Where do I begin, Henry and I have been together for almost 4 years, living together for 1.
A bit of background about me is that I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food. I've always had some sort of a battle with food. Growing up food was something that I got comfort from. I was a fat/ugly teen, was bullied for it and everyone loved to make comments on my weight whixh pushed me towards food more.
although I lost a lot of weight later on when i felt ready, I never saw myself as "skinny" or " not fat". There's always something that I hate about myself. The end product was that when ever I was/am stressed I'd run to food, then I'd feel guilty and would then eat some more to comfort myself. Sometimes I ate so much Id get sick (pretty sure my teeth is destroyed because of the acid). Then I'd spend 4 hours at the gym the next day
Im better than what I was before but I still don't have full control over food. I still see myself as fat even though my BMI is at a normal range. I dont starve myself- I'm unable to - again- I just can't really say no to food and I hate that food has that much control over me but it does.
Sometimes (not often but maybe once in a blue moon), I'll get emotional and will start hating everything about myself.
So few nights ago was one of those, Henry goes up to bed and I stay down longer than I'm meant to. He calls me up few times so I finally go to bed and I'm emotional, he can tell.
I've never talked about this with anyone before so I try not to get into it, tell him im just not feeling well but he's insistent and forces me to talk to him.
So I decide to open up to him. BIG mistake. He first doesn't think I have an eating disorder because apearantly I'm not fat or unhealthy skinny which means I must be okay.
I tell him I dont want to talk about it further and to please not talk about this anymore/bring this up as its not an easy topic for me and he clearly didn't think it was a big deal.
The next day I'm back to my usual self and we're laughing again and he makes a comment on how cool I am and then says "I wish you were this cool all the time, like what was yesterday, unnecessarily emotional mess".
Okay that stings. I show him vulnerability and he sees it as weakness and burden. I dont want to fight so I just tell him to cut it out.
He doesn't. So this has become the center of his stupid jokes where he comments on my "eating disorder". He went as far as calling me a hypochondriac.
He doesn't know much about eating disorders and doesn't understand it but what hurts me is that I told him this was something I hadn't discussed with anyone before and that it was a sensitive topic and yet he seems to have no issues making jokes at my expense even though he saw how upset I was.
I've already told him off but I really don't know how to talk to him about this. He has apologised but I'm not sure he gets it
Tl;dr: i told my bf that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, he started mocking me and making jokes over it
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