So background: my parents are still married, and I believe their relationship is ok right now.
When I was in high school (and apparently before that) my dad had a very long affair with some woman. During part of that time, he had moved out and my parents were talking about divorce. My mom was so depressed that she only got out of bed to go to work, and then came home and slept. I took up all the extra work taking care of the house and my siblings (at the time 7F, 12M, 19M; now 16F, 22M, 28M) and nearly failed out of school as a sophomore bc of it. I was abusing my medication to get all the housework and my homework done, and was suicidal and self harming from the stress. Things were really bad.
Everything came to a head when my parents got "back together" and went on vacation, and his mistress showed up at our house one morning, spray painted my dads car with "cheater, liar, etc" and left a giant envelope of jewelry, holiday cards, and other things my dad had given her, on our doorstep. I found it all right as I was leaving for school.
My grandma (dad's mom) was staying with us while my parents were gone, so she found out about it all. I called my mom and told her, and my dad flipped shit. I left the envelope in my locker at school over the weekend so my dad couldn't get it before I showed my mom everything. When they got back from vacation, my dad said I had to give it to him, but I told him I left it at school, so he said he would take me to school so he could get it. While he was in the shower, I got on the bus and left. He started calling me and threatening me and said he was gonna tell the principal I had drugs in my locker so they would search it (I didnt), and making my mom call me and say "your dad says if you don't give him the envelope he's going to hurt/kill/beat/etc you" . When I got to school I went to my favourite teacher, told him my dad was in the parking lot threatening to kill me, and they immediately put the school on full lockdown, the police came and banned my dad from campus. It was literally insane. I photocopied all the cards in the library and took pictures of everything else and gave it all to my mom after school.
It caused a huge fight, but ultimately she decided to stay with him. At this point, almost a decade later, their marriage is better I think. There haven't been any more incidents (that I know of) of him cheating.
Anyways, to the point. I was on the county assessors website looking up my past tax documents, and when I put in our last name, I accidentally came across my dad's personal property taxes. He was filing at two different places (my parents house and his mistress' house), and he joint filed several cars with her, for at minimum 5 years. To me, that is WAY beyond the scope of an affair.
The problem is this: I don't know whether to tell my mom or not. On one hand, she deserves to know the entire truth. Something like this may have made her change her mind about staying together. I don't know if she already knows about this, but what if she doesn't want to know, bc it was in the past? But I also don't want to tell her, and her feel trapped in the marriage now. She is retired and can't afford the house on her own. I don't want her to fall back into the horrible depression she was in before.
I have no one to really talk to about this. My sister is an emotional teenager and would immediately tell my mom. My older brother doesn't deal with things like this very well and would freak out. My oldest half brother is severely mentally ill. My dad's mom just went into the hospital and is showing signs of dementia. My mom's mom thinks I'm just a huge trouble maker bc of how awful I was as a teenager. My parents have the same best friend but he just got married and is on his honeymoon rn. My younger brother is the safest option but when I called him, he was drunk at his graduation party and said we could talk about it in a few days, which we will but this is eating away at me. Plus Sunday is Mothers Day. I called my therapist and am waiting for a call back. Reddit, what should I do?
tldr: my dad cheated on my mom for years, and it put her in a horrible spot emotionally. They are ok now, but I just accidentally found my dad's personally property tax forms and he was filing with his mistress for at minimum half a decade. Not sure if I should tell my mom or not?
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