to and texting me to hurry up, and then going out to dinner super late cause he was busy) at the beginning and that's it. I've told him that I want to get engaged by the end of the year(I want a long engagement) and he just laughs and won't even tell me if that's feasible. He can't plan our future with me. He won't spend time with me. I couldn't even get him to go for a walk in our yard with me last week.
I'm heartbroken right now. This is a pattern in our relationship, not just a one off thing. I don't think he takes me seriously when I tell him that I'm upset and I want more. I feel like I put in all of the emotional effort in our relationship just to not get anything back and it makes me so sad.
How do I get him to listen? Can I fix this?
Tldr: My SO seems to have checked out of our relationship and I don't know how to fix this
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