Hi all,
I broke up with my GF of 10 months yesterday. It's been coming for months. We've been so unhappy. We love one another so very much but I think we're just inherently incompatible. We just don't seem to work and neither of us knows how to make it so.
We have similar interests, similar life goals, she has many traits that I would look for in a partner and I love her so very much. Our communication styles have caused constant problems. The last three months have been argument after argument, serious chat after serious chat. We kiss and makeup and promise one another we'll work on things only for the same problem to occur again in a matter of days.
I think it stemmed from me having high expectations. Too high, and wrongly so. That's something I need to work on. I think it comes from my own self-esteem problems. I put a lot of importance on relationships and so that when ours did not live up to those expectations (she was too busy to see me or whatever) I took it as a personal slight, a personal rejection, and it bred resentment. I just wanted her to prioritise me a little more.
Likewise, she is just so very combative and defensive. Everything must be argued for the sake of it, everything is a personal attack. It was exhausting. I found myself just waiting for the next blowout. She knows this is a problem, she has said it all along, that anyone would be unhappy with the way she treats me at times but she doesn't know how to change. She can see how unhappy I've been.
I think too that I like to talk through problems, work them out together as a team. She does not, she closes off, won't discuss them. Thus, they never get resolved. I guess that is why we've never felt like a team, and I've felt so very lonely.
I think it's telling that all my happiest memories of us come in the first few months of our relationship. We still have had good, fun times since then. But they were always tinged with a shadow of something dark. Going on holiday and bickering the entire time. Spending a weekend with her family and not really connecting for the two days. Going for a picnic and arguing on the way there over something ridiculous.
I still loved her though, and her me. I first cried about the relationship being over three months ago. Perhaps it dragged on too long but I couldn't think of being without her. I will miss all our little idiosyncrasies, the good things we do share. It hurts to think I won't text her throughout the day, get excited about finishing work to rush home to her, won't do our secret handshake, that all our memories are bittersweet, that we won't ever act the same around each other again. I really wish it hadn't happened this way, that we could have just been more of a fit for one another.
We're meeting in two weeks. Cancelled all of our plans over the summer, our holidays, our trips. We're going to think about what we want and then meet to discuss it. We cried into one another's arms and it was so empty to know that it was I that had hurt her, I that had initiated all this. Even though we hung out after, it felt so much more friendly already. No hand-holding, a different tone, no playfulness, a chasm between us.
She did make me happy, I do love her. The relationship, however, did not, and I did not love it.
I feel odd. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't think it has properly sunk in yet, or maybe I just feel that I've known for so long. I'm just tired. I know it was the right decision, but in many ways it was wrong. Sometimes what we want is not what is best for us. Love is not always enough I guess. I've walked away from someone that adored me.
Guess I'm just looking for people that have been in similar situations. How do you come to terms with breaking up with someone that you love and who loves you dearly? Knowing that they were everything you look for in many ways, but so far from the truth in others?
TL;DR - GF and I loved one another, but inherently don't work because of different communication styles and personal issues. Broke it off, meeting in two weeks to see where we're at. I know it was the right move. I just don't see how we could make it work without changing who we are dramatically, but feel I've walked away from the girl I love. Those who have been in similar situations, what do I do?
[link] [comments]
from Relationships https://ift.tt/2KI62RM
No comments:
Post a Comment