Tuesday, 8 May 2018

I [29 m] just want my wife to have a good 30th birthday and I feel like I'm failing her as a husband

My amazing wife works her ass off for our 3 year old and I. In addition to that she watches her friends autistic 3 y.o. son 6 days a week. Since she was a stay at home mom before this, they originally agreed on $3 per hour (incredibly low I know but they have been friends since they were 10 and she wanted to help her single mom friend).

This is important because when this all started, it was only gonna be 3 days a week, so my wife would get to help her friend and bring a lil extra money in since we struggle on my single income.

Her friends job lost a few servers and she has now been upped to 6 days a week. My wife doesn't like to make waves and she likes to contribute to the household but the amount of time she has to spend working to help a child with special needs is killing her mentally and physically and she's not even being compensated fairly for the work she's putting in. This is a separate conversation we need to have with the friend at some point, but its put my wife in a position where she feels like she cant care about herself.

Her 30th birthday is in 2 days and I've tried asking her what she wants to do or eat or ANYTHING and she's been avoiding it. She doesn't want to do anything on her actual birthday cuz its a Thursday and she'll have to get up at 4 am on Friday for her friends kid to be dropped off.

Her mom offered to sit for us on Saturday night so we could go out, but she doesn't want to do that cuz sunday is mothers day and she wants to wake up with our daughter on that day, because those moments are important to our kiddo. I understand that but I just wish she could think about what's important to her for one day.

I've tried to talk to her about not forgetting her needs and that it's okay to think about herself one day of the year. She is just spread so thin and exhausted that she feels like she cant care about her own well being.

I just feel like 30 is a big birthday and even tho she says she doesn't care and doesn't need or want anything or cant make it fit in her busy schedule, that I should be doing more to help try and work something out.

Sorry if this is overly wordy, I just want to help her out and dont know what to do for her or what to get her to make sure she has something that makes her 30th memorable.

tl:dr - My wife is going crazy with how chaotic life is and I want to help her have a good birthday

submitted by /u/chynkeyez
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