I’m 20 years old. I’m the oldest sibling and my mom had to marry my dad because she got pregnant with me, she’s never brought it up but i’m sure this has to do something with the way she treats me.
When my parents divorced I was the oldest (of course) so I remember almost everything and remember my mom being so depressed and angry when the divorce just happened and had a really bad attitude towards me.
Let’s say, i would misbehave like a normal 4yo would and i could never imagine about doing more than just telling my kid to calm down but instead she would beat me up, she’d slap me or call me dumb, mind you I was only 4 years old. It almost seemed like she had to take it on something and it was me, she never touched my brothers, specially my younger brother, he is her everything.
Growing up she would always shame me for everything, when i had baby fat, when i lost it, if guys looked at me in the street it means i was looking at them first and therefore i was a sl*t... stuff like that and i was just 13.
She talks to my brothers when they’re doing something wrong but she’s not half as offensive as she is with me. She tells them what they’re doing is wrong but doesn’t get with their physical appearance.
Not to go into much detail but my eating disorders started when I was 9 yo cause she would bully me because i was too fat. At 9.
She never allows me to drive and says i’m too bad for it (she barely let me have any practice) but allows my 16 yo brother to use the car and it it was his and i’m sure she’s buying him a car very soon. I have to walk to places all the time meanwhile god forbids his little kid does that... she loves my brothers more than anything.
After years of struggling with a major I hate i’m finally moving out in a month, i’m moving to another country and i’ll be with my boyfriend and the love of my life, of course she doesn’t know about him, she knows just i am moving out.
anyways, I decided to come home for mother’s day which was on thursday in my country and got her a beautiful bracelet and make up.
I wasn’t going to get her anything initially but she would have gotten furious cause according to her she deserves the whole world.
During the dinner (we went to a restaurant) I was very quiet cause i didn’t want to be there and have been dealing with a terrible depressive episode for months now. I started to sob without even realizing and she started talking about me with my brother in a really quiet voice. My brother told her I was crazy and she said i was fuckin insane and I should get the fuck out. I had no way to go back home since the restaurant is kind of far away.
The dinner went on and i was sobbing, i couldn’t help it, i felt too much sadness inside of me.
When we got in the car she told me i was crazy and at least she was happy when she was my age. I told her she’s done a lot with her life and she’s very successful now (sarcastically) and she told me i’ll never be as successful or even impress her because i’m a loser and ill never do anything with my life.
She’s away because she went to visit a friend and i’m home, i’m home all day meanwhile my brothers spend money like crazy cause she allows them and just play popular driving to parties with their friends. I’m a month away from leaving but i can’t do this. I’m desperate.
tl;dr: Mom has treated my brothers like kong’s his whole life. She has abused me my whole life and i’m finally leaving but she keeps making my last month her awful. Ive been depressed for a month now and i don’t know what to do.
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