This girl, Michelle, I fell in love with her like 8 years ago but didn't act on it until 4 years ago. We dated, it was great, but holy hell, her family is just an absolute mess. Dad is a drug addict and alcohol, brother (22M) is a drug dealer, mom is an alcoholic. She lives only 4 houses down from them. She seems to not care very much about boundaries with them. She just... tolerates them it seems. The parents recently had a kid and when I met michelle she was taking care of the kid, practically the kids mom. I love the kid, don't get me wrong, but its upsetting that she was forced into that situation just because the kids parents are so awful.
I recently moved in with her at her house and the realization of how bad they really are has hit me like a brick. The dad sometimes just comes by for money or food, the brother is over often, the mother is an absolute trainwreck and sometimes sneaks into the house and we find her sleeping on the couch.
It hit a point last week where it REALLY made me rethink things. The father came over, asked for some food and money, and Michelle told him she had no money, and he just flipped a shit and threw her toaster on the floor and started yelling about how HE raised her and that she should be more appreciative. He then slammed the door so hard the hinge broke. She was obviously very upset, yelled at him and everything. Then she just cried to me and skipped work because she was so damn upset. Then 2 days later, she asks for an apology, and everything was back to normal. I was so shocked. I would NEVER, EVER accept someone like that in my house.
The thing is, this is technically just her house. I lost my job and am just living here rent free because there's two extra bedrooms. So I feel like I can't tell her how to live her life in her own home.
But holy shit, how can she just forgive these people for constant transgressions and abuse? Literally after the toaster incident, two days later they were joking around and then the brother came over and had coffee and they were all acting like nothing happened, even though I could tell Michelle was still hurt.
That is just one example out of many examples of them just being terrible fucking people. I mean, one time the brother brought over two girls and snuck them in the basement to fuck at like 4 in the morning, never asked us for permission. We woke up, heard the noise, she said "ugh, its probably my brother" and went down stairs and he was butt naked lying next to one of the girls, the other girl was laying on the floor. The whole basement reeked of pot. Michelle didn't even blink at the nudity, one more thing they are open about apparently? I would have been furious if I found this in my basement. Michelle just sighed and said for them to get dressed and get the hell out.
I've confronted Michelle about this a few times. She just says I have no idea what it is like to grow up in this area, nor poor, nor with a family like that. She says despite them being terrible, she still loves her family, even at the lowest moments. And she is right. I am a upper middle class kid from the suburbs who grew up in a great neighborhood, with a great family. But STILL.
They have stolen from her, been violent around her, broken her things, left a baby with her, and take advantage of her.
I still love this girl, more than the world. But I can't deal with this. I want nothing to do with this family anymore. I liked them a lot actually despite the... ruggedness, until I moved in next to them and realized how bad they are.
I want to be with michelle so much. We've been on a long engagement. We have plans to get married in 50 days. But... Idk. I am having second thoughts. I still want to be with her but I want to just make sure I am not also gonna get tied down with this awful family.
How do I deal with this? I definitely do not want to break up, not even a tiny bit. But I cannot deal with this family.
TL;DR - - Fiance has an awful family, not sure how to deal with it.
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