My [38M] wife [35F] asked me to leave the house so her Mom [60sF] could visit.

My [38M] wife [35F] asked me to leave the house so her Mom [60sF] could visit.

My wife and I have had significant marital problems over the past 3 years or so. We have been married for 12 years. We have both been to a lot of counseling – jointly and together – and are, in theory, still trying work on things since we are not divorced. But it isn’t going well.

Of the many problems we’ve had, one of them is that her Mom (my MIL), for unknown reasons to either of us, stopped liking me about 6 years ago. At first it was just silence and no eye contact and general rudeness, but as my wife started to confide in her about some of our marital problems it has turned into outright hatred, name calling, and complaining about me to my wife. My wife has gently with weak boundaries asked MIL to stop this, but MIL does not stop.

Despite none of the MIL problem being my fault at all (and my wife generally agrees as we have no idea where the original hatred came from), I’ve tried to reach out several times and say the past-is-the-past, let’s be civil for the kids’ sake, come for dinner, come for Easter, etc, but MIL refuses. We are basically no contact at this point (her choice) and if we happen to see each other at kid’s events its “Hi” and then distance. Our little kids (4 and 10) have picked up on this awkwardness.

I work full-time (typically 8:30 to 6:00) every weekday, wife works 3 hours a day (8:30am to 11:30am) and MIL is basically retired. So they see each other often during the weekdays without me around and orchestrate it so MIL leaves right before I return home.

Today is a slow day at work so I decided to take the day off and just catch up on things and maybe play in the garage. This was unplanned, but I also didn’t know MIL was planning on visiting today from noon to 4 (while I would have been at work). MIL is evidently helping our kids with a Mother’s Day present.

So my wife asked my to go to work or go somewhere so MIL could come over. Although I really don’t like her (and really only because she has been rude to me, I have no reason really not to like her) she is welcome to come over and be civil. But MIL will be stressed by my presence in my own home and doesn’t want me there.

So my wife is “disappointed” (really upset if you ask me) that she might have to resort to taking the kids to MIL’s house. She is going to be inconvenienced by this.

And while it’s not the end of the world, I’m upset that:

• My wife even asked me to leave me own house where my kids are for any reason in the first place.

• I should still be a priority over MIL and tell MIL to come over and deal with it civilly like an adult, or stuff it and don’t see the kids – but that is MIL’s choice.

• And… I feel like our marriage is in a very sensitive state as it is due to many other problems, but this makes me feel like my wife really isn’t trying at all to repair things.

Should I give in on my day off and go to work (or something) because it is Mother’s Day Weekend so my rude MIL can spend time “peacefully” with my wife and my kids?

Note they have already planned separate time on Mother’s Day without me (my wife, MIL, and my kids) because of this same issue, but this is today, the Friday before Mother’s Day. That’s also pretty disappointing, but in that case it’s actually Mother’s Day so I’m not going to fight anything and my wife can do what she wants on “her day”.

TL;DR - MIL doesn't like me. Wife asked me to leave our home this afternoon so she can visit.

submitted by /u/LeaveWhileWeHaveFun
[link] [comments]

from Relationships https://ift.tt/2G820PQ