I know. Awful. I should have never snooped. She just recently moved in with me and while she was at work yesterday I was putting her stuff away and trying to organize. She had a composition notebook on top of a box of her stuff. I didn’t realize it was a journal until I opened the first page. I should have stopped myself and put it down and continued putting stuff away, but curiosity got the best of me.
For perspective, I’m a 24 year old woman and she is 26 years old, we have been together just about a year at this point.
What I found in the journal was extremely heart breaking and I’m not sure what to feel about any of this. She had several pages, recent ones, talking about her ex. That she loves her but can’t have her, she misses her, can’t move past things, etc. When her and I started dating, they had already been broken up for over a year. They dated for 2 years. No contact with each other, the girl cheated on her with a man and left her for him, kicked her out and they basically haven’t spoken since.
This is something I’ve never been worried about, because she usually makes it apparent that she loves me. We’ve talked about a future together, she’s talked about marriage, tells me I’m the “love of her life”, etc. We always get along and to be honest this is probably the best relationship I’ve ever had. But now I’m feeling confused and conflicted. Are her feelings for me even genuine or am I just a placeholder to fill whatever void she has without her way ex? I don’t want to bring it up to her but I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to do. I’ve been distant and kept to myself and she knows something is wrong, I just don’t know what to say.
Why move on to another relationship if you’re not over your previous one? I don’t know if my hurt is justified because I did this to myself by snooping. Ignorance is bliss and I really wish that I hadn’t been so nosey.
TLDR; Was a nosey asshole and read my girlfriends diary to find out she still loves and wants to be with her ex
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